Fic: Syncopation (4/?)
Summary: When standing still is not an option, you just have to find a way to keep dancing anyway.
Rating: probably going to hit R/NC-17 eventually, lower for now.
A/N: Warnings for Burt being sick, especially for this chapter and the next! Slight age difference between Kurt and Blaine (third year at NYADA and high school senior).
Many thanks to Sandy for reading it over for me!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
He sits at the kitchen table Thursday morning and it's been hours now since Blaine dropped him off last night and he still can't stop smiling.
It's been hours, a good night's sleep between him and last night, a good hour or so of texting with Blaine before he ever even got to get any sleep at all, and it still feels fantastic and new and just so overwhelmingly perfect.
He's been in New York for quite a while and whatever he expected from college, so far it has not been an unending stream of dates the way a number of movies had promised him when he was a teenager.
He has dated a little, had a boyfriend for a few short months freshman year, went on a few more dates with other guys after they broke up. With a lot of those dates, he hasn't even made it as far as kissing, knowing half an hour in that it wasn't going anywhere. He's met a lot of nice guys, but the most he had ever really wished for with any of them had been friendship.
Kurt hasn't always been very good at getting exactly what he wanted on his first try, but he has always known exactly what he wanted and never stopped trying to achieve it. And that goes for his education and his career as much as for his love life.
He doesn't know if Blaine is 'right for him,' whatever that even means. But he does know that he likes him. He really, really likes him, so much. For the first time in a long time, he has no problem at all imagining more than friendship with someone. He wants to spend more time with him and get to know him better and definitely, definitely kiss him again, many times if Blaine is okay with that.
He's just sort of forgotten just how wonderful kissing actually was, but he remembers now.
And he keeps smiling down at his coffee cup and remembers the exact shape of his ridiculous eyebrows and the warm color of his beautiful eyes and the soft firmness of his lips and oh god his palms tingle and his insides get all fluttery when he thinks about him, he wants to spread out his arms and twirl on the spot and laugh and possibly float away with his feelings because he feels lighter than air with all the happiness filling him up until he wonders how he can contain it all.
It would have been enough to just be in his presence and admire him from afar and get to talk to him occasionally whenever Blaine needed questions answered about New York or college. But this - this is so much better.
Now he'll just have to wait until Friday before he'll see him again. But at least he knows there's going to be a lot of texting until then.
**
Friday he has to assist in teaching three afternoon classes back to back and he'll get out at five-thirty; enough time to rush home and shower and change before Blaine picks him up an hour later. They'll go to dinner again and even though Kurt had insisted that he'd be the one to pick up Blaine this time around, Blaine had disagreed.
I get out of school at four. I have time to go home and even get bored before I have to leave. You have work and then you need to go change, and it's just easier if you let me do the driving. Stop arguing about this, his text reads.
You make an excellent point, but we'll have to schedule the next date in a way that allows me to do the picking up, okay? I am feeling a slight imbalance developing here, he had replied.
Blaine had simply texted back: Just the thought of getting to have a third date with you makes me very excited so there is no way I'm going to say no to that.
And then, half a minute later several texts in rapid succession: And now I hope that you don't think I expect anything to happen on the third date, I wasn't referring to that, like THIRD DATE, I swear it's not like that!!!
Although maybe you hadn't even been reading that into it and I have only now made it creepy that way?
Not that the thought is creepy!
It's a very nice thought!
I like the thought!
Not as in “I'm constantly thinking about it,” I swear I am not!
I mean I think I want to, eventually, but we've been on one date so far.
And oh my god maybe you don't even want to and I'm probably making it sound like it's all I'm thinking about and oh my god, I'm making it worse, right?
I'm not dating you because of that! I'm dating you because I really really like you.
You know that, right?
I like you, Kurt. I like spending time with you.
And I promise you that I'm not as weird as these texts probably make me seem.
I'll shut up now and hope that I haven't completely freaked you out.
I just really REALLY like you, Kurt. A lot.
Kurt remembers staring down at his phone, amused and too busy hiding half of his face behind one hand to respond for a moment.
Blaine? he had written eventually.
Yes?
I really, really like you too.
Oh. I'm glad! :)
And I'm really looking forward to all of our dates!
Good! Same here!
He'd smiled and felt happy and honestly, he can't remember ever being this excited about going on a date before. This is all new.
He likes it.
**
It's the fifteen-minute break between the second and third class when Kurt checks his phone in the changing room and notices seven missed calls from Carole in ten minutes, the last one less then three minutes ago.
His breath stops, his face goes cold, his palms start sweating.
Because why would Carole call him seven times at work, when she knows he's going to be home in an hour anyway, there can be only one reason...
No, he thinks as he hits the call back button with numb fingers, no no no no no no no no no
“Kurt,” Carole says, picking up on the fifth ring and her voice is distant, cool, controlled and he knows what it means he knows he knows
“What happened?” he asks, surprised when his own voice comes out steady.
“We're at the hospital,” she says. “He's in with the doctor right now, I called as soon as we got here -”
“Is he alive?”
“Yes. But I thought you might want to be here.”
“I'm on my way.”
“Don't drive! Get Hiram to drive you! You are not in any rush now, they're still checking him over. It might be a while yet.”
“Hiram has a class. I'll be fine. I'm leaving now.”
“Kurt, I swear to god,” Carole says, and suddenly her voice breaks, for just the tiniest moment before she catches herself again. “You will not drive here by yourself. You will ask someone to drop you off. I have Hiram's number and I'll be calling him right after we hang up. If you get behind the wheel right now and anything happens to you I don't care that you're twenty-one, I'm going to ground you into the next millennium.”
“Carole -” he says, and doesn't know what else to say, his dad's in the hospital and he has to be there now and he doesn't have the time for this...
“Kurt! Don't drive!”
“I have to get there now.”
“Do not drive, Hiram will drive you, I know he will, you can't - you can't -”
“Okay,” he says, just to end this conversation already so he can get going, he has to leave. “Okay, I won't. I promise. I won't!”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“I'll be there soon,” he says and hangs up, and Hiram is already standing there holding his keys.
“Your dad?” he asks.
Kurt nods, lowers the hand holding his phone, breathes deeply once, twice, so he won't cry. “I have to go, I need to -”
“Come on,” Hiram says, waving him on and striding for the door.
“Your class -” Kurt starts.
He dismisses it with a wave of his hand, holds the door for him. “Don't worry about that right now.”
Kurt looks at him, wants to argue, but they're losing valuable time and when he tries to take a step and his knees are shaking he admits that yes, okay, maybe driving isn't such a great idea right now.
Unable to say anything right then, he follows Hiram out to the car.
**
Carole gets up out of the plastic chair she'd been sitting in when he bursts into the waiting area, and he stops in his tracks, pants.
“Is he -”
“I haven't heard anything yet,” Carole says, shrugs helplessly.
And with a few steps he's there and hugging her and she's hugging him back and he hides his face against her shoulder.
Just a little while ago he'd been so grateful that he didn't have to go through it all by himself anymore. But right now, standing here not knowing anything, he still feels pretty damn alone.
**
“He was having trouble breathing,” she says, leans back in her chair as if she can't hold herself upright any longer. “He was starting to panic a bit and he was - he was sort of wheezing, I just - his heart muscle is weak, I was afraid that he - it could be - I just had to get him here, if he - if it's just - they can fix it -”
Kurt's sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, feeling … exhausted. He's tired and scared and he needs to know what's going on he needs to - he needs to - “He's been eating right,” he says. “He's been doing his exercises and getting his rest, I just - what went wrong?”
She shrugs, puts a hand on his shoulder. “I don't know, Kurt. He's sick. These things - they happen. It's not anything that could have necessarily been prevented by anything we did.”
“Where's the doctor? Why won't anyone tell us anything?”
“They need to run their tests, they need to -”
“I only - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” He rubs a hand over his face, sighs. “I'm -” He's shaking. He can't lose control right now. “Just a little nervous.”
“God, me too.” She lets out a long breath. “I had to drive him here. He wouldn't let me call an ambulance.”
“What?” He looks up at her, stunned. “He - I'm gonna have some words with him once he gets out of here.”
“He kept insisting that it was nothing, he didn't want to -”
“He had two heart attacks, I can't believe this!”
“Even when he started panicking. He kept saying that if it was nothing we'd have to take a cab home and it was a waste of money.”
“A waste of -” He puts both hands over his face, groans. “God dammit, dad.”
“He's stubborn. Stubborn enough to pull through this, you know that.”
“He's had two heart attacks already.”
She sighs. “I know.”
“Carole -” He's hanging on by a thread and he needs to get it together, they need to be able to take care of each other. “What if - what if - this can be really serious, right?”
She is silent for a moment, then continues rubbing his back in tiny, soothing circles. “Yes. It could be. But the waiting is the worst part,” she whispers. “I forgot about that. How did I forget about that?”
And he knows what she's talking about, he knows what she's afraid of, and he does wish he could help her, but … the pain is like a living, breathing thing inside of him and he can't contain it, can't even understand it. His dad...
His phone vibrates in his pocket and for a moment he's confused as he sees Blaine's name flashing up on his screen. Then he remembers, and he doesn't want to talk to anyone, he feels brittle and raw and like he's going to implode or dissolve on the floor or … But it's Blaine, and even though Kurt doesn't want to deal with this right now he knows that he has to.
“Hey,” he answers.
“Um, hi,” Blaine says, sounding very confused and a little irritated. “We said six-thirty, right?”
“Blaine -”
“Because, uh. It's six-forty-five and I'm outside your house where I have been waiting for fifteen minutes and no one is opening the door. Your car is gone too. So I guess I was just wondering -”
“Blaine, my dad's in the hospital,” Kurt manages, voice as steady as he can make it. “I didn't -”
“Oh my god,” Blaine breathes. “Kurt, I'm sorry, I -”
“I forgot to text you, I'm sorry, I didn't think - we've been waiting to hear something and I just -”
“Don't apologize,” Blaine says. “God, Kurt, don't - What can I do? What do you need? Do you need me to bring you anything? Tell me what you need and I'll do it, god, I'm so sorry -”
“It's okay, Blaine,” Kurt says. “I don't need anything. You can - you can just go home, I'm sorry about our date, I just can't, I need -”
“Are you alone there? You're not alone, right?”
“No, I'm - Carole is here. I'm fine.”
“- Is it bad?”
He breathes, and he can't keep his voice from shaking. “I don't know yet. It might be. I don't - I don't know.”
Blaine is quiet for a second, then says, voice low, “Do you need a hug? I'll start driving right now.”
“You can't drive all across town just for a hug.”
“Of course I can.”
“Blaine -”
“Unless you don't want me there. And you can be honest about that, we've been dating for, like, five minutes, I don't want to crowd you, I just - I want to help. If you need me, I'll be there; I just, I really want to hug you.”
Kurt breathes, breathes, hugs one arms around his chest and presses the phone closer to his ear with the other hand, closes his eyes to keep back the stupid, pointless tears. He does want Blaine. God, he wants him, it's crazy to want him here this much, but he can't help it, he is barely holding it together and he can't lose it in front of Carole who looks as pale and scared as he feels...
“I can't ask you for that. I can't -”
“You don't have to. You don't have to ask. I'll be right there,” Blaine says firmly. “Give me fifteen minutes. I'll be there.”
“Blaine -”
“I'll be there!”
“- Thank you!”
**
Carole has wandered off to find coffee. Kurt doesn't want anything right now, doesn't think he could keep it down anyway.
He's sitting hunched over in his chair when the door to the waiting area bursts open and he looks up, back straightening when he sees Blaine standing there, cheeks flushed and breathing heavily, probably from hurrying to get here.
“Kurt!” he says, starts toward him, and Kurt barely manages to lift himself from his chair and open his arms for him before Blaine is already in them, grabbing him in close.
Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine's shoulders and shudders and fists his hands in the back of his shirt - his knees are still weak but he's being held so tightly he couldn't fall if he wanted to.
“Blaine,” he breathes into the side of his neck, and squeezes his eyes closed. “Thank you.”
“I drove as fast as I could,” Blaine whispers. “I'm so sorry, I - Do you know anything yet?”
Kurt shakes his head, lets himself sink a little further into the embrace. “Can't be much longer now though. It's just - it can't be much longer now.”
“Do you need anything?” Blaine wants to know.
Kurt pulls back, does his best to smile at him even if his insides are still twisting with fear. “No. I already got my hug. I really needed that.”
“You can have as many hugs as you want.”
He tilts his forehead against Blaine's and it's insane to feel so comforted by his presence when they have known each other for so short a time. He doesn't care. “I can't believe you came here. You're crazy.”
“I'm here for as long as you need me.”
“Blaine, I can't ask you to -”
Blaine calmly takes his face between his hands, covers Kurt's lips with his own in a soft, gentle kiss. “Kurt,” he says. “You're not asking. I'm offering.”
“But you don't have to -”
“I want to. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.”
Kurt pauses, knows he should argue, tell Blaine he doesn't have to stay, they've been on one date, been hanging out just a little longer than that, he shouldn't - He can't send him away, not when having him here feels so good.
“I don't know how I can ever make this up to you.”
Blaine shrugs. “I'm not doing this so you'll repay me. I'm here because I really, really care about you.”
Kurt pulls him back into another hug and he hasn't been able to fight this feeling when things were relatively okay. If it's a mistake to be feeling so much when he's with Blaine, he can regret it later. Right now, he just wants to get through the next few hours.
He's still holding onto Blaine tightly when Carole comes back around the corner, cup of coffee in hand, pausing as she sees the two boys hugging.
“Carole,” he says, pulls back but makes sure to keep a hand on Blaine's back - it makes him feel grounded. “This is Blaine.”
The smile can't quite ease the worry lines from her face, but she holds out a hand anyway and Blaine takes it.
“Blaine,” she says. “It's so nice to finally put a face to a name. Kurt has been talking about you a lot.”
Even with the entire world in disarray, he still manages to blush. “Blaine, this is Carole, my wicked stepmother,” he says, “Whose new mission in life seems to be to embarrass me.”
“It's nice to meet you,” Blaine says.
Carole nods. “It's really nice of you to be here for Kurt.”
“It's not a problem,” Blaine says earnestly. “I'm here to help. Anything you need, just let me know.”
Carole smiles at him, then gives Kurt a warm look before sitting back down in her abandoned plastic chair and checking her watch. “I really could use some good news right about now.”
“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, leads Blaine back over to the row of chairs to sit down beside Carole. “Same.”
She sighs and lets her head drop to Kurt's shoulder, exhausted, and he drapes an arm around her shoulders to offer whatever little comfort he has to give in return. On his other side, Blaine sits as close as the chairs bolted to the floor allow, tightly holding on to his hand. Kurt smiles at him and Blaine's eyes are concerned, warm, filled with affection.
Kurt doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want any of this to be happening. But if it has to be happening at all, he is, at least, not alone for it this time.
He thinks back to being in this hospital years ago, on his own, young and lost and so afraid, the only people by his side his teachers because the friends he had were so new and they didn't really understand, and he didn't really understand how to let them help. And his dad and Carole had still been so new back then, together for only such a short amount of time, and he hadn't known how much he could count on her, hadn't known if he could trust her.
Now, he's still young and still lost and still afraid. But at least he's surrounded by the people who care about him. There's Carole, a part of his family, sharing the burden of everything; and there may be shared burdens that weigh just as heavily as one carried alone, but at least someone else is there to understand the weight of it. And then there's a boy who cares about him enough to be here and hold his hand, a boy who doesn't hesitate driving all across town and entering a hospital waiting room just to give him a hug. He's not alone, and even if that doesn't make the fear any less acute, it still feels good to know that.
Now the only other thing he has to know is what the hell is wrong with his dad so he can put a name to the fear. Nameless fear is the most paralyzing fear of all.
It's another fifteen minutes almost before a doctor finally appears through the doors they're not allowed through - Kurt remembers these doors well from previous hospital visits and he has never stopped loathing them, has never forgotten the fear of sitting on the waiting side of them.
They stand up almost as one, limbs unfolding in near perfect synchrony. Distantly, Kurt thinks that if the occasion were less serious, he'd probably be amused by the random, unintentional beauty of the movement.
“Doctor?” Carole asks.
He can't begin to emphasize enough how grateful he is to have her here to do the talking for once - not that he's not capable of it, but it feels good not having to be in charge every second of every moment.
“He's stable,” the doctor says, and Kurt feels his knees want to buckle, grips Blaine's hand tighter in his own. It's relief, mostly, and fatigue, and the frustration of the endless dragging moment, he wants the entire explanation all at once; wants to know: why was this evening necessary for any of them?
“Then what happened?” he asks, realizes, on the edge of his consciousness, that he doesn't even know the doctor's name yet.
“You did the right thing, bringing him in when you did,” the doctor says to Carole, and Kurt squints his eyes at his name tag, it says 'Franklin.'
“Thank you,” she says, twisting her hands tightly together. “What's wrong with him?”
Dr. Franklin's face stays carefully neutral as he looks at them, and Kurt wonders how long he had to practice for this kind of thing. “Pulmonary edema,” he says.
“I was afraid of that,” Carole replies.
Kurt just stares. “Excuse me, but - what?”
“Fluid in his lungs,” Carole explains.
“We put him on oxygen and are giving him diuretics, he's responding well and it really was good that you rushed him here, we were able to help quickly,” Dr. Franklin assures them, smiling at Kurt.
“Fluid in his lungs sounds - it doesn't sound good,” Kurt says. “It - what does it -”
“Untreated, it's a life-threatening condition, yes,” the doctor tells him. “But now that we have him here, we can help him. And we are helping him.”
“Does he have to stay here?” Kurt wants to know, chest too tight, life-threatening condition. Dammit, dad.
“I'm sorry,” Dr. Franklin says. “But yes. For a few days at least. We'll know more soon, for now he has to stay on oxygen and we put him on a drip. But really. He's going to be fine.”
Kurt leans into Blaine, breathes, breathes, asks, “Can I see him? Please?” It's like … the world is spinning, too fast, too fast, and he has to see him, it's not enough to hear it, he has to see that his father is alive and well and that he didn't lose him.
“Of course,” the doctor says. “Yes, you can see him.”
Kurt nods, closes his eyes, feels Blaine squeeze his hand and press a kiss to his cheek.
“I'll wait out here, okay?” he whispers.
He turns his face so their foreheads bump off each other as Carole is talking with the doctor a few steps away, keeps his eyes closed. “Blaine - thank you. Just. Thank you!”
“I'm glad he's gonna be okay, Kurt,” Blaine says. “I'm really glad.”
He opens his eyes, wants to cry with relief, swallows down the tears. “Yeah. I'm really glad too.”
“Go see him,” Blaine says, smiles. “I'll be here when you're done. I'll take you home.”
“You don't have to wait for me. You - I'm okay now. I'll be okay. I can drive home with Carole. You don't have to stay.”
“I don't mind waiting,” Blaine promises. “Unless you want me to leave. But if you have no objections I'd like to -” he smiles, a little shy, a little crooked. “- end our 'date' the proper way by dropping you off in front of your house.”
“As far as dates go, I guess this was a bit unconventional, huh?” Kurt asks, feels the laughter deep inside, too weak to make it all the way out, but god he's so grateful to not be left on his own.
“I don't mind unconventional,” Blaine assures him.
You're kind of amazing, he wants to say, instead tilts their foreheads together one more time, squeezes his fingers. “I won't be long.”
“Take as much time as you need.”
“Thank you,” he says, again, and finally lets go of his hand to walk through those loathed doors right into the belly of the beast, where his father is still breathing. Weak and in a hospital bed, but still breathing. Still alive.
Small victories. He's really come to appreciate them, those last few years.
Rating: probably going to hit R/NC-17 eventually, lower for now.
A/N: Warnings for Burt being sick, especially for this chapter and the next! Slight age difference between Kurt and Blaine (third year at NYADA and high school senior).
Many thanks to Sandy for reading it over for me!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
He sits at the kitchen table Thursday morning and it's been hours now since Blaine dropped him off last night and he still can't stop smiling.
It's been hours, a good night's sleep between him and last night, a good hour or so of texting with Blaine before he ever even got to get any sleep at all, and it still feels fantastic and new and just so overwhelmingly perfect.
He's been in New York for quite a while and whatever he expected from college, so far it has not been an unending stream of dates the way a number of movies had promised him when he was a teenager.
He has dated a little, had a boyfriend for a few short months freshman year, went on a few more dates with other guys after they broke up. With a lot of those dates, he hasn't even made it as far as kissing, knowing half an hour in that it wasn't going anywhere. He's met a lot of nice guys, but the most he had ever really wished for with any of them had been friendship.
Kurt hasn't always been very good at getting exactly what he wanted on his first try, but he has always known exactly what he wanted and never stopped trying to achieve it. And that goes for his education and his career as much as for his love life.
He doesn't know if Blaine is 'right for him,' whatever that even means. But he does know that he likes him. He really, really likes him, so much. For the first time in a long time, he has no problem at all imagining more than friendship with someone. He wants to spend more time with him and get to know him better and definitely, definitely kiss him again, many times if Blaine is okay with that.
He's just sort of forgotten just how wonderful kissing actually was, but he remembers now.
And he keeps smiling down at his coffee cup and remembers the exact shape of his ridiculous eyebrows and the warm color of his beautiful eyes and the soft firmness of his lips and oh god his palms tingle and his insides get all fluttery when he thinks about him, he wants to spread out his arms and twirl on the spot and laugh and possibly float away with his feelings because he feels lighter than air with all the happiness filling him up until he wonders how he can contain it all.
It would have been enough to just be in his presence and admire him from afar and get to talk to him occasionally whenever Blaine needed questions answered about New York or college. But this - this is so much better.
Now he'll just have to wait until Friday before he'll see him again. But at least he knows there's going to be a lot of texting until then.
**
Friday he has to assist in teaching three afternoon classes back to back and he'll get out at five-thirty; enough time to rush home and shower and change before Blaine picks him up an hour later. They'll go to dinner again and even though Kurt had insisted that he'd be the one to pick up Blaine this time around, Blaine had disagreed.
I get out of school at four. I have time to go home and even get bored before I have to leave. You have work and then you need to go change, and it's just easier if you let me do the driving. Stop arguing about this, his text reads.
You make an excellent point, but we'll have to schedule the next date in a way that allows me to do the picking up, okay? I am feeling a slight imbalance developing here, he had replied.
Blaine had simply texted back: Just the thought of getting to have a third date with you makes me very excited so there is no way I'm going to say no to that.
And then, half a minute later several texts in rapid succession: And now I hope that you don't think I expect anything to happen on the third date, I wasn't referring to that, like THIRD DATE, I swear it's not like that!!!
Although maybe you hadn't even been reading that into it and I have only now made it creepy that way?
Not that the thought is creepy!
It's a very nice thought!
I like the thought!
Not as in “I'm constantly thinking about it,” I swear I am not!
I mean I think I want to, eventually, but we've been on one date so far.
And oh my god maybe you don't even want to and I'm probably making it sound like it's all I'm thinking about and oh my god, I'm making it worse, right?
I'm not dating you because of that! I'm dating you because I really really like you.
You know that, right?
I like you, Kurt. I like spending time with you.
And I promise you that I'm not as weird as these texts probably make me seem.
I'll shut up now and hope that I haven't completely freaked you out.
I just really REALLY like you, Kurt. A lot.
Kurt remembers staring down at his phone, amused and too busy hiding half of his face behind one hand to respond for a moment.
Blaine? he had written eventually.
Yes?
I really, really like you too.
Oh. I'm glad! :)
And I'm really looking forward to all of our dates!
Good! Same here!
He'd smiled and felt happy and honestly, he can't remember ever being this excited about going on a date before. This is all new.
He likes it.
**
It's the fifteen-minute break between the second and third class when Kurt checks his phone in the changing room and notices seven missed calls from Carole in ten minutes, the last one less then three minutes ago.
His breath stops, his face goes cold, his palms start sweating.
Because why would Carole call him seven times at work, when she knows he's going to be home in an hour anyway, there can be only one reason...
No, he thinks as he hits the call back button with numb fingers, no no no no no no no no no
“Kurt,” Carole says, picking up on the fifth ring and her voice is distant, cool, controlled and he knows what it means he knows he knows
“What happened?” he asks, surprised when his own voice comes out steady.
“We're at the hospital,” she says. “He's in with the doctor right now, I called as soon as we got here -”
“Is he alive?”
“Yes. But I thought you might want to be here.”
“I'm on my way.”
“Don't drive! Get Hiram to drive you! You are not in any rush now, they're still checking him over. It might be a while yet.”
“Hiram has a class. I'll be fine. I'm leaving now.”
“Kurt, I swear to god,” Carole says, and suddenly her voice breaks, for just the tiniest moment before she catches herself again. “You will not drive here by yourself. You will ask someone to drop you off. I have Hiram's number and I'll be calling him right after we hang up. If you get behind the wheel right now and anything happens to you I don't care that you're twenty-one, I'm going to ground you into the next millennium.”
“Carole -” he says, and doesn't know what else to say, his dad's in the hospital and he has to be there now and he doesn't have the time for this...
“Kurt! Don't drive!”
“I have to get there now.”
“Do not drive, Hiram will drive you, I know he will, you can't - you can't -”
“Okay,” he says, just to end this conversation already so he can get going, he has to leave. “Okay, I won't. I promise. I won't!”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“I'll be there soon,” he says and hangs up, and Hiram is already standing there holding his keys.
“Your dad?” he asks.
Kurt nods, lowers the hand holding his phone, breathes deeply once, twice, so he won't cry. “I have to go, I need to -”
“Come on,” Hiram says, waving him on and striding for the door.
“Your class -” Kurt starts.
He dismisses it with a wave of his hand, holds the door for him. “Don't worry about that right now.”
Kurt looks at him, wants to argue, but they're losing valuable time and when he tries to take a step and his knees are shaking he admits that yes, okay, maybe driving isn't such a great idea right now.
Unable to say anything right then, he follows Hiram out to the car.
**
Carole gets up out of the plastic chair she'd been sitting in when he bursts into the waiting area, and he stops in his tracks, pants.
“Is he -”
“I haven't heard anything yet,” Carole says, shrugs helplessly.
And with a few steps he's there and hugging her and she's hugging him back and he hides his face against her shoulder.
Just a little while ago he'd been so grateful that he didn't have to go through it all by himself anymore. But right now, standing here not knowing anything, he still feels pretty damn alone.
**
“He was having trouble breathing,” she says, leans back in her chair as if she can't hold herself upright any longer. “He was starting to panic a bit and he was - he was sort of wheezing, I just - his heart muscle is weak, I was afraid that he - it could be - I just had to get him here, if he - if it's just - they can fix it -”
Kurt's sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, feeling … exhausted. He's tired and scared and he needs to know what's going on he needs to - he needs to - “He's been eating right,” he says. “He's been doing his exercises and getting his rest, I just - what went wrong?”
She shrugs, puts a hand on his shoulder. “I don't know, Kurt. He's sick. These things - they happen. It's not anything that could have necessarily been prevented by anything we did.”
“Where's the doctor? Why won't anyone tell us anything?”
“They need to run their tests, they need to -”
“I only - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” He rubs a hand over his face, sighs. “I'm -” He's shaking. He can't lose control right now. “Just a little nervous.”
“God, me too.” She lets out a long breath. “I had to drive him here. He wouldn't let me call an ambulance.”
“What?” He looks up at her, stunned. “He - I'm gonna have some words with him once he gets out of here.”
“He kept insisting that it was nothing, he didn't want to -”
“He had two heart attacks, I can't believe this!”
“Even when he started panicking. He kept saying that if it was nothing we'd have to take a cab home and it was a waste of money.”
“A waste of -” He puts both hands over his face, groans. “God dammit, dad.”
“He's stubborn. Stubborn enough to pull through this, you know that.”
“He's had two heart attacks already.”
She sighs. “I know.”
“Carole -” He's hanging on by a thread and he needs to get it together, they need to be able to take care of each other. “What if - what if - this can be really serious, right?”
She is silent for a moment, then continues rubbing his back in tiny, soothing circles. “Yes. It could be. But the waiting is the worst part,” she whispers. “I forgot about that. How did I forget about that?”
And he knows what she's talking about, he knows what she's afraid of, and he does wish he could help her, but … the pain is like a living, breathing thing inside of him and he can't contain it, can't even understand it. His dad...
His phone vibrates in his pocket and for a moment he's confused as he sees Blaine's name flashing up on his screen. Then he remembers, and he doesn't want to talk to anyone, he feels brittle and raw and like he's going to implode or dissolve on the floor or … But it's Blaine, and even though Kurt doesn't want to deal with this right now he knows that he has to.
“Hey,” he answers.
“Um, hi,” Blaine says, sounding very confused and a little irritated. “We said six-thirty, right?”
“Blaine -”
“Because, uh. It's six-forty-five and I'm outside your house where I have been waiting for fifteen minutes and no one is opening the door. Your car is gone too. So I guess I was just wondering -”
“Blaine, my dad's in the hospital,” Kurt manages, voice as steady as he can make it. “I didn't -”
“Oh my god,” Blaine breathes. “Kurt, I'm sorry, I -”
“I forgot to text you, I'm sorry, I didn't think - we've been waiting to hear something and I just -”
“Don't apologize,” Blaine says. “God, Kurt, don't - What can I do? What do you need? Do you need me to bring you anything? Tell me what you need and I'll do it, god, I'm so sorry -”
“It's okay, Blaine,” Kurt says. “I don't need anything. You can - you can just go home, I'm sorry about our date, I just can't, I need -”
“Are you alone there? You're not alone, right?”
“No, I'm - Carole is here. I'm fine.”
“- Is it bad?”
He breathes, and he can't keep his voice from shaking. “I don't know yet. It might be. I don't - I don't know.”
Blaine is quiet for a second, then says, voice low, “Do you need a hug? I'll start driving right now.”
“You can't drive all across town just for a hug.”
“Of course I can.”
“Blaine -”
“Unless you don't want me there. And you can be honest about that, we've been dating for, like, five minutes, I don't want to crowd you, I just - I want to help. If you need me, I'll be there; I just, I really want to hug you.”
Kurt breathes, breathes, hugs one arms around his chest and presses the phone closer to his ear with the other hand, closes his eyes to keep back the stupid, pointless tears. He does want Blaine. God, he wants him, it's crazy to want him here this much, but he can't help it, he is barely holding it together and he can't lose it in front of Carole who looks as pale and scared as he feels...
“I can't ask you for that. I can't -”
“You don't have to. You don't have to ask. I'll be right there,” Blaine says firmly. “Give me fifteen minutes. I'll be there.”
“Blaine -”
“I'll be there!”
“- Thank you!”
**
Carole has wandered off to find coffee. Kurt doesn't want anything right now, doesn't think he could keep it down anyway.
He's sitting hunched over in his chair when the door to the waiting area bursts open and he looks up, back straightening when he sees Blaine standing there, cheeks flushed and breathing heavily, probably from hurrying to get here.
“Kurt!” he says, starts toward him, and Kurt barely manages to lift himself from his chair and open his arms for him before Blaine is already in them, grabbing him in close.
Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine's shoulders and shudders and fists his hands in the back of his shirt - his knees are still weak but he's being held so tightly he couldn't fall if he wanted to.
“Blaine,” he breathes into the side of his neck, and squeezes his eyes closed. “Thank you.”
“I drove as fast as I could,” Blaine whispers. “I'm so sorry, I - Do you know anything yet?”
Kurt shakes his head, lets himself sink a little further into the embrace. “Can't be much longer now though. It's just - it can't be much longer now.”
“Do you need anything?” Blaine wants to know.
Kurt pulls back, does his best to smile at him even if his insides are still twisting with fear. “No. I already got my hug. I really needed that.”
“You can have as many hugs as you want.”
He tilts his forehead against Blaine's and it's insane to feel so comforted by his presence when they have known each other for so short a time. He doesn't care. “I can't believe you came here. You're crazy.”
“I'm here for as long as you need me.”
“Blaine, I can't ask you to -”
Blaine calmly takes his face between his hands, covers Kurt's lips with his own in a soft, gentle kiss. “Kurt,” he says. “You're not asking. I'm offering.”
“But you don't have to -”
“I want to. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.”
Kurt pauses, knows he should argue, tell Blaine he doesn't have to stay, they've been on one date, been hanging out just a little longer than that, he shouldn't - He can't send him away, not when having him here feels so good.
“I don't know how I can ever make this up to you.”
Blaine shrugs. “I'm not doing this so you'll repay me. I'm here because I really, really care about you.”
Kurt pulls him back into another hug and he hasn't been able to fight this feeling when things were relatively okay. If it's a mistake to be feeling so much when he's with Blaine, he can regret it later. Right now, he just wants to get through the next few hours.
He's still holding onto Blaine tightly when Carole comes back around the corner, cup of coffee in hand, pausing as she sees the two boys hugging.
“Carole,” he says, pulls back but makes sure to keep a hand on Blaine's back - it makes him feel grounded. “This is Blaine.”
The smile can't quite ease the worry lines from her face, but she holds out a hand anyway and Blaine takes it.
“Blaine,” she says. “It's so nice to finally put a face to a name. Kurt has been talking about you a lot.”
Even with the entire world in disarray, he still manages to blush. “Blaine, this is Carole, my wicked stepmother,” he says, “Whose new mission in life seems to be to embarrass me.”
“It's nice to meet you,” Blaine says.
Carole nods. “It's really nice of you to be here for Kurt.”
“It's not a problem,” Blaine says earnestly. “I'm here to help. Anything you need, just let me know.”
Carole smiles at him, then gives Kurt a warm look before sitting back down in her abandoned plastic chair and checking her watch. “I really could use some good news right about now.”
“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, leads Blaine back over to the row of chairs to sit down beside Carole. “Same.”
She sighs and lets her head drop to Kurt's shoulder, exhausted, and he drapes an arm around her shoulders to offer whatever little comfort he has to give in return. On his other side, Blaine sits as close as the chairs bolted to the floor allow, tightly holding on to his hand. Kurt smiles at him and Blaine's eyes are concerned, warm, filled with affection.
Kurt doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want any of this to be happening. But if it has to be happening at all, he is, at least, not alone for it this time.
He thinks back to being in this hospital years ago, on his own, young and lost and so afraid, the only people by his side his teachers because the friends he had were so new and they didn't really understand, and he didn't really understand how to let them help. And his dad and Carole had still been so new back then, together for only such a short amount of time, and he hadn't known how much he could count on her, hadn't known if he could trust her.
Now, he's still young and still lost and still afraid. But at least he's surrounded by the people who care about him. There's Carole, a part of his family, sharing the burden of everything; and there may be shared burdens that weigh just as heavily as one carried alone, but at least someone else is there to understand the weight of it. And then there's a boy who cares about him enough to be here and hold his hand, a boy who doesn't hesitate driving all across town and entering a hospital waiting room just to give him a hug. He's not alone, and even if that doesn't make the fear any less acute, it still feels good to know that.
Now the only other thing he has to know is what the hell is wrong with his dad so he can put a name to the fear. Nameless fear is the most paralyzing fear of all.
It's another fifteen minutes almost before a doctor finally appears through the doors they're not allowed through - Kurt remembers these doors well from previous hospital visits and he has never stopped loathing them, has never forgotten the fear of sitting on the waiting side of them.
They stand up almost as one, limbs unfolding in near perfect synchrony. Distantly, Kurt thinks that if the occasion were less serious, he'd probably be amused by the random, unintentional beauty of the movement.
“Doctor?” Carole asks.
He can't begin to emphasize enough how grateful he is to have her here to do the talking for once - not that he's not capable of it, but it feels good not having to be in charge every second of every moment.
“He's stable,” the doctor says, and Kurt feels his knees want to buckle, grips Blaine's hand tighter in his own. It's relief, mostly, and fatigue, and the frustration of the endless dragging moment, he wants the entire explanation all at once; wants to know: why was this evening necessary for any of them?
“Then what happened?” he asks, realizes, on the edge of his consciousness, that he doesn't even know the doctor's name yet.
“You did the right thing, bringing him in when you did,” the doctor says to Carole, and Kurt squints his eyes at his name tag, it says 'Franklin.'
“Thank you,” she says, twisting her hands tightly together. “What's wrong with him?”
Dr. Franklin's face stays carefully neutral as he looks at them, and Kurt wonders how long he had to practice for this kind of thing. “Pulmonary edema,” he says.
“I was afraid of that,” Carole replies.
Kurt just stares. “Excuse me, but - what?”
“Fluid in his lungs,” Carole explains.
“We put him on oxygen and are giving him diuretics, he's responding well and it really was good that you rushed him here, we were able to help quickly,” Dr. Franklin assures them, smiling at Kurt.
“Fluid in his lungs sounds - it doesn't sound good,” Kurt says. “It - what does it -”
“Untreated, it's a life-threatening condition, yes,” the doctor tells him. “But now that we have him here, we can help him. And we are helping him.”
“Does he have to stay here?” Kurt wants to know, chest too tight, life-threatening condition. Dammit, dad.
“I'm sorry,” Dr. Franklin says. “But yes. For a few days at least. We'll know more soon, for now he has to stay on oxygen and we put him on a drip. But really. He's going to be fine.”
Kurt leans into Blaine, breathes, breathes, asks, “Can I see him? Please?” It's like … the world is spinning, too fast, too fast, and he has to see him, it's not enough to hear it, he has to see that his father is alive and well and that he didn't lose him.
“Of course,” the doctor says. “Yes, you can see him.”
Kurt nods, closes his eyes, feels Blaine squeeze his hand and press a kiss to his cheek.
“I'll wait out here, okay?” he whispers.
He turns his face so their foreheads bump off each other as Carole is talking with the doctor a few steps away, keeps his eyes closed. “Blaine - thank you. Just. Thank you!”
“I'm glad he's gonna be okay, Kurt,” Blaine says. “I'm really glad.”
He opens his eyes, wants to cry with relief, swallows down the tears. “Yeah. I'm really glad too.”
“Go see him,” Blaine says, smiles. “I'll be here when you're done. I'll take you home.”
“You don't have to wait for me. You - I'm okay now. I'll be okay. I can drive home with Carole. You don't have to stay.”
“I don't mind waiting,” Blaine promises. “Unless you want me to leave. But if you have no objections I'd like to -” he smiles, a little shy, a little crooked. “- end our 'date' the proper way by dropping you off in front of your house.”
“As far as dates go, I guess this was a bit unconventional, huh?” Kurt asks, feels the laughter deep inside, too weak to make it all the way out, but god he's so grateful to not be left on his own.
“I don't mind unconventional,” Blaine assures him.
You're kind of amazing, he wants to say, instead tilts their foreheads together one more time, squeezes his fingers. “I won't be long.”
“Take as much time as you need.”
“Thank you,” he says, again, and finally lets go of his hand to walk through those loathed doors right into the belly of the beast, where his father is still breathing. Weak and in a hospital bed, but still breathing. Still alive.
Small victories. He's really come to appreciate them, those last few years.