oh well...
I was a cool lifeguard for like, 10 years.
The first thing you learn in lifeguard class is to save yourself.
I forgot about that for a little while.
Corporate America is rife with messages of Teamwork, Teambuilding, Team Emails, Team Time, Team Team Team Team Team Team.
Teams are for assholes.
From now on, I am a renegade.
I might look like I am part of a Team but I'm not.
I totally deferred a couple of times, because you know... I thought that's what I should do for my (fucking) Team?
I was nothin' but dead wrong.
Icaught my Team Lead telling the kind of lie that might not be a lie,because everyone believes that they are correct, right? Okay, exceptfor me, and that's because I'm a damn idiot.
So I catch this lie,an email lie, which pretty much consisted of asking management to helpher because I was refusing to do work that she asked me to do.
I got things cleared up with Power Players but she won't talk to me at all. I mean,
at
all.
Theboiling point was when I pointed out to her that there was no reason tosay such a thing, since umm... it's not true. I pointed out that Ineeded to talk to her about the deadline she requested because therewas no way I could accommodate it. I pointed out that I have done thisa hundred times before and a hundred times we have found a deadline wecan both accept.
The whole time?
I felt like she was freaking out.
I mean, freaking out the way I freak out.
Itwas weird to be the person in control of the situation and to actuallyhave the high ground. It didn’t matter that she wasn't going toacknowledge the high ground - we both knew who had it, especially whenshe said, "If you don't want to do it, just get it started and I'llfinish it."
To which I responded, "Have I ever not finished something for you?"
"No."
I walked away and we are not speaking.
She seemed to think that because she is busy, very busy, that she is busier than anyone else.
She's not.
I've been at work for 10 and 11 hours for weeks.
I can't remember the last time I went to lunch.
I consider my little essay to be a break and in case you're not paying attention, I haven't been getting too many breaks.
Tomorrow,we are both out at a client’s all day. She has a Blackberry, whichmeans she’ll be able to check her emails and forward her calls.
Ihave my cell phone, which means that I will have to use my daytimeminutes to check my voicemail and I’m so busy that I have to check myvoicemail. I’ll have to direct emailers with an obnoxious Out of Officestating that they better call me and leave a message or wait for me toget back on Thursday.
I’ll also have to make a little phone book totake with me so that I have all of the numbers I’ll need to use duringthe day, while I am calling on my limited peak minutes, on my beat uplittle phone that is over two years old and that doesn’t charge verywell anymore, for some reason.
And when I told her that she wouldneed to take all of the supplies for the meeting with her when she leftthis afternoon, at 3:30, she called me to ask me why.
I lied, and this is rich.
Ilied and I told her that I had my friend’s PA in my trunk and that thedog would be all over anything that I put in the backseat.
“I don’t know what a PA is. Do I have to take all of these boxes?”
“Yes.”
Hey… what can I say?
A PA was the heaviest and biggest thing I could think of and the dog?
She’ll totally stay in the front seat if I put something ball shaped in her mouth.
The thing is, I had to start thinking about myself and myself?
Shedidn’t feel like moving the shit in my trunk around. She didn’t feellike trying to maneuver two big boxes into a coupe. She was done withTeam.
I am transitioning to a new position and it couldn’t happen fast enough.
Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels that way but at least I fucking FINALLY got two things that I knew I had earned:
1.The high road. You know, I was actually thinking that a cool video gamewould be High Road-Low Road. You would make a little Sim-type characterand she would set out on one or the other and have to negotiate thepratfalls that are intrinsic. She might even be able to find littleplaces where she can cut across, like say she’s on the High Road andshe’s having a hard time with a Keep your Mouth Shut challenge. Shecould find a portal and suddenly be on the low road and you would makeher shout and stomp her feet and cry. As long as she did it to theright person and for the right result, she would advance.
2. Theother thing I wanted to validation that my work is good. I got that inone simple question, with one simple answer. The exchange this morning,while unpleasant for me in that it ached with maturity, it was good forme. I was right and there was no way, not one, single, remote, hint ofa chance that she could say, to my face, that I didn’t do for her whatshe asks from me.
Teams really are for assholes because you know, at the end of the very long day?
Youhave to save yourself first and I should have done it a long time ago,when I suspected there was some behind-the-scenes bullcrap.
On theother hand, and this hand is not about to say that Teams are not forassholes, but on the other hand, maybe it's good that I got proof ofthe debasement because this way, I got to speak to her with adiamond-clear conscious.
There was NOTHING to do but tell me the truth.
Check and checkmate.
I knew that the truth was that I was very good at what I did.
The first thing you learn in lifeguard class is to save yourself.
I forgot about that for a little while.
Corporate America is rife with messages of Teamwork, Teambuilding, Team Emails, Team Time, Team Team Team Team Team Team.
Teams are for assholes.
From now on, I am a renegade.
I might look like I am part of a Team but I'm not.
I totally deferred a couple of times, because you know... I thought that's what I should do for my (fucking) Team?
I was nothin' but dead wrong.
Icaught my Team Lead telling the kind of lie that might not be a lie,because everyone believes that they are correct, right? Okay, exceptfor me, and that's because I'm a damn idiot.
So I catch this lie,an email lie, which pretty much consisted of asking management to helpher because I was refusing to do work that she asked me to do.
I got things cleared up with Power Players but she won't talk to me at all. I mean,
at
all.
Theboiling point was when I pointed out to her that there was no reason tosay such a thing, since umm... it's not true. I pointed out that Ineeded to talk to her about the deadline she requested because therewas no way I could accommodate it. I pointed out that I have done thisa hundred times before and a hundred times we have found a deadline wecan both accept.
The whole time?
I felt like she was freaking out.
I mean, freaking out the way I freak out.
Itwas weird to be the person in control of the situation and to actuallyhave the high ground. It didn’t matter that she wasn't going toacknowledge the high ground - we both knew who had it, especially whenshe said, "If you don't want to do it, just get it started and I'llfinish it."
To which I responded, "Have I ever not finished something for you?"
"No."
I walked away and we are not speaking.
She seemed to think that because she is busy, very busy, that she is busier than anyone else.
She's not.
I've been at work for 10 and 11 hours for weeks.
I can't remember the last time I went to lunch.
I consider my little essay to be a break and in case you're not paying attention, I haven't been getting too many breaks.
Tomorrow,we are both out at a client’s all day. She has a Blackberry, whichmeans she’ll be able to check her emails and forward her calls.
Ihave my cell phone, which means that I will have to use my daytimeminutes to check my voicemail and I’m so busy that I have to check myvoicemail. I’ll have to direct emailers with an obnoxious Out of Officestating that they better call me and leave a message or wait for me toget back on Thursday.
I’ll also have to make a little phone book totake with me so that I have all of the numbers I’ll need to use duringthe day, while I am calling on my limited peak minutes, on my beat uplittle phone that is over two years old and that doesn’t charge verywell anymore, for some reason.
And when I told her that she wouldneed to take all of the supplies for the meeting with her when she leftthis afternoon, at 3:30, she called me to ask me why.
I lied, and this is rich.
Ilied and I told her that I had my friend’s PA in my trunk and that thedog would be all over anything that I put in the backseat.
“I don’t know what a PA is. Do I have to take all of these boxes?”
“Yes.”
Hey… what can I say?
A PA was the heaviest and biggest thing I could think of and the dog?
She’ll totally stay in the front seat if I put something ball shaped in her mouth.
The thing is, I had to start thinking about myself and myself?
Shedidn’t feel like moving the shit in my trunk around. She didn’t feellike trying to maneuver two big boxes into a coupe. She was done withTeam.
I am transitioning to a new position and it couldn’t happen fast enough.
Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels that way but at least I fucking FINALLY got two things that I knew I had earned:
1.The high road. You know, I was actually thinking that a cool video gamewould be High Road-Low Road. You would make a little Sim-type characterand she would set out on one or the other and have to negotiate thepratfalls that are intrinsic. She might even be able to find littleplaces where she can cut across, like say she’s on the High Road andshe’s having a hard time with a Keep your Mouth Shut challenge. Shecould find a portal and suddenly be on the low road and you would makeher shout and stomp her feet and cry. As long as she did it to theright person and for the right result, she would advance.
2. Theother thing I wanted to validation that my work is good. I got that inone simple question, with one simple answer. The exchange this morning,while unpleasant for me in that it ached with maturity, it was good forme. I was right and there was no way, not one, single, remote, hint ofa chance that she could say, to my face, that I didn’t do for her whatshe asks from me.
Teams really are for assholes because you know, at the end of the very long day?
Youhave to save yourself first and I should have done it a long time ago,when I suspected there was some behind-the-scenes bullcrap.
On theother hand, and this hand is not about to say that Teams are not forassholes, but on the other hand, maybe it's good that I got proof ofthe debasement because this way, I got to speak to her with adiamond-clear conscious.
There was NOTHING to do but tell me the truth.
Check and checkmate.
I knew that the truth was that I was very good at what I did.