you seem so out of context/in this guady apt complex/now I'm seeing/why I was the one worth leaving
quick update, I'm exhausted but I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about earlier and how I kinda overreacted, plus revenge of the evil headache is back...I stopped taking the meds they were giving me for migraines bc it made me sleepy and I had soooo much shit to do, including WORK...ugh...and so w/o the meds the migraine is back :( but it's ok I just took another pill, the first one is knocking me out already...they do say rest is the best medicine (but I feel like thats ALL I've been doing lately...)
I guess this update wont be as quick since I have so much on my mind all the time recently...
talked to miller today, she assured me I will be graduating
relay for life is tomorrow and I made really cute posters :)
kalia and I are doing well, but I guess thats what I've had on my mind a lot...since last fri...
earlier that week he told me he was going to a party, I had a really bad night and all I wanted to do was to see him and have him tell me it would all be ok, b/c thats what he does...so he (like a good boyfriend) skipped the party to listen to me vent about my parents, and graduation, stress, prom, work, etc. I on the other hand went to a party for ryan and brandon last fri, he (like a good boyfriend) made it known that if I wanted to go he was 100% behind me going, even encouraging me to go...but I (like a bad girlfriend) went anyway, I know that sounds ridiculous like if he was encouraging me why was it bad that I went? b/c he didn't REALLY want me to go, and we all knew that, but I did...and it kinda upset him that I didn't show him the same respect/do him the same favor...understandable, no big blowouts or anything-everything was fine, just my guilty conscience...not to mention I HAVE been having doubts and I didn't drink for the sole reason that I was afraid I might cheat on him...party ended up being a bust anyway, so many people there it was hard to hear myself think...plus I was tired, had to work the next day, and really just felt bad for going...
not to mention I hung out with robert, and it's funny bc I dated him to get back at justin but in the end he broke up with me which I guess left a scar bc as bad as it sounds I didn't think he was good enough for me and for him to break up with me was a blow to the ego...so now when I look at him I realize that things were just left unsaid, undone, and unraveled...lol thats a lot of "UNS" anywho...hanging out with him tested my feelings for kalia, I went home and begged kalia to come over to "talk" which only angered him bc he had to work in the morning, he couldn't come over, and I insisted on only talking in person...(I threw a baby fit) but ended up just grazing over some issues and feeling more secure in our relationship...
Again tonight I threw a fit bc I have relay for life tomorrow night and since I'm doing something, I'd rather he was at home doing nothing which is selfish and controlling but what he wants to do is go to akins spring show (we had planned on going together) where the infamous tammy will be...and it doesn't even matter bc what is he going to do? have sex with her while she performs? it's just me being a stupid brat and wanting him to be at his house where I know it's "safe" lol...can we tell that ali as control issues? I dunno, I was just being stupid and now that I think about it, it really doesn't matter bc he's going to go no matter what, at least this way I don't have to watch stupid akins girls dance for 2 hours..
for some reason I've just felt very insecure lately and I honestly think the time I don't spend with him tomorrow and during the day saturday will help a lot...we see each other so much it's hard to find compassion 24/7...mind you, when we are together things are great, I just let little things get to me, like when you spend too much time with your best friend, you love her to death, but little things start to annoy you...except with him it's like little things start to make me wonder what he's really thinking and I get paranoid...though in reality, now that I put it into written word, he's given me no reason to feel suspicious...it's just my own insecurity-how gay...
something that does bother me, but I guess shouldn't, is tonight was the second time he's brought up this summer and how we won't see each other as much when I'm going to school and he's moving into another apt on his own...I honestly think things will get better bc I will have a car, no more high school, I will be working, and schedules are different in college...I think it's going to be a welcome change, I just wonder now after him bringing it up again if he will be able to handle it...but I plan on crossing that bridge when we get there...lately it's seemed like he needs me more than I need him, yet I feel like I care about him more if that makes any sense, it's like a paradox...whatever, I'm just stressing myself out over stupid crap bc it's easier to think about than other stupid crap :)
other than that life is great :)
and I'm sooooo incredibly tired...I'm gonna go pass out...
ali
I guess this update wont be as quick since I have so much on my mind all the time recently...
talked to miller today, she assured me I will be graduating
relay for life is tomorrow and I made really cute posters :)
kalia and I are doing well, but I guess thats what I've had on my mind a lot...since last fri...
earlier that week he told me he was going to a party, I had a really bad night and all I wanted to do was to see him and have him tell me it would all be ok, b/c thats what he does...so he (like a good boyfriend) skipped the party to listen to me vent about my parents, and graduation, stress, prom, work, etc. I on the other hand went to a party for ryan and brandon last fri, he (like a good boyfriend) made it known that if I wanted to go he was 100% behind me going, even encouraging me to go...but I (like a bad girlfriend) went anyway, I know that sounds ridiculous like if he was encouraging me why was it bad that I went? b/c he didn't REALLY want me to go, and we all knew that, but I did...and it kinda upset him that I didn't show him the same respect/do him the same favor...understandable, no big blowouts or anything-everything was fine, just my guilty conscience...not to mention I HAVE been having doubts and I didn't drink for the sole reason that I was afraid I might cheat on him...party ended up being a bust anyway, so many people there it was hard to hear myself think...plus I was tired, had to work the next day, and really just felt bad for going...
not to mention I hung out with robert, and it's funny bc I dated him to get back at justin but in the end he broke up with me which I guess left a scar bc as bad as it sounds I didn't think he was good enough for me and for him to break up with me was a blow to the ego...so now when I look at him I realize that things were just left unsaid, undone, and unraveled...lol thats a lot of "UNS" anywho...hanging out with him tested my feelings for kalia, I went home and begged kalia to come over to "talk" which only angered him bc he had to work in the morning, he couldn't come over, and I insisted on only talking in person...(I threw a baby fit) but ended up just grazing over some issues and feeling more secure in our relationship...
Again tonight I threw a fit bc I have relay for life tomorrow night and since I'm doing something, I'd rather he was at home doing nothing which is selfish and controlling but what he wants to do is go to akins spring show (we had planned on going together) where the infamous tammy will be...and it doesn't even matter bc what is he going to do? have sex with her while she performs? it's just me being a stupid brat and wanting him to be at his house where I know it's "safe" lol...can we tell that ali as control issues? I dunno, I was just being stupid and now that I think about it, it really doesn't matter bc he's going to go no matter what, at least this way I don't have to watch stupid akins girls dance for 2 hours..
for some reason I've just felt very insecure lately and I honestly think the time I don't spend with him tomorrow and during the day saturday will help a lot...we see each other so much it's hard to find compassion 24/7...mind you, when we are together things are great, I just let little things get to me, like when you spend too much time with your best friend, you love her to death, but little things start to annoy you...except with him it's like little things start to make me wonder what he's really thinking and I get paranoid...though in reality, now that I put it into written word, he's given me no reason to feel suspicious...it's just my own insecurity-how gay...
something that does bother me, but I guess shouldn't, is tonight was the second time he's brought up this summer and how we won't see each other as much when I'm going to school and he's moving into another apt on his own...I honestly think things will get better bc I will have a car, no more high school, I will be working, and schedules are different in college...I think it's going to be a welcome change, I just wonder now after him bringing it up again if he will be able to handle it...but I plan on crossing that bridge when we get there...lately it's seemed like he needs me more than I need him, yet I feel like I care about him more if that makes any sense, it's like a paradox...whatever, I'm just stressing myself out over stupid crap bc it's easier to think about than other stupid crap :)
other than that life is great :)
and I'm sooooo incredibly tired...I'm gonna go pass out...
ali