hello
i am currently on winter break and can not wait to go back to manhattan. altho break over all has been good. i hung out with jake alil bit and saw nine with him and henry and al. i think its nice that we are all friends. bryan finally came out which is a i told you so moment lol, but im happy he is finally being himself. ive talked to alex here and there thru text which is good but i have low expecatations for us. i think its better if we are just friends that way no one gets hurt. i think i liked the idea of soemthing happening between us but to be honest i dont think we are perfect for each other. i think me and jake are better for each other but its not the right time for something to happen. therefore, for the first time in my life or at least it feels taht way im single i have no boys, no one im hooking up with and its weird. i think i felt empty and lonely for awhile. but now i realize that i need to love myself and i need to work on myself. and i cant let a boy define me. i need to define me. i have to love me b/c if i dont then how could anyone else. i need to get good grades and focus so i can go to law school and make alot of money and not have to deal with bad things. then i can go shopping..alot haha not that i dont already. i wonder if its bad how happy shopping makes me. i just love nice quality things. i think the next couple of weeeks are going to be boring but once im back at school its like im constantly on the go. which is hard sometimes. b/c you dont have time to breathe , but at the same time i find it exhilarating. i want to succeed. i do im driven. im so sick of this whole weight obession. its everywhere. its like whenever im home all i do is eat bad, but constantly have people talking about weight. its frustrating. but overall home is okay and im excited to start school again. is nye and im home with mom and gar. but thats okay no one is really doing anything excitng..all my rh friends are in alabama with uconns marching band..and my school friends are all kinda doing their own thing w/ their fams/friends. so no big plans lol