Insecurities
God but don't I feel insecure and vulnerable right now. It's like someones opened my chest and is laying all of me out there for all to view and judge and I cannot explain why. Nothing has happened. Nothing has changed and nothing is planned for changing that would cause such a stripping of all my defenses and leave me a wreck like this.
I don't know, it's not like I'm crying or freaking out or panicing because of this. Im just off and insecure and touchy and fearful.
I find Im hiding and cowering and avoiding things that I would normally love.
Fuck, I actually told someone I trust with all of me that I felt used tonight. And I did, and I cried. I know I'm not used, that Im valued and loved in his own way, but for a moment in my vulnerability I felt used and dirty and worthless and it hurt.
That's when I saw what was going on.
I'm a bit better now, at least Im a bit more stable if nothing else
*sigh*
I really am beginning to hate this whole "having emotions and trying to open up and let people in" thing
I don't know, it's not like I'm crying or freaking out or panicing because of this. Im just off and insecure and touchy and fearful.
I find Im hiding and cowering and avoiding things that I would normally love.
Fuck, I actually told someone I trust with all of me that I felt used tonight. And I did, and I cried. I know I'm not used, that Im valued and loved in his own way, but for a moment in my vulnerability I felt used and dirty and worthless and it hurt.
That's when I saw what was going on.
I'm a bit better now, at least Im a bit more stable if nothing else
*sigh*
I really am beginning to hate this whole "having emotions and trying to open up and let people in" thing