(no subject)
Waiting...waiting...waiting until the sun goes down...
Its funny, when It finally does. I want it to go all day, thn when it does, I miss it. Everyday, without any clouds in the sky to a set. It decends, empty and hollow. Decadent. Boring it drops.
And I sit here, the only one in my familys house. Everyones at work but me. I pray and pray for a good, decent day off, to do the things I love. And when the day off finally comes around...
Nothing.
A waste of two perfectly good days off of my life. It very much dissapoints me. That I should live, only to be someones bagger. I cant even fucking draw anything, im so fucked in the head right now. I go to bed at 5am, and wake up later that day for work. Work work work, thats all it has become. Just earning money, and saving saving saving. I dont even know what for.
And I wish...for an escape. I hate feeling like a sitting duck.
My brother has his liscence and insurance, and I dont. He rubs it in my face. Asshole. He's grown up to be nothing but an asshole.
My stories only reek of tragedy. Nothing but depression, and hurt...so I dont write them much anymore.
Im determined to get my liscence, but I'm afraid of those words..."come back when your ready." I NEED this liscence. I dont even care If I have no one to go to, if the lisceence has no purpose but work...
I cant rely on others for it, and goodamnit, if my asshole, son of a bitch brother can get his liscence for stupid shit with his stupid fucking dumbass friends, then I can too, goddamnit!
These walls...they hurt...I cant be confide within them anymore. I cant live here anymore. I become useless here, and i know I can do so much more! I know I can be happy beyond here. I know, that out in the world, I will heal. I cant stay here. I have so much i need to do...
I cant hurt anymore. I dont want to be lonely ever again...
From this feeling in me...I have feared all away that used to bring me joy. Where I live is the cause, so I cant live here in isolation.
I miss them dearly. I wish I could heal...I wish I could have you all back.
I wish...for the earth to be flat, and my world still small again.
I hate times...when I am alone, and I feel myself falling into what I shouldnt think about. That nightmare...
I cant be a part of it anymore.
A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality,
this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little ooold.
But I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
But I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right heeeeeeeere.
(I'm gonna wait it oooout 3x)
If there were no rewards to reeeeap,
loving embrace to see me throuuuugh,
this tedious path I've chosen heeeeere,
I certainly would've walked awaaay by nooooow.
I'm gonna wait it oooout.
If there were no desire to heaaaal,
The damaged and broken met alooong,
this tedious path I've chosen heeeere,
I certainly would've walked awaaay by nooooow.
-And I still may. And I still may.-
(Be patieeent. 3x)
I must keep reminding myself of this... {repeats continually in background...
If there were no rewards to reaaaaap,
loving embrace to see me throuuuugh,
this tedious path I've chosen heeeeere,
I certainly would've walked awaaay by nooooow. ...finishes}
(And I still maaaay. 3x)
And I...
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it ouuuut.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it ouuuuut.
Its funny, when It finally does. I want it to go all day, thn when it does, I miss it. Everyday, without any clouds in the sky to a set. It decends, empty and hollow. Decadent. Boring it drops.
And I sit here, the only one in my familys house. Everyones at work but me. I pray and pray for a good, decent day off, to do the things I love. And when the day off finally comes around...
Nothing.
A waste of two perfectly good days off of my life. It very much dissapoints me. That I should live, only to be someones bagger. I cant even fucking draw anything, im so fucked in the head right now. I go to bed at 5am, and wake up later that day for work. Work work work, thats all it has become. Just earning money, and saving saving saving. I dont even know what for.
And I wish...for an escape. I hate feeling like a sitting duck.
My brother has his liscence and insurance, and I dont. He rubs it in my face. Asshole. He's grown up to be nothing but an asshole.
My stories only reek of tragedy. Nothing but depression, and hurt...so I dont write them much anymore.
Im determined to get my liscence, but I'm afraid of those words..."come back when your ready." I NEED this liscence. I dont even care If I have no one to go to, if the lisceence has no purpose but work...
I cant rely on others for it, and goodamnit, if my asshole, son of a bitch brother can get his liscence for stupid shit with his stupid fucking dumbass friends, then I can too, goddamnit!
These walls...they hurt...I cant be confide within them anymore. I cant live here anymore. I become useless here, and i know I can do so much more! I know I can be happy beyond here. I know, that out in the world, I will heal. I cant stay here. I have so much i need to do...
I cant hurt anymore. I dont want to be lonely ever again...
From this feeling in me...I have feared all away that used to bring me joy. Where I live is the cause, so I cant live here in isolation.
I miss them dearly. I wish I could heal...I wish I could have you all back.
I wish...for the earth to be flat, and my world still small again.
I hate times...when I am alone, and I feel myself falling into what I shouldnt think about. That nightmare...
I cant be a part of it anymore.
A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality,
this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little ooold.
But I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
But I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith. And I'm still right heeeeeeeere.
(I'm gonna wait it oooout 3x)
If there were no rewards to reeeeap,
loving embrace to see me throuuuugh,
this tedious path I've chosen heeeeere,
I certainly would've walked awaaay by nooooow.
I'm gonna wait it oooout.
If there were no desire to heaaaal,
The damaged and broken met alooong,
this tedious path I've chosen heeeere,
I certainly would've walked awaaay by nooooow.
-And I still may. And I still may.-
(Be patieeent. 3x)
I must keep reminding myself of this... {repeats continually in background...
If there were no rewards to reaaaaap,
loving embrace to see me throuuuugh,
this tedious path I've chosen heeeeere,
I certainly would've walked awaaay by nooooow. ...finishes}
(And I still maaaay. 3x)
And I...
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it ouuuut.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it ouuuuut.