Watch The Weather Change...
Currently Watching: Evanescence: Anywhere But Home
Currently Reading: Harry Potter and The Sorcerers Stone (book 1 of supposed 7)
Currently Playing: Silent Hill (ive never played it. Thanks Talia for letting me borrow it ^^!)
Currently Listening: Vast & Evanescence Anywhere But Home CD
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I woke up today at 2:22pm. I had been fidgeting in my bed all night, and I know why. The weather is changing...It was too warm under my covers now. Spring is near.
Its nuts, one moment its the dead of winter, the next...I dont know. Its good though, time needs to change a bit. It was wierd waking up, like entering a warm dream.
It was something about last night...being in by blue box suffocated in an inky veil of night...I felt completely alone. Like so many times that I have felt before.
It sucks to live out here (6 miles to the nearest town in our neighborhood).
More and more, I feel a need to express myself, I feel all the more need to vent out everything I keep pent up inside. I dont know how though......singing, playing guitar, drawing, and writing...I feel numb to them all, like I wont be able to achieve the best way to use them as a conduit for my feelings. I cant keep them inside anymore. I can not. There was something about my empty, four walls and a roof thats finally got under my skin entirely. The feeling is horrible.
My box...and then work.
My box...and then...work.
...
Work is an ugly face with a pretty husk thrown on it. Its made to look pleasant, but underneath...its horrible. A job, like a cycle that is never fully satisfying. It looks like im going to be chained there for a few more months. I still dont think im ready to get my liscence, even when my younger brother has his now. He doesnt even need it. Then theres my friend Kris, whom lost his job a couple of days ago. I knew it shouldnt have been a cornerstone to clutch onto. We still plan on roomating, we're just not sure when.
It fucking blows.
I want to visit all of you guys, but things like to conform me. Things I dont have much control over. Things that hurt...depression-wize.
(Amanda, Talia, Aida, Vanessa, Aubs and Cry. I love you guys, I just dont like the feeling that I'm unable to see you as often as I want for various, stupid reasons; be it transportation, or money...but It was never time...before I got this job. Now, it seems...it is.)
I feel alone. I should do now at 6:13pm what I couldnt do this morning at 1am. I should call you guys.
...
There is something very surreal about this day...
It seems...off. And pleasant, I suppose.
My ultimate dream...
Is to have my liscence.
It is, to be roomating with by best friend since High School in an apartment. I would want a job with flexible, good hours and good pay. I would like to have a comic book out, a nice computer, and going to an art school. I would like to have all my friends within a small, good driving distance or by phone. When I'm older, I would like to be in a band and play good music, and I would like to have a demo tape out. I would like to be free from the nightmare of this place...and some place beautiful...Tempe, I guess. I would like a girlfriend who supports me in what I do and is there for me. I would obviously do the same for her. I would love her...and I dont know why its so hard to find one... ._.
Preferably Amy Lee, though lol.
Most of all, I dont want to hurt people to get what I desire (not a threat, simply a wish). I dont want them to hurt me as well.
I need to find a way out of all this.
"And the day comes to a close, lidless and without clouds to a set."
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Where did Kyla go? Is she moving? (Well, happy birthday to her ^.^)