-The_Middleground-
Wow, 365 days have passed since January 1st...and I honestly dont know what to do. Im in...a transition, much like small periods of time that have happened in the past, but this one is different. A big part of my life has just ended, one for the most part I never thought woul pass. Im where Ive wanted to be for the past 6 months to a year, and yet I am not happy. Perhaps I should be patient and let things flow before I begin to judge, but...There is no words to truly describe the shit I have gone through this year...You never know absolute pain untilk you practically loose yourself in it...and I have. I havent told you enough how many nights I didnt want to exist because the feeling became unbearable, and no matter how hard I tried to escape it, it didnt cease.
But tommorrow is another year, I suppose. Things will not be the same this time around--I will not be the same next time around. I honestly dont know how to feel right now, the storm has settled, but I dont know what to do with the aftermath. My friends Aida, Vanessa, I thank them for withstanding myself that i cant seem to hold togather, to be by my side when things buckle, simmer and snap under too much pressure. I love them, they are what I value the most. I dont know what to do, I had held onto something for so long, now I find myself with nothing, it seems. I have dreams, but they seem hopeless...There is all too much to complain about upon this subject.Id rather not think about it.
Yesterday was nice. I got to spend time with my high school friend Amanda. She's really cool, and I missed her dearly. It was fun, she showed me her Evanescence DVD (what we call "The Amy Lee DVD" called 'anywhere but home.' We love her to death, she is a great inspiration to the both of us. Amy has such a shining talent, and her aura is awesome as well. She's a big goofball-lol. Id love to meet her some day, and marry her-lol. Im just joking...--not. Amanda also got a really REALLY nice electric guitar. Its an Epiphone SG, its all black and its sound is very clear. She named it Prescious ^_^. Then me and her huddled around the computer and I drew her a picture of Amy Lee. I was satisfied with the way it came out. I thought I was doing good until I looked at the picture, but oh well-lol. Her mom is awesome, she's such a nice, warm person. She bought the two of us pizza, and I thought it was completely awesome of her. I honestly had so much fun i didnt want to leave. Living where I do makes you realize how nice friendship is, espescially when I rarely get to see them. But...I had to come home, and that was the worst part of yesterday. Its the same as it always is--cursed. I come home to its hollow, negativity-inducing walls and I am cvompletely depressed. I even tried to put some pictures up to hide the walls, but i still know theyre there...the prision I cant be rid of. I hope this job thing goes well, so that Ill be happy and never have to see my room. I honestly dont think I can bear another day inside my room.
I also called Aida and my friend from the high school art room, Anthony. Aida's good, shes just been really busy. She came into town with no money, and his been working overtime ever since. Anthony I havent talked to in forever, since August. I called him to see how he was (and for my Army Of Darkness DVD, but dont tell him I said that). He said he's been horrible, and he owes places lots of money. The good news is that he's found a beautiful girlfriend, and he's on his way to getting a new car (the other was t-boned and couldnt be repaired due to frame damage). I told him that Nessa (Cus he knew her in art) is in Pennsylvania for about 2 weeks, and she's doing fine. I hope to spend time with the both of them within the next two weeks.
Did I tell you I got the job? Yes, im now a courtesy clerk at the Fry's food and drug store on Lichfield and Van Buren ^_^. Its part time, and im getting paid 5.35 an hour. Lookit me--Im a little worker ^_^! Im happy about it, but the employees there are scary. Im just going to be myself (which isnt that bad, right?), im going to mind my own business, and if they have a problem with that, thats on them. Wow...my first job...now all I have to do is get my liscence. But I am still a bit uncertain on how to go about driving. Im all paranoid cus my dads the side-seat driver who wants things done perfect. Hopefully I wont be afraid of it for much longer.
I havent been able to get any artistic verve at all lately. Its all been an artists block >_<. I have though--been able to vent my negative emotions into dark art though, if you consider that a success. I feel better after I draw them, but i am shocked about what I draw. I dont even think about it, I just feel everything pumping through my pen, and i dont see it until im done.
...Demons, perhaps.
Good news! I beat Prince of Peria 2 Last night! Yay! It was a really nice game. I love the feel of it, but I dont like the replay value though. I also beat my Castlevania, Lament Of Innocence game too.
I couldnt seem to beat the last boss--Death, at all. If I we're to rank unbeatable bosses, Id have to say that Death woukld take second place (The first being the gorgeous, delisciously evil Sephiroth from Kingdom Hearts). It was crazy as hell, and I was sooo pissed off, but I finally beat his sorry ass. Now im playing as the unlockable character Joachim.
Im planning to draw a picture of the Sand Wraith from PoPs2, He's fooking awesome. Perhaps, even Sephiroth. Okay, and maybe Vincent as well.
o.o
But tommorrow is another year, I suppose. Things will not be the same this time around--I will not be the same next time around. I honestly dont know how to feel right now, the storm has settled, but I dont know what to do with the aftermath. My friends Aida, Vanessa, I thank them for withstanding myself that i cant seem to hold togather, to be by my side when things buckle, simmer and snap under too much pressure. I love them, they are what I value the most. I dont know what to do, I had held onto something for so long, now I find myself with nothing, it seems. I have dreams, but they seem hopeless...There is all too much to complain about upon this subject.Id rather not think about it.
Yesterday was nice. I got to spend time with my high school friend Amanda. She's really cool, and I missed her dearly. It was fun, she showed me her Evanescence DVD (what we call "The Amy Lee DVD" called 'anywhere but home.' We love her to death, she is a great inspiration to the both of us. Amy has such a shining talent, and her aura is awesome as well. She's a big goofball-lol. Id love to meet her some day, and marry her-lol. Im just joking...--not. Amanda also got a really REALLY nice electric guitar. Its an Epiphone SG, its all black and its sound is very clear. She named it Prescious ^_^. Then me and her huddled around the computer and I drew her a picture of Amy Lee. I was satisfied with the way it came out. I thought I was doing good until I looked at the picture, but oh well-lol. Her mom is awesome, she's such a nice, warm person. She bought the two of us pizza, and I thought it was completely awesome of her. I honestly had so much fun i didnt want to leave. Living where I do makes you realize how nice friendship is, espescially when I rarely get to see them. But...I had to come home, and that was the worst part of yesterday. Its the same as it always is--cursed. I come home to its hollow, negativity-inducing walls and I am cvompletely depressed. I even tried to put some pictures up to hide the walls, but i still know theyre there...the prision I cant be rid of. I hope this job thing goes well, so that Ill be happy and never have to see my room. I honestly dont think I can bear another day inside my room.
I also called Aida and my friend from the high school art room, Anthony. Aida's good, shes just been really busy. She came into town with no money, and his been working overtime ever since. Anthony I havent talked to in forever, since August. I called him to see how he was (and for my Army Of Darkness DVD, but dont tell him I said that). He said he's been horrible, and he owes places lots of money. The good news is that he's found a beautiful girlfriend, and he's on his way to getting a new car (the other was t-boned and couldnt be repaired due to frame damage). I told him that Nessa (Cus he knew her in art) is in Pennsylvania for about 2 weeks, and she's doing fine. I hope to spend time with the both of them within the next two weeks.
Did I tell you I got the job? Yes, im now a courtesy clerk at the Fry's food and drug store on Lichfield and Van Buren ^_^. Its part time, and im getting paid 5.35 an hour. Lookit me--Im a little worker ^_^! Im happy about it, but the employees there are scary. Im just going to be myself (which isnt that bad, right?), im going to mind my own business, and if they have a problem with that, thats on them. Wow...my first job...now all I have to do is get my liscence. But I am still a bit uncertain on how to go about driving. Im all paranoid cus my dads the side-seat driver who wants things done perfect. Hopefully I wont be afraid of it for much longer.
I havent been able to get any artistic verve at all lately. Its all been an artists block >_<. I have though--been able to vent my negative emotions into dark art though, if you consider that a success. I feel better after I draw them, but i am shocked about what I draw. I dont even think about it, I just feel everything pumping through my pen, and i dont see it until im done.
...Demons, perhaps.
Good news! I beat Prince of Peria 2 Last night! Yay! It was a really nice game. I love the feel of it, but I dont like the replay value though. I also beat my Castlevania, Lament Of Innocence game too.
I couldnt seem to beat the last boss--Death, at all. If I we're to rank unbeatable bosses, Id have to say that Death woukld take second place (The first being the gorgeous, delisciously evil Sephiroth from Kingdom Hearts). It was crazy as hell, and I was sooo pissed off, but I finally beat his sorry ass. Now im playing as the unlockable character Joachim.
Im planning to draw a picture of the Sand Wraith from PoPs2, He's fooking awesome. Perhaps, even Sephiroth. Okay, and maybe Vincent as well.
o.o