On the other hand
Perhaps it's not that I'm talking more but that the air is filled with the ever expanding ripples caused by so many hurtful collisions.
My deep desire not to hurt often holds me back. This is sometimes good but arguably more often bad as it relates to my mental health...and then again, when I stretch and hurt accidentally/on the way I find myself unable to connect with the joy of the days I've crafted so care/less/fully.
I know what I want and it will hurt you. I'm sorry.
And then of course there's the second guessing, the knowledge that I curl into negatives as I fall instead of reaching for the rope/comfort. The conscious effort to correct/conform/change the way I feel/react which feels so wrong but sounds so logical given an outside perspective with one quarter of the data wears me thin.
I'm not sorry for what I've said or will say or do, but sorry for your pain if it happens to hit you.
It'd be much easier, sometimes, if people didn't stay in my heart for so damn long, but of course they do.
Did you know, did you? That I have things to say yet? I'm not sure that I did. The CBC radio orchestra has pretty much been disbanded. Radio 2 is turning into easy listening station...21st century classical music for the most part is an artistic joke as far as popularity goes...
I think that there really is time left for symphonic style orchestras...but they're playing the wrong music! Not that I don't love much of the standard repertoire, but GODSDAMNIT we need to hear something different! And I'm not talking crazy musical ideas joined together for the amusement of academics who are excited by symmetry or tone rows, I'm talking real, thought out, beautiful and meaningful music.
and no, I DO NOT mean programmatic music*.
This has gone far enough. We need to stop being instrumentalists and vocalists and conductors and start being fucking musicians again.
My theory is a bit weak, I'll admit that, but I'll be damned if I don't start trying to write something.
I conduct like a drunken duck, but if it comes up....
Death to Apathy. Death to Settling for the familiar.
Feed the Fire...it's still there, no matter how many years of moss might have grown over it!
*not that I've got anything in particular against it, really, but I think you know what I mean?
My deep desire not to hurt often holds me back. This is sometimes good but arguably more often bad as it relates to my mental health...and then again, when I stretch and hurt accidentally/on the way I find myself unable to connect with the joy of the days I've crafted so care/less/fully.
I know what I want and it will hurt you. I'm sorry.
And then of course there's the second guessing, the knowledge that I curl into negatives as I fall instead of reaching for the rope/comfort. The conscious effort to correct/conform/change the way I feel/react which feels so wrong but sounds so logical given an outside perspective with one quarter of the data wears me thin.
I'm not sorry for what I've said or will say or do, but sorry for your pain if it happens to hit you.
It'd be much easier, sometimes, if people didn't stay in my heart for so damn long, but of course they do.
Did you know, did you? That I have things to say yet? I'm not sure that I did. The CBC radio orchestra has pretty much been disbanded. Radio 2 is turning into easy listening station...21st century classical music for the most part is an artistic joke as far as popularity goes...
I think that there really is time left for symphonic style orchestras...but they're playing the wrong music! Not that I don't love much of the standard repertoire, but GODSDAMNIT we need to hear something different! And I'm not talking crazy musical ideas joined together for the amusement of academics who are excited by symmetry or tone rows, I'm talking real, thought out, beautiful and meaningful music.
and no, I DO NOT mean programmatic music*.
This has gone far enough. We need to stop being instrumentalists and vocalists and conductors and start being fucking musicians again.
My theory is a bit weak, I'll admit that, but I'll be damned if I don't start trying to write something.
I conduct like a drunken duck, but if it comes up....
Death to Apathy. Death to Settling for the familiar.
Feed the Fire...it's still there, no matter how many years of moss might have grown over it!
*not that I've got anything in particular against it, really, but I think you know what I mean?