warum
I've grown comfortable, and I think this confuses me. I've also grown a lot more dependant, when I'm alone, I get nothing done. It feels like I always have to be occupied, and there always has to be people. I no longer know what it's like to think on my own. I drive myself crazy. Decision making is still my weak point and so is math. I can't count for shit. I miss the rain, but welcome sunshine. My writing is shit and my reading habits are no longer obsessive. In fact, they're non-existent. My friends are boys and boys are no longer !!boys!!, they are just humans. As immature as boys may remain, girls never seem to change. They still go through the same judgements and analyzings and the rare one or two are blessings. I think we're too insecure to get along. I miss running and i miss swimming. I miss falling over in fits of fatigue. I miss crying even more. I never get angry anymore, even when I try. I drink too much and when I'm not, I want to. What bothers me the most about all this is that all my bad habits no longer bother me to the point where I want to change. I don't get carried away in anything anymore. Not writing, reading, boys, drama, exercise, not even day-dreaming: nichts. Occasionally, when I am alone and awake, I put on some music and let it play my insanity to rest. It's a dizzying effect.