It happened again....
So I accidentally got pregnant. I was supposed to start on May 17th. On June 4th I decided I better take a pregnancy test just in case. Sure enough, I was pregnant. In the last 3 weeks I've taken 6 pregnancy tests just to be sure.
It was a bit of mixed emotions. Of course I'm happy to be pregnant, but it was a little earlier than I was hoping. About 6 months earlier than I was hoping. Plus, I didn't feel pregnant. I had absolutely no symptoms except being tired. It was quite the opposite of my Luke pregnancy. As a matter of fact, it was very much like my first one. And so, even though I was scared to have a second baby so soon, I was even more scared to have a miscarriage. An experience I remember to be the worst experience of my life.
So, of course, I had a miscarriage this morning. I guess the only upside is that I can drink at my cousins wedding tonight.
The downsides? I feel like I killed a second baby. I want to know what's wrong with me. I want to know if Luke is going to be my only baby. I want to know if I'm capable of getting pregnant and carrying a baby on my own or will I have to take fertility drugs again. Is that the only way? Is it normal that I've had two miscarriages?
I mean, I realize people have miscarriages all the time. But do people have multiple miscarriages? Or only people who have problems?
I'm glad I found out before the ultrasound this time. Nothing like realizing there is no heart beat. So uncomfortable with the ultrasound tech in the room.
I'm starting to realize that pregnancy will always be a terrifying experience for me.
Oh well, right? What can you do? God's plan. I guess.
I just want to know, how come? What's the life lesson here? Don't have another baby? Is that what I'm suppose to learn?
Anyway. I don't really want to talk about it. I just thought I'd put it out there. Now I'd like to pretend it never happened and move on.
At least I have Luke.
It was a bit of mixed emotions. Of course I'm happy to be pregnant, but it was a little earlier than I was hoping. About 6 months earlier than I was hoping. Plus, I didn't feel pregnant. I had absolutely no symptoms except being tired. It was quite the opposite of my Luke pregnancy. As a matter of fact, it was very much like my first one. And so, even though I was scared to have a second baby so soon, I was even more scared to have a miscarriage. An experience I remember to be the worst experience of my life.
So, of course, I had a miscarriage this morning. I guess the only upside is that I can drink at my cousins wedding tonight.
The downsides? I feel like I killed a second baby. I want to know what's wrong with me. I want to know if Luke is going to be my only baby. I want to know if I'm capable of getting pregnant and carrying a baby on my own or will I have to take fertility drugs again. Is that the only way? Is it normal that I've had two miscarriages?
I mean, I realize people have miscarriages all the time. But do people have multiple miscarriages? Or only people who have problems?
I'm glad I found out before the ultrasound this time. Nothing like realizing there is no heart beat. So uncomfortable with the ultrasound tech in the room.
I'm starting to realize that pregnancy will always be a terrifying experience for me.
Oh well, right? What can you do? God's plan. I guess.
I just want to know, how come? What's the life lesson here? Don't have another baby? Is that what I'm suppose to learn?
Anyway. I don't really want to talk about it. I just thought I'd put it out there. Now I'd like to pretend it never happened and move on.
At least I have Luke.