in a funk so I'm venting
:S so I just couldnt sleep right now (despite the fact that i've got to be up at 430am [4hand40mins from now-ish].
Every once in a while i get into this really downward funk thinking that i should have done more by now (Im 21). I just get to feeling like more twenty-one year olds have done more by now. And I just now realized my problem: I fool myself into believing that I'm happy here just because it's comfortable.
Truth is, I want to be living in California, Florida or New York...all places that once I bring up that that's where I wanna be, someone is quick to point out what crappy choices I make. I'm great at telling them and myself "Well good thing we're not talking about YOU moving there" but I guess I do let them get to me and stop me.
One of my friends that I've known since the early high school years also wants to move to Cali (him to San Diego specifically. Me? I'd like that too but I'm more into L.A. or Anaheim). The plan originally was going to be that he was going to graduate (because I honestly feel that though I think college is a great thing, and I LOVE all the stuff you can study, it wont get me to where I want to be [I can't focus enough in classes sitting down, I need to be constantly moving, doing!]) we were gonna just GO. Now he's having financial issues that may hold him up longer.
I honestly don't want to wait but I've come to realize (re: Admit) that I'm scared. Those places I want to go are such extremes compared to the places I've lived/grown up, I guess that's kind of the appeal. I'm not afraid of the PLACES so much as the fact that I wont have someone having my back there because I don't know anyone in those areas:S That's what's keeping me stuck. I'm too scared to just cut the ties to the people I know, and KNOWING I have a support system and just GO.
I need to start psyching myself up, because I have a feeling I'm going to end up resenting myself if I don't make at least ONE of those big moves.
Every once in a while i get into this really downward funk thinking that i should have done more by now (Im 21). I just get to feeling like more twenty-one year olds have done more by now. And I just now realized my problem: I fool myself into believing that I'm happy here just because it's comfortable.
Truth is, I want to be living in California, Florida or New York...all places that once I bring up that that's where I wanna be, someone is quick to point out what crappy choices I make. I'm great at telling them and myself "Well good thing we're not talking about YOU moving there" but I guess I do let them get to me and stop me.
One of my friends that I've known since the early high school years also wants to move to Cali (him to San Diego specifically. Me? I'd like that too but I'm more into L.A. or Anaheim). The plan originally was going to be that he was going to graduate (because I honestly feel that though I think college is a great thing, and I LOVE all the stuff you can study, it wont get me to where I want to be [I can't focus enough in classes sitting down, I need to be constantly moving, doing!]) we were gonna just GO. Now he's having financial issues that may hold him up longer.
I honestly don't want to wait but I've come to realize (re: Admit) that I'm scared. Those places I want to go are such extremes compared to the places I've lived/grown up, I guess that's kind of the appeal. I'm not afraid of the PLACES so much as the fact that I wont have someone having my back there because I don't know anyone in those areas:S That's what's keeping me stuck. I'm too scared to just cut the ties to the people I know, and KNOWING I have a support system and just GO.
I need to start psyching myself up, because I have a feeling I'm going to end up resenting myself if I don't make at least ONE of those big moves.