Overdue Update...
Well I have been absent from livejournal for a while. Everytime I go to write an entry at night, I can think of like 2 things I wanna say...and then I'm like "Well thats boring no one will want to read them." But who cares, cuz I don't really write in here for people to read I guess, just to talk about shit. And tonight...I think I have more than 2 things to say.
Well this year started off ok I guess. It was so hard this first week, all I wanted to do was go back to summer. School this year sucks, a ton. It seems like I never get to talk to my friends at school, and just something about this year isn't fun, it's just boring. Like school is the same everyday...wake up, go to classes, be tired the whole day, then leave. I dunno whatever I hope it gets better. Ok so swimming sucks, I've said I don't know why I do it, tonight for some reason I got really frustrated. It like discourages you when people who like haven't even done something in their life do it and they're better than you. I wish I was like phenomonel(sp?) at something like my friends. Like even just one tihng. I wouldn't even care if it was like a weird thing like baton twirling...Just sometihng. But oh well I guess, guess I'll have to get over that. I have for the last 16 years nothing new. Hmm what else. The only good part about this year are the weekends and being with the girls. I've had so much fun the last couple weekends minus some minor glitches from people who are gay, but you get over that. But I guess no matter what you do in life people are gonna talk shit, I tihnk i've gotten past that. Does saying stuff about someone really make you feel better about yourself? Well if it does, then you deserve a gold star. No joke. Cuz I see no point in it, but whatever. So I've also realized that things have changed SO much from before the summer and even into the summer. Not so much things but people too. Like a lot, the way I thought some people were, well my judgements quite wrong in a lotta cases. But everyone changes, so thats expected. I can already tell how different this years gonna be in so many ways. Some good, some bad, some different. I don't know, as much as I complained about how last year sucked etc...I miss it. Ok so this is gonna get confusing........So you know when you tell someone sometihng and say "Ok but don't tell this person I told" and then they end up telling someone else and it somehow gets back. Why do that to begin with...like if you have something to say to someone do it..you know, cuz in the end its like a whole big circle that makes everyone mad when the beginning thing...wasnt even a big deal....Yea you know what i mean.
Sometimes I think I get the wrong message from people and vice versa. Like I sometimes think I send out the wrong message. Although there is a difference between just being nice, being fake, being interested, being sincere. I don't know...I guess sometimes you just gotta take the time to look. And sometimes what you want people to think/feel about something....thats not really the case. I don't know, wow hello not making any sense at all. So you know when someone says something like really mean to you...and then at the end, even though they were serious they go..."Oh I was just kidding" when they see you were offended? Yeah, not buying that. That just makes it worse. When you listen to someone for like fifteen minutes say stuff that they truthfully think about you that you've never heard before, and then say they're kidding. Sorry you already dug yourself a fucking hole, you weren't kidding. Although sometimes, it takes times like that you look yourself in the mirror and realize things. I admit I'm a hypocrit, on a lotta levels. But I guess sometimes it takes someone actually calling me out on it to realize it. To realize....I shouldn't think so much about something and get mad about something...when I myself do it. You know? Again...sense = 0. And then after you realize something like that...what do you do? Come clean, be honest. But I mean...in the end what is that gonna do...just make everyone mad for lieing in the first place. Ok yea, I sound bad saying I lie a lot. But I'm not gonna lie right now, when I admit I do. A lot. But, some circumstances I don't know whats better.....because even though being truthful is good...in the end it can hurt more. I don't know, just pondering that. Sorry this really is senseless. Back to more studying perhaps.
Night
xoxoAlex
Well this year started off ok I guess. It was so hard this first week, all I wanted to do was go back to summer. School this year sucks, a ton. It seems like I never get to talk to my friends at school, and just something about this year isn't fun, it's just boring. Like school is the same everyday...wake up, go to classes, be tired the whole day, then leave. I dunno whatever I hope it gets better. Ok so swimming sucks, I've said I don't know why I do it, tonight for some reason I got really frustrated. It like discourages you when people who like haven't even done something in their life do it and they're better than you. I wish I was like phenomonel(sp?) at something like my friends. Like even just one tihng. I wouldn't even care if it was like a weird thing like baton twirling...Just sometihng. But oh well I guess, guess I'll have to get over that. I have for the last 16 years nothing new. Hmm what else. The only good part about this year are the weekends and being with the girls. I've had so much fun the last couple weekends minus some minor glitches from people who are gay, but you get over that. But I guess no matter what you do in life people are gonna talk shit, I tihnk i've gotten past that. Does saying stuff about someone really make you feel better about yourself? Well if it does, then you deserve a gold star. No joke. Cuz I see no point in it, but whatever. So I've also realized that things have changed SO much from before the summer and even into the summer. Not so much things but people too. Like a lot, the way I thought some people were, well my judgements quite wrong in a lotta cases. But everyone changes, so thats expected. I can already tell how different this years gonna be in so many ways. Some good, some bad, some different. I don't know, as much as I complained about how last year sucked etc...I miss it. Ok so this is gonna get confusing........So you know when you tell someone sometihng and say "Ok but don't tell this person I told" and then they end up telling someone else and it somehow gets back. Why do that to begin with...like if you have something to say to someone do it..you know, cuz in the end its like a whole big circle that makes everyone mad when the beginning thing...wasnt even a big deal....Yea you know what i mean.
Sometimes I think I get the wrong message from people and vice versa. Like I sometimes think I send out the wrong message. Although there is a difference between just being nice, being fake, being interested, being sincere. I don't know...I guess sometimes you just gotta take the time to look. And sometimes what you want people to think/feel about something....thats not really the case. I don't know, wow hello not making any sense at all. So you know when someone says something like really mean to you...and then at the end, even though they were serious they go..."Oh I was just kidding" when they see you were offended? Yeah, not buying that. That just makes it worse. When you listen to someone for like fifteen minutes say stuff that they truthfully think about you that you've never heard before, and then say they're kidding. Sorry you already dug yourself a fucking hole, you weren't kidding. Although sometimes, it takes times like that you look yourself in the mirror and realize things. I admit I'm a hypocrit, on a lotta levels. But I guess sometimes it takes someone actually calling me out on it to realize it. To realize....I shouldn't think so much about something and get mad about something...when I myself do it. You know? Again...sense = 0. And then after you realize something like that...what do you do? Come clean, be honest. But I mean...in the end what is that gonna do...just make everyone mad for lieing in the first place. Ok yea, I sound bad saying I lie a lot. But I'm not gonna lie right now, when I admit I do. A lot. But, some circumstances I don't know whats better.....because even though being truthful is good...in the end it can hurt more. I don't know, just pondering that. Sorry this really is senseless. Back to more studying perhaps.
Night
xoxoAlex