(no subject)
dear the other me,
today, i learned that i'm not the brilliant, self-sacrificing person that i usually hide behind. unfortunately, i am not you. i understand that i have my problems and i often take them out on other people simply for the attention, but i know what i want, and at least i'm not clueless like you. you may be kind on the outside, but your heart is not a welcome place to be. it is closed and insecure and no one can live within the claustrophobic walls where you hang the pictures of yourself, holding a picture of yourself, holding a picture of yourself. do not lose your dignity, do not break. i will be here to claim that from you. if ever you feel about to fall, let me take over, because i can find where you belong. you belong here, where i dwell, inside the mind, the folds of cerebellum you often cease to use. no one finds solace in your pedantic touch and no one wants to hear your tales of misfortune. let it die. let yourself go, and succumb to the change that i am trying to bring. if you could leave, i could finally change. if you would remove yourself, i would finally be able to expose myself to the world for what it is you've decided to take away from me. i hate you, and i love you as my own. please understand, that nothing you may do; lie, cheat, steal, evolve; will ever end my care and trust for you. i know you will not lie to me, but it is time i stepped in to reestablish the balance that you have destroyed. i have finally decided that the only way for me to move on, is for you to move out. this is not an easy decision to come to, yet you also have little choice in the matter. i will see you often, but you will be suppressed as you have done to me. hopefully, i will see you with new eyes, because i no longer envy you, my pathetic child of want. you have let yourself fall too many times to keep my respect high. always, certainly, there will be love. i make it a point to restate this for this letter may sound disparaging and i do not want to bring you down. simply, out. find a new home, a new head to grind, a new heart to scour, a new body to steal. we can both be happy this way. and we can live together, apart. flow from me into the lives of the weak, for this one is no longer waiting at your feet. please leave now, before i am forced to resort to violence. no one wants to see us both go. somehow, together, we can escape the millions of rolling eyes that still cling to us, and i can remove your insistent horns and take the smoke from your breath. there is no medical term for a heart that's been removed as such, but it is time for you to let yourself slip behind the clouds where i may not let you in again. perhaps i will continue to fall after your weight has been relinquished, and i will sit in the airports waiting to be taken back to those clouds you inhabit. i might crash my plane again, into the stupid sentiments i used to write and the shaking margins of anger i used to let slip through the pages. i have decided, that despite the last dreams of love and those passed from this world, that we should ultimately leave that which keeps us crying. if only for the sentiment it will bring upon seeing it again. i don't need you any closer. open your clouds and let it out, because right now, the atlantic is what will keep us apart. i need an ocean, and i need you to be inaccessible. i need to never be able to find you again until i'm ready. don't fret, for that occasion will be beautiful, and i will fully be able to appreciate what you have had to offer me, and together we may coexist as one mind stitched from two separate organs. surgery never happened without a little pain, and a little anaesthesia. give in, and succumb, count backwards from one hundred, and hold on dear, because it's about to start.
love, alex.
today, i learned that i'm not the brilliant, self-sacrificing person that i usually hide behind. unfortunately, i am not you. i understand that i have my problems and i often take them out on other people simply for the attention, but i know what i want, and at least i'm not clueless like you. you may be kind on the outside, but your heart is not a welcome place to be. it is closed and insecure and no one can live within the claustrophobic walls where you hang the pictures of yourself, holding a picture of yourself, holding a picture of yourself. do not lose your dignity, do not break. i will be here to claim that from you. if ever you feel about to fall, let me take over, because i can find where you belong. you belong here, where i dwell, inside the mind, the folds of cerebellum you often cease to use. no one finds solace in your pedantic touch and no one wants to hear your tales of misfortune. let it die. let yourself go, and succumb to the change that i am trying to bring. if you could leave, i could finally change. if you would remove yourself, i would finally be able to expose myself to the world for what it is you've decided to take away from me. i hate you, and i love you as my own. please understand, that nothing you may do; lie, cheat, steal, evolve; will ever end my care and trust for you. i know you will not lie to me, but it is time i stepped in to reestablish the balance that you have destroyed. i have finally decided that the only way for me to move on, is for you to move out. this is not an easy decision to come to, yet you also have little choice in the matter. i will see you often, but you will be suppressed as you have done to me. hopefully, i will see you with new eyes, because i no longer envy you, my pathetic child of want. you have let yourself fall too many times to keep my respect high. always, certainly, there will be love. i make it a point to restate this for this letter may sound disparaging and i do not want to bring you down. simply, out. find a new home, a new head to grind, a new heart to scour, a new body to steal. we can both be happy this way. and we can live together, apart. flow from me into the lives of the weak, for this one is no longer waiting at your feet. please leave now, before i am forced to resort to violence. no one wants to see us both go. somehow, together, we can escape the millions of rolling eyes that still cling to us, and i can remove your insistent horns and take the smoke from your breath. there is no medical term for a heart that's been removed as such, but it is time for you to let yourself slip behind the clouds where i may not let you in again. perhaps i will continue to fall after your weight has been relinquished, and i will sit in the airports waiting to be taken back to those clouds you inhabit. i might crash my plane again, into the stupid sentiments i used to write and the shaking margins of anger i used to let slip through the pages. i have decided, that despite the last dreams of love and those passed from this world, that we should ultimately leave that which keeps us crying. if only for the sentiment it will bring upon seeing it again. i don't need you any closer. open your clouds and let it out, because right now, the atlantic is what will keep us apart. i need an ocean, and i need you to be inaccessible. i need to never be able to find you again until i'm ready. don't fret, for that occasion will be beautiful, and i will fully be able to appreciate what you have had to offer me, and together we may coexist as one mind stitched from two separate organs. surgery never happened without a little pain, and a little anaesthesia. give in, and succumb, count backwards from one hundred, and hold on dear, because it's about to start.
love, alex.