Good old days.
I'm updating for once. It happens, no alarm, just chill. I would make an ungodly large update, but a lot of things that have happened in the past just don't matter quite so much, and there are others I'd rather not reflect on *right now*, and typing them up would force me to do that. What I will type up isn't going to be organized, like always, I'll just throw it out when it comes to mind. Still no job, though I've really tried to snag one lately. Since I haven't had any calls about my first fairly large set of applications, I have very little hope of getting a job any time soon. Doesn't sit well with me, but I can deal. Things have been.. pretty rocky at times, smooth at others, and every now and then I catch a moment or two of bliss.. or at least, it's bliss as far as I can tell, there's probably something better out there, but I'm good. I'll repeat that, because it bears repeating: I'm good. Things got *real* bad for a while, some nights I couldn't even fall asleep without having the TV on, because my mind would wander without something to keep it even slightly amused, and that would lead to me feeling depressed. My life does still suck a bit, but I've got friends and good times to help ease the pain. I'm working on the whole 'life sucks' bit, trying to at least get myself a job.
Speaking of those friends, I'm going to throw a *big* 'thank you!' to Jaime. I really appreciate his efforts to get me through this one way or another, and for taking me along to a get together or two of his. Been good seeing new people, and just chilling with one of my best friends. You've been a huge help, Jaime, and I don't think I could convey just how much I appreciate it here on a LJ post. You're a real friend, guy.
Likewise, I'd like to thank Casey in a hardcore fashion.. though he doesn't even know my LJ exists. Just an all around cool guy who has a much deeper side to him if you look for it, he's probably the most loyal person I know, and I'm extremely grateful for it. In them, and last night at J&M's, and especially at A-Kon I found a feeling reminiscent of some of the best days of my life, and all the holes that had been punched in me, and my heart, were gone. Just the way things physically *looked* was much better,a long with just about everything else.
I can't exclude Nicole in my thanks, not by a longshot. You've been a huge help in the healing process, believe it or not, and I'm not sure I've ever thanked you enough for how you've treated me over the many years I've known you. The time I spent at A-Kon with you was amazing, and I won't forget it.
While I do have others to show my appreciation to, I want to stress those I've thanked up to this point.
Thank you J&M, you've been constant friends to me for as long as I can remember, and lately you've helped me take a look at things in angles I'd not have noticed without you. Thanks for keeping me on my feet.
Thank you Amy, for still trying to be my friend after all that's happened. I really appreciate it. The days we shared together really do mean a lot to me, I won't forget them, and I still cherish them, and all the things that remind me of them. If you don't believe me, as I'm sure you've doubts about so many things I say, it doesn't matter anymore, I don't need for you to believe it. I'm tired of wondering if you'll really listen to something I say.
That said, I'm tired of the drama, too. Fed up with it, and I *want* no more. Notice that I'm stressing the word 'want'. I'll have to go through a little more, at least, of course. But if I'm not as into anybody's lives, or if I'm none too enthused about pursuing someone else's problems, that's why. Granted, if someone were to really express a compassion for the way things are going in my life, I'mm gladly reciprocate, but I'm not going to be as altruistic as I used to be. I'm totally fucking tired of being altruistic (as much as I used to be, anyway) and not even getting recognized, or properly thanked for it, and especially when I don't even get a slight amount of reciprocation from it.
Fuck you, drama, I'll see you in hell.
A-Kon was fantastic, even though we only went one day, really. We didn't even have a room, and we couldn't have been organized to save our lives.. but I had a *ton* of fun. Nicole was a total sweetheart, and fantastic in other respects, as well as great company! XD For everyone else's sake, I'll not go into details here, sorry Nic. Casey was awesome, and my brother was being a bit of a dick nearly the whole con. Saturday was the first time in my whole life that I had a song stuck in my head for the *whole* day. From the moment I woke until the moment I fell asleep. It was a very popular song Maroon 5 performed, though I can't remember the name of it. "This love has taken it's toll on me.." that's part of the song.. and I'm sure that some people will catch on to what it is just from that. Not sure I can stress how unbelievable the con was, but I have Nic and Case to thank for it, I know that.
I think I've gone on long enough for one entry.. so I'll end it here. If there are a few important events I didn't go over.. oh well. At the moment, I feel fantastic! Oh, and The Pillows kick my ass XD
Speaking of those friends, I'm going to throw a *big* 'thank you!' to Jaime. I really appreciate his efforts to get me through this one way or another, and for taking me along to a get together or two of his. Been good seeing new people, and just chilling with one of my best friends. You've been a huge help, Jaime, and I don't think I could convey just how much I appreciate it here on a LJ post. You're a real friend, guy.
Likewise, I'd like to thank Casey in a hardcore fashion.. though he doesn't even know my LJ exists. Just an all around cool guy who has a much deeper side to him if you look for it, he's probably the most loyal person I know, and I'm extremely grateful for it. In them, and last night at J&M's, and especially at A-Kon I found a feeling reminiscent of some of the best days of my life, and all the holes that had been punched in me, and my heart, were gone. Just the way things physically *looked* was much better,a long with just about everything else.
I can't exclude Nicole in my thanks, not by a longshot. You've been a huge help in the healing process, believe it or not, and I'm not sure I've ever thanked you enough for how you've treated me over the many years I've known you. The time I spent at A-Kon with you was amazing, and I won't forget it.
While I do have others to show my appreciation to, I want to stress those I've thanked up to this point.
Thank you J&M, you've been constant friends to me for as long as I can remember, and lately you've helped me take a look at things in angles I'd not have noticed without you. Thanks for keeping me on my feet.
Thank you Amy, for still trying to be my friend after all that's happened. I really appreciate it. The days we shared together really do mean a lot to me, I won't forget them, and I still cherish them, and all the things that remind me of them. If you don't believe me, as I'm sure you've doubts about so many things I say, it doesn't matter anymore, I don't need for you to believe it. I'm tired of wondering if you'll really listen to something I say.
That said, I'm tired of the drama, too. Fed up with it, and I *want* no more. Notice that I'm stressing the word 'want'. I'll have to go through a little more, at least, of course. But if I'm not as into anybody's lives, or if I'm none too enthused about pursuing someone else's problems, that's why. Granted, if someone were to really express a compassion for the way things are going in my life, I'mm gladly reciprocate, but I'm not going to be as altruistic as I used to be. I'm totally fucking tired of being altruistic (as much as I used to be, anyway) and not even getting recognized, or properly thanked for it, and especially when I don't even get a slight amount of reciprocation from it.
Fuck you, drama, I'll see you in hell.
A-Kon was fantastic, even though we only went one day, really. We didn't even have a room, and we couldn't have been organized to save our lives.. but I had a *ton* of fun. Nicole was a total sweetheart, and fantastic in other respects, as well as great company! XD For everyone else's sake, I'll not go into details here, sorry Nic. Casey was awesome, and my brother was being a bit of a dick nearly the whole con. Saturday was the first time in my whole life that I had a song stuck in my head for the *whole* day. From the moment I woke until the moment I fell asleep. It was a very popular song Maroon 5 performed, though I can't remember the name of it. "This love has taken it's toll on me.." that's part of the song.. and I'm sure that some people will catch on to what it is just from that. Not sure I can stress how unbelievable the con was, but I have Nic and Case to thank for it, I know that.
I think I've gone on long enough for one entry.. so I'll end it here. If there are a few important events I didn't go over.. oh well. At the moment, I feel fantastic! Oh, and The Pillows kick my ass XD