fic: falling in you (SNSD, Taeyeon/Jessica, 1/1)
Title: Falling in you
Rating: G
Pairing: taeyeon/jessica (taengsic? what? again?!)
Notes: Angsty? I'm angsty right now. Song - Falling U by T-ara
Summary: She thought that they were perfect, but it all crashed down. She tried to get over her, but she realized she fell into her.
falling in you
Her finger lightly traced random patterns in the sand before her. The aimless patterns that appeared seemed to mirror her internal turmoil. All of the patterns surrounded her, but they were connected and never truly ended at any point. Her eyes followed the direction of her finger until she stopped and stared at the dark waves that crashed onto the shore of the beach. Tears ran down her face as everything reminded her of everything she was experiencing or had experienced.
"What?" the plate in her hand fell straight to the floor and shattered into several pieces. Her jaw had dropped along with the plate and tears were burning her eyes as they threatened to fall. She tried to believe that she heard wrong, but the look on the person in front of her said otherwise.
"I'm sorry, Jessica." The words seemed to fall on deaf ears as she remained unmoved and rooted to her spot. Her entire body froze as the tension in the atmosphere grew thicker with every passing second. She saw the girl in front of her turn to leave and immediately threw herself at the girl. Her arms quickly wrapped around the girl's waist and she tried her best not to fully break down.
"Taeyeon, what's going on? I thought we were fine," she calmly questioned. Her voice cracked near the end, but she tried to remain as steadfast as possible even though she could feel her heart breaking with every breath she took. She closed her eyes and hoped that everything that was happening was only a dream.
"Only you thought that, Jessica." The words struck her hard. She slowly opened her eyes and a few tears fell from her eyes, down her face. The girl in her arms pulled away and a deep frown was set on her face. "You were the only one who ever thought that we were fine. In your eyes, we might have been the perfect couple, but in mine we were far from it. Sure we didn't fight or argue that much, but did it ever occur to you that maybe something was wrong? Didn't you ever notice how we'd always give in to one another? Didn't you notice that we'd never talk about anything important that could change our lives? We always agreed with one another and honestly I want something more than that. I'm not saying that we have to have this huge fight or argue 24/7, but don't you think that it'd be fair that we'd at least talk about certain things or when we have problems? When you have a problem, you never talk to me, you end up walking away. When I have a problem, I try to talk to you, but it's like you're not interested. I love you, Jessica, but I'm not loving the way this relationship is going."
She stared at the older girl in front of her and the tears finally flooded down her face. Everything she said was true and she tried to ignore the fact that maybe something was wrong beneath the surface. All she wanted was a perfect life, but she knew she was lying to herself the moment she tried all of her insecurities. She brushed away all the tears from her face and tried to say something, but nothing would come out. "Taeyeon-ah..." she painfully whimpered. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I did, Jessica, but you pretended that nothing was wrong."
"I... I'm-"
"I'm moving out tomorrow morning. I know it's sudden, but I need space." Her heart stopped at the words. She took a step towards Taeyeon, but the other girl took a step back away from her. "I think you need time to figure out what you really need, Jessica. I can't be in a relationship like this. It isn't me."
"Taeyeon, wait, please don't leave," she choked out, but the other girl turned around and shook her head. She was fighting a losing battle.
"You left me the moment you chose to pretend that I didn't exist."
"W-What?" the question barely left her lips as Taeyeon's words hit her like ice water.
"I would always give in to what you wanted. I would always take care of you like a blanket in the cold. I would help you like everyone else would. Then, you would ignore all the problems we had. You ignored the problems I had. Who am I to you, Jessica? Honestly, I look like I'm just another friend who happens to live with you and share the same bed with you. Were you ever in love with me, Sooyeon?"
"You were my everything, Taengoo," she whispered out to the cold wind. The light breeze taking her voice across the expanse of the beach. She bowed her head and started to pound her hands against the sand around her. The pain was excruciating and she wanted to forget. It had been months since Taeyeon had left her and no matter what she did she realized that the other girl would probably not come back.
"I was scared! I was scared of losing you! You were everything I hoped for, what I wanted, and what I needed! I didn't want you hurt you! I broke my own heart for you and pretended that everything was okay because I thought it would be okay! I love you, Taeyeon! I love you! I love you!" She shouted each word into the darkness and hoped that it would reach the ears of the girl she loved. Her voice trailed off and she fell onto her side out of exhaustion. She was tired of hurting. She was tired of hurting herself. She was tired of hurting others. She wanted to go back before she pretended that her life was perfect. She wanted to be back in Taeyeon's arms before she became insecure of her own feelings.
"Then, you should've told me that before you let me walk out of the door." The quiet voice turned her head, but she recognized it long before her eyes could focus on the person who knelt behind her. She closed her eyes and blinked away the tears hoping that the girl behind her was actually there.
"Tiffany was always with you and I thought that if I ignored the fact that she was with you that I would be okay. Instead, I made it worse and thought that you would leave me for her. I broke my own heart and believed that I never had you in the first place. It was my way of bracing myself if you ever did leave, but I ended up holding my breath and believing that you would never leave me because we were doing so well. Except, in the end I broke my safety net of you leaving by falling in love with you and hurting you anyway. I wanted to love you, Taeyeon, but I was scared that someone else held your heart and not-"
"You are an idiot, Jessica." The words stung. She looked up at the girl who hovered above her and saw the smirk on her face. Taeyeon looked haggard and sad. "You know that when I make I promise that I don't ever break it. I promised to you months ago that I would love you forever and that no one would take me away from you. You are my everything and I would be a fool to destroy the one thing that makes me whole."
"Then, why did you leave?" the question tasted bittered against her tongue.
"Because I thought that maybe you weren't the one person I was looking for."
"Why did you come back?" she slowly sat up and faced the water. Arms wrapped around her waist and a chin rested against her shoulder. Taeyeon's warm breath brushed against her neck and ear as she spoke.
"Because it was stupid for me to leave in the first place." She closed her eyes and pressed her lips tightly together. "I fell into you, Jessica Jung, and I can never get out."