(no subject)
San Francisco, you're letting me down.
My roommate isn't here, thank god, but that's pretty much the only thing I have going for me right now.
I'm trying to be happy here, I really am.
But regardless of how hard I'm trying, I still don't want to be here, I'm still not happy, and I still can't help counting down until May when I can be home again.
I don't want to be back in this fucking room, staring at the same shit all the time and listening to my roommate jabber on about nonsense that I could care less about. I don't want to be back in my routine of eating, going to class, working out, and sleeping. I don't want to be away from my house and stressing about money and not having a job, and being totally limited in my job options because it takes me for-fucking-ever to get anywhere on public transportation.
I want to be home. I want to be able to go out to breakfast with my mom whenever I want. I want to be able to call Ben up to come over and nap with me, and I want to be able to spend the night with him and shower with him and just be with him whenever I want, and not feel like I have to cram everything into the two or three days I'm with him every once in awhile. I want the leisure of not seeing him everyday simply because I know he's always there, instead of being together every second because we want to get as much as possible out of the rare occurances that we are together.
I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to be painfully reminded of how much I miss Ben everytime I see a couple. I know that being here is my decision, and I know I need to accept that, but I don't want it anymore.