i've just been away from the keyboard
I know, i know i said i'd post every day, but sometimes i have sleep that needs to be gett... and you know, things to be done. I spent the night at my parents house night before last. I guess they packed up the garage, and went to this swapmeet. They managed to sell lots and lots of things, and they didn't pick too much up to come home with. But they did bring this small little thing of an animal, a baby chameleon. He looked like a pokemon, and was so cute and small. It was my brothers', and i was just so enthralled by how slothlike it moved, how cute and green it was. Well today i got a call from my father. I guess my brother had moved the tank, and put it in another place...which happened to be by a window. So my brother was crying, because his chameleon had died. I feel so bad, i want to be there. It was so small, and he loved it so much. It sucks so much that that little animal had to go. I mean, i feel like i could have made it live longer. I feel like i could have made the situation less sad...because because of the death of Kecleon, (that's what i named it) My mother and father were fighting really really hard last night. And when i was home with my mom, all she did was, attempt to smile... but she seemed sad, she seemed depressed. She was happy when she held me and told me she was happy because she knew that i was safe in her arms. i love her so much. i don't want to feel selfish that i moved out, but really, really me moving out caused her to come to a certain light, and see things differently. I cried on the bus today because i was listenign to a song that my mother loves, and i was just picturing her in the audience, and me in flik, and her just being enthralled by me, and mouthing i love you to me. and seeing her happy there, and seeing all the beauty that that parade has in the middle of the street.... I just don't want to lose anything. i'm scared because i'm on the last straw, and the parade is only 58 days away. Im scared because i cant imagine life without her and it's just scary. so scary. for all the beautiful things in the world, are horrid, wrecthed ugly things that kind of bleed you softly. finding beauty and purpose and truth in the midst of all that blood, in the midst of all the corruptness is hard... and i can't.
pixar play is going to be beautiful. My words cannot describe how grand and breath-taking this parade will be. I want you to be there for me, and want you to know what makes me love and live and find the beauty in life... through smiles, through laughter, through that feeling when the music takes over your body and you just feel, you just feel infinite