angry recovered bulimic nerd

[alexisloud]

I used to like to run a lot. I felt it was something that I was good at. Not excellent, but better than the average person. I used to run around town and in the gym, until someone told me I ran funny. At first I let it go, but then I kept getting comments on how funny I ran. It started to get to me, but I still wanted to try and run a few races. I completed a triathlon knowing I ran funny, I gave up on the run but still placed fourth, eleventh over all. After the race I kept running here and there, training for a half marathon. I felt pretty good- fat, but athletic and healthy. The weather became cooler so I went to the gym to run, where I was told I ran hard... and that I could be heard throughout the gym with my massive steps- and the gym was pretty big. I noticed people looking at me, I became paranoid that I was running wrong and everyone had thought i was an idiot. I felt like an idiot for not knowing exactly how 'hard' i ran. When I walk on treadmills or sidewalks it's loud, even when I try to step lightly I can't. Eventually I stopped training at the gym at all, and then only went at night where i couldn't be seen. There were always parties at night, so I quit running all together. I was registered to run the half marathon, but I- unlike the rest of society- wasn't born with the skill of running. I'm like a dog who can't swim.

anyway, I quit running. I quit exercising at all because I know that I also swim funny. I'm fast at swimming, faster than most fast people even, but I can't swim. People laugh at my technique.

Because I suck at life, I am prone to knee, hip, ankle, and shoulder injuries when I do exercise. Now I am sedentary and depressed. Exercise also brings weight gain, which I know from experience. I am already a large woman, I don't want to add any more extra weight on. So fuck exercising.