(no subject)
So I'm sitting here thinking about Joe again, and I know I'm never on here any more but this is where I post most of my Joe related stuff.
so anyway,
I just need to get this out.
There's no way in hell that I can ever say all that I've ever want to say to you right now.
There is not enough time in the world - and you aren't here with me.
But, I can atleast try. I want you to know that I look up to you and I worship you every fucking day. You are my religion, and I don't care how weird that sounds. You are the reason I want to grow up to be a rock star, So I can maybe change the world like you did. Even though, no one will ever be able to do what you did in the short time you were given. I hope that you know all of us down here, we love you. We miss you like hell, Joe. I still can't believe you're gone. It's like some sick fucking nightmare that will never end. It still hurts when I close my eyes and really listen to you sing. I can hear the cigarettes and soul. I can hear your beautiful fucking voice clear as day. It cuts my heart into pieces to know that you had to leave like you did. Paul, Mick and Topper probably think about you every day. I know I do.
So I'm sitting here wondering, "Why do I repeat myself everytime I talk to you?". I still really haven't found a reason. Maybe I just like to hear myself talk, I'm not sure. But I do know that there is nothing that I would rather have happen then to bring you back - and not just for me, but for Lucinda and your kids and your friends. I miss hearing you sing, and I miss seeing you play guitar - doing what you loved to do. It kills me seeing live videos of you - because they were so close to your passing and you worked so hard. You were truly doing what you loved and you put so much fucking passion into it that it just pisses me off that you had to go. You shouldn't have had to leave us like that, god damnit. You had so much life left in you.
I miss you being here, is all I'm saying in these past paragraphs. What's a world with out Joe Strummer? Nothing, that's what. The world needs you, Saint Joe Strummer. We all need you back because to some of us, you are the guide of our lives and you don't even know it. You have changed music, changed opinions, taught people to question everything and don't bow down. Most of all though, Joe, you taught us that fame doesn't have to make you big headed. You could have been at the height of your fame - and you still would have went to shake a fans hand. You were and still are a fucking example. You were stubborn, and sweet. You showed the world punk rock can be nice. You showed us all how to be an anarchist, and a lover.
You are the one I look up to and you are the one I cry for. I don't know why I do it so much, It's never going to get me any where. I just can't help it. You are so much to me and it just makes me so fucking sad that your gone. My life is nothing without you. And now I'm sitting here on the brink of tears again - I'm hearing your voice. It never fails to give me goose bumps and chills. You have the most beautiful voice. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you, Joe. I live for a man who will never know who I am. I live for a man, who doesn't even know that I'm alive. I sit here and I wish that you know, maybe one day I can be as great as you, but those are high expectations for a girl from a small town in fucking no where.
So, I guess I should stop rambling on, but I really don't want to because there is so much I want to say to you. I've had dreams about you. In my sleep - I have hugged you and sobbed into your chest about how much I fucking missed you. And here come the tears again. God, why the hell did you have to leave? Why couldn't it have been some one else? It sucks so fucking bad knowing that you arent here, you have no clue. I sit here with chills and red eyes telling you this. I miss you so much, and I love you forever. I will tell you that as many times as I need too, because it's the fucking truth.
I guess this is the end.
So with red eyes, a heavy heart, and a sad sigh, this is goodbye for now, my love.
You will live on in my heart forever.
I fucking love you, and only you, Saint Joe Strummer.
-Tommie