(no subject)
"This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.
So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race."
I read this and kind of laughed to myself.
First of all the writer points out that guys complain about girls who date guys that treat them badly, but never justifies it. The truth is, girls do go for the assholes. Why? Because they feel special when the guy who would otherwise be an asshole gives them the slightest amount of attention. Then girls convince themselves that they're soooo in love and endure terrible treatment in fear of losing something they never had in the first place.
Of course guys want "nice girls". And girls want "nice guys". Of course "nice" as an adjective is about as vague of a term that exists in the English language. I would agree with the author that "nice" often times means "easy" or "attractive" to many guys. But it's dangerous to assume that all guys are simply out for a piece of ass, because it's not true.
Granted, I'll give the writer every point if by "guys" she means the uniform American Eagle clad, backwards white hat-wearing, boring-as-fuck assholes that wander Water St. on a nightly basis. The rest of us are indeed looking for a relationship and I'll explain why it's so hard later. I also think it's biased to assume that every slutty-looking girl is really sweet and innocent at heart. While there is a lot of pressure put on girls by society (whatever that means) to look "sexy", what you wear and how you act does reflect at least a little about your personality. So if these girls want guys "to see them for who they really are", they shouldn't conform so easily to what is expected of them and have the guts and dare I say, originality to think for themselves. THAT is what guys want. I girl who is strong enough to say, "You know what? I'm not a slut, I don't feel comfortable looking like one, so I'm going to degrade myself by doing so."
But therin lies the problem and that's where we lose all of our so-called "nice girls". A lot of girls simply lack any sense of originality or independence. They dress, talk, walk, and act the same. Of course I'm not naive enough to assume this about every girl out there, but there is a large part of the female population that this includes. Also, I'd like to mention drama. Yep, drama. Girls are notorious (though I do realize there are also a few guys guilty of it as well) for creating and surrounding themselves with a ridiculous amount of it. "So and so is a bitch because she said such and such about what's her face." Admit it, we've all heard variations of this from time to time, even from the supposed "genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls."
Speaking of these perfect girls that apparently exist around every corner, how do we guys find them? Do we say, "Oh, that one looks like she has a nice personality!" I think not. And since when did it become the responsibility of the guy to seek out the girl? Unless you girls are expecting to be told to get in the kitchen, I suggest you leave your sexist notions of dating at the door. Not only that, but if a girl I had just met said to me, "You appear to be perhaps material from which I could fashion a boyfriend," of course I'd think she was a little weird. The writer tries to make it sound like finding girls is just sooo easy and that men must be stupid if they can't do it, while assuming that almost every girl is indeed what even normal guys have in their prospects. Granted, I think it's safe to say that not all guys are looking for "perfect". It's the assumption that even the majority of girls are or close to that's dangerous here.
I think we can all agree, men and women both have their flaws and the only way to get them together is to look over them once and awhile. Don't give up hope, y'all, that's all I'm saying.
Word.
So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race."
I read this and kind of laughed to myself.
First of all the writer points out that guys complain about girls who date guys that treat them badly, but never justifies it. The truth is, girls do go for the assholes. Why? Because they feel special when the guy who would otherwise be an asshole gives them the slightest amount of attention. Then girls convince themselves that they're soooo in love and endure terrible treatment in fear of losing something they never had in the first place.
Of course guys want "nice girls". And girls want "nice guys". Of course "nice" as an adjective is about as vague of a term that exists in the English language. I would agree with the author that "nice" often times means "easy" or "attractive" to many guys. But it's dangerous to assume that all guys are simply out for a piece of ass, because it's not true.
Granted, I'll give the writer every point if by "guys" she means the uniform American Eagle clad, backwards white hat-wearing, boring-as-fuck assholes that wander Water St. on a nightly basis. The rest of us are indeed looking for a relationship and I'll explain why it's so hard later. I also think it's biased to assume that every slutty-looking girl is really sweet and innocent at heart. While there is a lot of pressure put on girls by society (whatever that means) to look "sexy", what you wear and how you act does reflect at least a little about your personality. So if these girls want guys "to see them for who they really are", they shouldn't conform so easily to what is expected of them and have the guts and dare I say, originality to think for themselves. THAT is what guys want. I girl who is strong enough to say, "You know what? I'm not a slut, I don't feel comfortable looking like one, so I'm going to degrade myself by doing so."
But therin lies the problem and that's where we lose all of our so-called "nice girls". A lot of girls simply lack any sense of originality or independence. They dress, talk, walk, and act the same. Of course I'm not naive enough to assume this about every girl out there, but there is a large part of the female population that this includes. Also, I'd like to mention drama. Yep, drama. Girls are notorious (though I do realize there are also a few guys guilty of it as well) for creating and surrounding themselves with a ridiculous amount of it. "So and so is a bitch because she said such and such about what's her face." Admit it, we've all heard variations of this from time to time, even from the supposed "genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls."
Speaking of these perfect girls that apparently exist around every corner, how do we guys find them? Do we say, "Oh, that one looks like she has a nice personality!" I think not. And since when did it become the responsibility of the guy to seek out the girl? Unless you girls are expecting to be told to get in the kitchen, I suggest you leave your sexist notions of dating at the door. Not only that, but if a girl I had just met said to me, "You appear to be perhaps material from which I could fashion a boyfriend," of course I'd think she was a little weird. The writer tries to make it sound like finding girls is just sooo easy and that men must be stupid if they can't do it, while assuming that almost every girl is indeed what even normal guys have in their prospects. Granted, I think it's safe to say that not all guys are looking for "perfect". It's the assumption that even the majority of girls are or close to that's dangerous here.
I think we can all agree, men and women both have their flaws and the only way to get them together is to look over them once and awhile. Don't give up hope, y'all, that's all I'm saying.
Word.