Crack!fic- Rant Mode
Title: Crack!fic Rant mode
Author: Alexandria
Rating: Teenish for language
Pairing: Kara/Lee sort of
Summary: This is what happens when I don't sleep and work with new partners and loose my mind in the middle of a shift :)
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: All aired episodes
Author Notes: This is not meant to be taken seriously. But I wrote it and it's finished... sort of and complete crack. Enjoy it.
Warnings: Crack!fic
This is not going the way I planned at all. Every damn frakking time these two mess up my cycle. It's perfect. Everything is going the way I want and then!!! THEM!!! A wonderful way to end the never-ending mess and then... they arrive. It's easy, people do it all the time. Even frakked-witted, annoying people do it! Even frakked-witted non people do it. Hello! Ellen and Tigh I made that work. Don't get me started on that... back to... them. So here we all... everything right on track. 3000 years of work and then, what does she go and do... Fall in love with Zak Adama... ZAK! Excuse me... where in any of my plans was that written or suggested or even thought of. It wasn't you dumb ass, who said you could do that and be so sickly sweet at it too. Yuck. Then he walks into your life and you realized my plan, my direction. You know. THE WAY THINGS WERE MEANT TO BE!!!
So then Me, Myself and I have to try and fix it... this was new, this hasn't happened before. I never even thought to try and prevent this. So I have to kill him, kill poor lovable Zak Adama and that unleashes a whole new can of worms and everything sinks quickly. Unbalances them both; not that either of them had very far to go in that department. So what does she do... transfer off the planet and he goes and gets some broad pregnant. Dumb ass men. Not apart of the plan! So they don't speak for two years. Did you miss the signs? Were they not clear enough? Because you know when the signs didn't work I sent messengers to invade your dreams? Then when that didn't work giant frakking billboards with NEON flashing lights and sirens. Hello! Knuckleheads? Do I have to pull your brains out and fuse them together to get the message through. You love each other. I made it that way, it has to be that way... how the hell can you ignore me for 2 years with the constant thoughts! Fine be stubborn. Here. Boom!!! Everything and everyone you love is dead. *squish them together* Just remember I gave you those flying abilities Starbuck... not for this reason mind you but still... it worked. Fused together. Dorks. Stubborn pig headed Viper Jocks! *taps fingers*
Sleep Deprivation, yes... this could work. Oh... no. Great more Lee feeling crappy for himself. There was no one on the ship! Cylons are mean creatures who play mean head games. Must ignore them.
Yeash yeash. Allowing Zak to die made you sad and guilt ridden. I get it! Gods mess up too you know. Wait... what are you doing? 8 against 1. I know I gave you awesome flying abilities but this is insane... look who I'm talking at. She doesn't care... I told you that was stupid. See what happens when you play with the Cylons they strand you on a moon. Go find her! Yes! Thank you. Keep looking... she's got a plan but the crazy girl might run out of oxygen. No! Do not listen to Laura. Kara is more important than the rest of the fleet. So is the idiot but that is beside the point. Kara is the one trying to die now. I don't want her to die. That would be bad and complicate things and I'll have to deal with you all over again. *sighs* Fine... make Kara save herself. She's good at that. See... told you.
YEASH! Dancing... wait... where the hell are you going?! GET BACK HERE!!! *sighs* this is going to be bad... very bad. This is going to be worse than the killing his dad thing four cycles ago. Wasn't her fault. Really wasn't. See... told you it was going to be bad. NO! No hitting each other... *sighs* Wait! You are sending her where??? WHY? That is a bad idea. I do not want her there! Why would you send her there? Caprica? For an arrow? Oh... that arrow... right that is her part to play isn't. But they were supposed be happy and smilely and in love by this point not in denial and angry. This is not what I want. Pythia? Why are you listening to her? *scoffs* Fine. Caprica it is.. must make sure she keeps breathing. Damn, wait a minute. Him! He did what? Munity? *peaks in* Oh, he's safely in a cell. Pesky cylons. See this time it was the evil Boomer that shot your father... fine fine blame Kara. She wasn't there to keep it from happening because she's off doing her destiny that you are supposed to be helping her with! Wait? ACK!! Not that one. Of all the people left on Caprica you had to pick him! Kara. First Zak and then him? HIM? A cylon? Your taste sucks! Wait... shot! Do not shoot her!
Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Them for all these endless cycles! They are doing it again! Wait... Yes. She left him there... let him die in peace. He deserves it. I don't care that I need the five later! He's interfering. This cycles going no where's anyways, he mights as well die now. Go back to Lee... he misses you. See! Hug, KISS! Progress... wait. Denial. *makes note to self to remove that emotion next loop, and Zak Adama!* Take the ball from her and kiss her you fool! DO NOT WALK AWAY!... he walked away. Fine then. Next issue. I don't want friendly pilots. I want pilots in love! With each other. This is horrible. Absolutely horrible. I dislike this.
What is she doing here??? Cain? Didn't I kill her. *checks* Damn. Fine then. Nothing that can't be corrected *sends minions* Oh shit! Do not feed into Kara's hopeless Cylon obsession I do not want her going back to Caprica. She's finished with Caprica. Do not send them over there! What are you doing, these are your children aren't they why would you send them into the hell mouth? She has no part in my plan. None. Adama! *Growls* At least pilots are together. Lee gets demoted? She gets promoted? She protected him... this is progress... slow progress. Wait? She's in charge? This is never good. Oh I told you she was bad Kara. She killed her cilivian fleet, don't listen to her. Flinch. You have to flinch! That is sucide. I have my minions going to kill her. It's being taken care of, stop messing up my plan! Adama is not on my good list. You can't send Kara into a sucide run with Lee!!! ARE YOU NUTS? That is just all sorts of bad! NO wait... want to die! Not allowed to die. What is wrong with him? I know Kara is being all anti togetherness but she'll turn. Be patient! Have you seen inside her mind? It's a mess! How am I supposed to deal with her and you and all of your issues and not have your patiences. Not allowed to die! RACETRACK! Save his ass before he does something stupid like die and I have to deal with them for another silly cycle.
Phew... not dead... wait. Who is that and why is she lingering near Lee and Kara. Dualla? *makes note of concern* I dislike this development. They have a dead brother a not dead cylon
and a crazy cylon trying to interfere you stay away... I know he's pretty. I don't care. You stay away. Oooh goodie. Pissy pilots. Lee this is not the way to handle almost dying. She's trying to help you. In her own ass backwards way. This is not fair. I did not deserve this.
Wait... he's doing what, where, with a... well that is just unexpected. A child? Which child? *peers* Great, reminding of the pregnant one. You slept with the broad in the first place. I am not taking responsibility for you being silly. I can only deal with one of you at a time... Kara is being all pining over the cylon and you are being all weird over the dead girlfriend. Do you two purposely try and destroy my work? What did I ever do you to? Good... that's right. Tell him that you can't replace her. Because you are in love with someone else. Denial. Vile human emotion. Must remove next cycle. Life would be easier without it.
Wait??? What with the??? Kara. Honestly. Spiraling out of control over the cylon. When your realize what I've been telling you all along life will be so much simpler. No cylons. No evilness of crappy tastes interfering. It's really ohh... wait??? Kissage!!! This is good. This could work, in a backwards way. Yes. Yes. This could work. Wait??? Why are talking to her. Talk later!!! *sits back* Now he thinks first. Where was that with the pregnant one oh so smart one??? This is hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't care what I do. These two are impossible. Someone is doing this to mess with me. I know they are. Really they have to be? I don't care what the text says. This is not possible? No one can make them to be together and be happy. The first cycle they killed each other! This time I'm gonna kill them!
Finally time off the ship! DUALLA! Date?! You idiot! What? Who is she and why does she have minions? Only I deserve minions. And to top it off she has armed minions. Great. Don't do anything stupid Lee. Let Kara come save your ass. Again. I've stopped counting this time around. Just stay still and let her handle it! I TOLD YOU TO STAY STILL. You deserved to get shot! Great. Now Kara is going to mope and feel guilty. I had enough problems as it was, I didn't need another one.
Why are you yelling at her? It's not her fault you got yourself shot! She had a clear shot and you ran into it. Don't yell at her. Oh... wait... now you feel guilty. Good. Go get rid of this commander too. I dislike him. He's mean to her and you allowed it. Wait... ooh. Looky no more pissyness. Great back to denial. Do not let her go back to denial. Or back to Caprica! That will bring nothing good. I promise you!
DO NOT GET HIM OFF CAPRICA! Great. Caprica. More cylons. And that one! Kill that one. He's the reason you weren't together last cycle! Frakking Cavil. Idiot. I know all and everything is my way. You should leave him there. Now I have to get you off of Caprica again. *sends minions* Do not fall for this trick. Goofs. Yes. Go back to the fleet with your pet cylon and be happy with Lee! NO! *shakes head and sits back* This is terrible. Baltar got elected?! Who the hell was silly enough to allow that to happen *checks* Adama... should have known.
No moving to different ships? This is bad. This is just plain bad. I'm never gonna fix this. Wait... boring boring boring... wait! Yeash! Party. Alcohol. *Squishes them together* Must get rid of pet cylon boy. Yeash she's just having fun with him. Yes she's in love with you! YES! YES! YES! *sits back in chair and relaxes* Well that was unexpected but I'm not going to complain. Pilots in love! I like this. This will work... wait... what? WHY ARE YOU LEAVING!!! SAM? SHINY!!! YOU WENT BACK TO SHINY! NO!!! MARRIAGE!!! ARE YOU INSANE! You're insane! SANCTIONED!!! DENIED! I DENY THIS UNION!!! What is he doing? Go get her and shake her you fool! Make her understand this is stupid and annoying and bad and NOT THE PLAN!!! Wait... Dualla, I know you're pissed and hurt at Kara but this is not the answer! NO! DO NOT KISS HER! Fine. *growls* both of your tastes suck.
Well then, you leave me no choice. Death to both of them. You did this. You did. Not me. I had a plan. A perfect plan. Then you... you both went off and married other peoples! Why must you be so difficult? What did I ever do to you? Who did I piss off to be saddled with your souls for eternity?... Wait... not speaking? We've already done this! It's old. I don't like it! Here... play with these! Oops... forgot about the obsessed cylon, goodie. Kara can kill him. Oh. Well, this cycle is frakked anyways... Kara is already unstable. What's that going to harm. Good kill the crazy obsessed cylon. Kill the one your married too and take the girl to safety. Yes... back on the ship. A year wasted. Well the pawns are in place... I told you that you should have killed Sam, He could be happy as a final five with Ellen and Cavil.
Yeash, I know your mad at each other. Kara did something stupid, really stupid, get over it. Be happy and move on! *taps foot* ooh... fight. Oh... pretty ones are gonna fight. This will end either very well or very badly. At least if they kill each other I can scrap this world and start over when the cycle restarts. Oh.. that's dirty Kara... you never fight fair. Ouch. That's gonna leave a scar. Yes watch you non- legitimate spouses, I refuse to acknowledge your presence and someone be kind enough to tell them that they are idiots! Athena I elect you! Oh... happy pilots. Happy pilots I can work with!
Wait? Affair? I don't want an affair!!! You made a vow??? Excuse me? What vow? That union is not sanctioned! Means not valid! I disdain problems in my plan. They simply must die. Yeash blow the affair out of the water with your thinking first idiot self. You need to have a conversation with the rest of the male viper pilots. They'll tell you when a woman as hot as Starbuck throws herself at you. You take! Then you work on the rest of it! This is hopeless. I'm done. Throwing in the towel... they can't even have a proper affair with all that zing I gave them.
Yeash Yeash... throw in your towels as well, go back to your sad marriages and die! I want a fresh start. This is not fair. Nothing is fair! I'm wait... no no no. I was lying. I don't want a fresh start. I don't want to start over... I don't want to see these people again and know the havoc they will reign upon the world with their denial and stubbornness... why are you flying in there! Do not fly in there! That will kill you!
Wait... why is she not dead? She should be dead. She is dead. Why are there two of her?! *goes to check* Yeash Mourn her. This will work. She's gone. Yes now you admit you love her you silly boy. It only takes 2 months of her being gone and dead to have it sink into your brain... wait. Why doesn't she remember two months... you kill her and don't let her remember it? This is not fair. Just not fair. I quit. I'm done. I refuse to watch them make a mess of my plans! It was perfect. I covered all the bases. How was I supposed to know that they were going to... they're hugging? as in... hugging? Why are they doing that? HAPPY! Sam... get your grubby hands off her. Earth... why do we want them to go to Earth. They aren't happy yet, they need to be happy first.
Cylon husband, I told you that it was a bad idea. You should have listened to me. Saved yourself some grief. Dead body and really Kara did your unbalanced mind really need to do that, you have enough problems as it was and the dead wife*pets minions*. I simply can not catch a break. But look Lee... Kara was a grown up. She didn't even tell you about the dead body part. Probably should have but you said you believed in her her anyways. She shouldn't need to tell you. You aren't going to care anyways because you watched her explode and she's obviously not dead so whatever she is. You still love her. TELL HER!!!
Wait! No getting dead! I'm soooo close. Happy pilots, In love pilots. Crap! No munity. Humans and their silly free will. Who thought that was a good idea? I want to know so I can shoot them. Wait... he's gonna get dead! KARA! Save his ass. Yes! Good girl. Though you could have killed them. I wouldn't have minded. Working together... happiness. Just one more problem... looky! Shoot him, he's being silly and not looking! He deserves to get shot! KARA! You didn't have to save him. I was happy with him being dead. You'd be happy with him dead... eventualy.
They lived through the crap... great... whining over Shiny and Lee is busy. Perfect. Wake me when this is over...
she told BALTER!!! she shouldn't speak to Balter let alone tell him secrets! Have I taught her nothing! Yeash. OVER SHINY! KILL HIM! well damn. toaster wants to live... fine a talking space plant is just fine with me. Go find Lee... tell him you've had a breakthrough!
*adds Baltar to hit list* out Kara like that... he better react kindly, nicely to the news. YES! My babies are growing up and not killing each other... has it really been 5 months since she returned. It seems like 5 years. Oooh... the end is coming. He chose to go with them. Duh. Where she goes he follows? That has never changed in any cycle. This is up to them now. The footsteps are in place all you have to do is walk them! 'LOVE EACH OTHER!" or next time I'll watch you die just for spite!
Author: Alexandria
Rating: Teenish for language
Pairing: Kara/Lee sort of
Summary: This is what happens when I don't sleep and work with new partners and loose my mind in the middle of a shift :)
Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: All aired episodes
Author Notes: This is not meant to be taken seriously. But I wrote it and it's finished... sort of and complete crack. Enjoy it.
Warnings: Crack!fic
This is not going the way I planned at all. Every damn frakking time these two mess up my cycle. It's perfect. Everything is going the way I want and then!!! THEM!!! A wonderful way to end the never-ending mess and then... they arrive. It's easy, people do it all the time. Even frakked-witted, annoying people do it! Even frakked-witted non people do it. Hello! Ellen and Tigh I made that work. Don't get me started on that... back to... them. So here we all... everything right on track. 3000 years of work and then, what does she go and do... Fall in love with Zak Adama... ZAK! Excuse me... where in any of my plans was that written or suggested or even thought of. It wasn't you dumb ass, who said you could do that and be so sickly sweet at it too. Yuck. Then he walks into your life and you realized my plan, my direction. You know. THE WAY THINGS WERE MEANT TO BE!!!
So then Me, Myself and I have to try and fix it... this was new, this hasn't happened before. I never even thought to try and prevent this. So I have to kill him, kill poor lovable Zak Adama and that unleashes a whole new can of worms and everything sinks quickly. Unbalances them both; not that either of them had very far to go in that department. So what does she do... transfer off the planet and he goes and gets some broad pregnant. Dumb ass men. Not apart of the plan! So they don't speak for two years. Did you miss the signs? Were they not clear enough? Because you know when the signs didn't work I sent messengers to invade your dreams? Then when that didn't work giant frakking billboards with NEON flashing lights and sirens. Hello! Knuckleheads? Do I have to pull your brains out and fuse them together to get the message through. You love each other. I made it that way, it has to be that way... how the hell can you ignore me for 2 years with the constant thoughts! Fine be stubborn. Here. Boom!!! Everything and everyone you love is dead. *squish them together* Just remember I gave you those flying abilities Starbuck... not for this reason mind you but still... it worked. Fused together. Dorks. Stubborn pig headed Viper Jocks! *taps fingers*
Sleep Deprivation, yes... this could work. Oh... no. Great more Lee feeling crappy for himself. There was no one on the ship! Cylons are mean creatures who play mean head games. Must ignore them.
Yeash yeash. Allowing Zak to die made you sad and guilt ridden. I get it! Gods mess up too you know. Wait... what are you doing? 8 against 1. I know I gave you awesome flying abilities but this is insane... look who I'm talking at. She doesn't care... I told you that was stupid. See what happens when you play with the Cylons they strand you on a moon. Go find her! Yes! Thank you. Keep looking... she's got a plan but the crazy girl might run out of oxygen. No! Do not listen to Laura. Kara is more important than the rest of the fleet. So is the idiot but that is beside the point. Kara is the one trying to die now. I don't want her to die. That would be bad and complicate things and I'll have to deal with you all over again. *sighs* Fine... make Kara save herself. She's good at that. See... told you.
YEASH! Dancing... wait... where the hell are you going?! GET BACK HERE!!! *sighs* this is going to be bad... very bad. This is going to be worse than the killing his dad thing four cycles ago. Wasn't her fault. Really wasn't. See... told you it was going to be bad. NO! No hitting each other... *sighs* Wait! You are sending her where??? WHY? That is a bad idea. I do not want her there! Why would you send her there? Caprica? For an arrow? Oh... that arrow... right that is her part to play isn't. But they were supposed be happy and smilely and in love by this point not in denial and angry. This is not what I want. Pythia? Why are you listening to her? *scoffs* Fine. Caprica it is.. must make sure she keeps breathing. Damn, wait a minute. Him! He did what? Munity? *peaks in* Oh, he's safely in a cell. Pesky cylons. See this time it was the evil Boomer that shot your father... fine fine blame Kara. She wasn't there to keep it from happening because she's off doing her destiny that you are supposed to be helping her with! Wait? ACK!! Not that one. Of all the people left on Caprica you had to pick him! Kara. First Zak and then him? HIM? A cylon? Your taste sucks! Wait... shot! Do not shoot her!
Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Them for all these endless cycles! They are doing it again! Wait... Yes. She left him there... let him die in peace. He deserves it. I don't care that I need the five later! He's interfering. This cycles going no where's anyways, he mights as well die now. Go back to Lee... he misses you. See! Hug, KISS! Progress... wait. Denial. *makes note to self to remove that emotion next loop, and Zak Adama!* Take the ball from her and kiss her you fool! DO NOT WALK AWAY!... he walked away. Fine then. Next issue. I don't want friendly pilots. I want pilots in love! With each other. This is horrible. Absolutely horrible. I dislike this.
What is she doing here??? Cain? Didn't I kill her. *checks* Damn. Fine then. Nothing that can't be corrected *sends minions* Oh shit! Do not feed into Kara's hopeless Cylon obsession I do not want her going back to Caprica. She's finished with Caprica. Do not send them over there! What are you doing, these are your children aren't they why would you send them into the hell mouth? She has no part in my plan. None. Adama! *Growls* At least pilots are together. Lee gets demoted? She gets promoted? She protected him... this is progress... slow progress. Wait? She's in charge? This is never good. Oh I told you she was bad Kara. She killed her cilivian fleet, don't listen to her. Flinch. You have to flinch! That is sucide. I have my minions going to kill her. It's being taken care of, stop messing up my plan! Adama is not on my good list. You can't send Kara into a sucide run with Lee!!! ARE YOU NUTS? That is just all sorts of bad! NO wait... want to die! Not allowed to die. What is wrong with him? I know Kara is being all anti togetherness but she'll turn. Be patient! Have you seen inside her mind? It's a mess! How am I supposed to deal with her and you and all of your issues and not have your patiences. Not allowed to die! RACETRACK! Save his ass before he does something stupid like die and I have to deal with them for another silly cycle.
Phew... not dead... wait. Who is that and why is she lingering near Lee and Kara. Dualla? *makes note of concern* I dislike this development. They have a dead brother a not dead cylon
and a crazy cylon trying to interfere you stay away... I know he's pretty. I don't care. You stay away. Oooh goodie. Pissy pilots. Lee this is not the way to handle almost dying. She's trying to help you. In her own ass backwards way. This is not fair. I did not deserve this.
Wait... he's doing what, where, with a... well that is just unexpected. A child? Which child? *peers* Great, reminding of the pregnant one. You slept with the broad in the first place. I am not taking responsibility for you being silly. I can only deal with one of you at a time... Kara is being all pining over the cylon and you are being all weird over the dead girlfriend. Do you two purposely try and destroy my work? What did I ever do you to? Good... that's right. Tell him that you can't replace her. Because you are in love with someone else. Denial. Vile human emotion. Must remove next cycle. Life would be easier without it.
Wait??? What with the??? Kara. Honestly. Spiraling out of control over the cylon. When your realize what I've been telling you all along life will be so much simpler. No cylons. No evilness of crappy tastes interfering. It's really ohh... wait??? Kissage!!! This is good. This could work, in a backwards way. Yes. Yes. This could work. Wait??? Why are talking to her. Talk later!!! *sits back* Now he thinks first. Where was that with the pregnant one oh so smart one??? This is hopeless. Completely hopeless. I don't care what I do. These two are impossible. Someone is doing this to mess with me. I know they are. Really they have to be? I don't care what the text says. This is not possible? No one can make them to be together and be happy. The first cycle they killed each other! This time I'm gonna kill them!
Finally time off the ship! DUALLA! Date?! You idiot! What? Who is she and why does she have minions? Only I deserve minions. And to top it off she has armed minions. Great. Don't do anything stupid Lee. Let Kara come save your ass. Again. I've stopped counting this time around. Just stay still and let her handle it! I TOLD YOU TO STAY STILL. You deserved to get shot! Great. Now Kara is going to mope and feel guilty. I had enough problems as it was, I didn't need another one.
Why are you yelling at her? It's not her fault you got yourself shot! She had a clear shot and you ran into it. Don't yell at her. Oh... wait... now you feel guilty. Good. Go get rid of this commander too. I dislike him. He's mean to her and you allowed it. Wait... ooh. Looky no more pissyness. Great back to denial. Do not let her go back to denial. Or back to Caprica! That will bring nothing good. I promise you!
DO NOT GET HIM OFF CAPRICA! Great. Caprica. More cylons. And that one! Kill that one. He's the reason you weren't together last cycle! Frakking Cavil. Idiot. I know all and everything is my way. You should leave him there. Now I have to get you off of Caprica again. *sends minions* Do not fall for this trick. Goofs. Yes. Go back to the fleet with your pet cylon and be happy with Lee! NO! *shakes head and sits back* This is terrible. Baltar got elected?! Who the hell was silly enough to allow that to happen *checks* Adama... should have known.
No moving to different ships? This is bad. This is just plain bad. I'm never gonna fix this. Wait... boring boring boring... wait! Yeash! Party. Alcohol. *Squishes them together* Must get rid of pet cylon boy. Yeash she's just having fun with him. Yes she's in love with you! YES! YES! YES! *sits back in chair and relaxes* Well that was unexpected but I'm not going to complain. Pilots in love! I like this. This will work... wait... what? WHY ARE YOU LEAVING!!! SAM? SHINY!!! YOU WENT BACK TO SHINY! NO!!! MARRIAGE!!! ARE YOU INSANE! You're insane! SANCTIONED!!! DENIED! I DENY THIS UNION!!! What is he doing? Go get her and shake her you fool! Make her understand this is stupid and annoying and bad and NOT THE PLAN!!! Wait... Dualla, I know you're pissed and hurt at Kara but this is not the answer! NO! DO NOT KISS HER! Fine. *growls* both of your tastes suck.
Well then, you leave me no choice. Death to both of them. You did this. You did. Not me. I had a plan. A perfect plan. Then you... you both went off and married other peoples! Why must you be so difficult? What did I ever do to you? Who did I piss off to be saddled with your souls for eternity?... Wait... not speaking? We've already done this! It's old. I don't like it! Here... play with these! Oops... forgot about the obsessed cylon, goodie. Kara can kill him. Oh. Well, this cycle is frakked anyways... Kara is already unstable. What's that going to harm. Good kill the crazy obsessed cylon. Kill the one your married too and take the girl to safety. Yes... back on the ship. A year wasted. Well the pawns are in place... I told you that you should have killed Sam, He could be happy as a final five with Ellen and Cavil.
Yeash, I know your mad at each other. Kara did something stupid, really stupid, get over it. Be happy and move on! *taps foot* ooh... fight. Oh... pretty ones are gonna fight. This will end either very well or very badly. At least if they kill each other I can scrap this world and start over when the cycle restarts. Oh.. that's dirty Kara... you never fight fair. Ouch. That's gonna leave a scar. Yes watch you non- legitimate spouses, I refuse to acknowledge your presence and someone be kind enough to tell them that they are idiots! Athena I elect you! Oh... happy pilots. Happy pilots I can work with!
Wait? Affair? I don't want an affair!!! You made a vow??? Excuse me? What vow? That union is not sanctioned! Means not valid! I disdain problems in my plan. They simply must die. Yeash blow the affair out of the water with your thinking first idiot self. You need to have a conversation with the rest of the male viper pilots. They'll tell you when a woman as hot as Starbuck throws herself at you. You take! Then you work on the rest of it! This is hopeless. I'm done. Throwing in the towel... they can't even have a proper affair with all that zing I gave them.
Yeash Yeash... throw in your towels as well, go back to your sad marriages and die! I want a fresh start. This is not fair. Nothing is fair! I'm wait... no no no. I was lying. I don't want a fresh start. I don't want to start over... I don't want to see these people again and know the havoc they will reign upon the world with their denial and stubbornness... why are you flying in there! Do not fly in there! That will kill you!
Wait... why is she not dead? She should be dead. She is dead. Why are there two of her?! *goes to check* Yeash Mourn her. This will work. She's gone. Yes now you admit you love her you silly boy. It only takes 2 months of her being gone and dead to have it sink into your brain... wait. Why doesn't she remember two months... you kill her and don't let her remember it? This is not fair. Just not fair. I quit. I'm done. I refuse to watch them make a mess of my plans! It was perfect. I covered all the bases. How was I supposed to know that they were going to... they're hugging? as in... hugging? Why are they doing that? HAPPY! Sam... get your grubby hands off her. Earth... why do we want them to go to Earth. They aren't happy yet, they need to be happy first.
Cylon husband, I told you that it was a bad idea. You should have listened to me. Saved yourself some grief. Dead body and really Kara did your unbalanced mind really need to do that, you have enough problems as it was and the dead wife*pets minions*. I simply can not catch a break. But look Lee... Kara was a grown up. She didn't even tell you about the dead body part. Probably should have but you said you believed in her her anyways. She shouldn't need to tell you. You aren't going to care anyways because you watched her explode and she's obviously not dead so whatever she is. You still love her. TELL HER!!!
Wait! No getting dead! I'm soooo close. Happy pilots, In love pilots. Crap! No munity. Humans and their silly free will. Who thought that was a good idea? I want to know so I can shoot them. Wait... he's gonna get dead! KARA! Save his ass. Yes! Good girl. Though you could have killed them. I wouldn't have minded. Working together... happiness. Just one more problem... looky! Shoot him, he's being silly and not looking! He deserves to get shot! KARA! You didn't have to save him. I was happy with him being dead. You'd be happy with him dead... eventualy.
They lived through the crap... great... whining over Shiny and Lee is busy. Perfect. Wake me when this is over...
she told BALTER!!! she shouldn't speak to Balter let alone tell him secrets! Have I taught her nothing! Yeash. OVER SHINY! KILL HIM! well damn. toaster wants to live... fine a talking space plant is just fine with me. Go find Lee... tell him you've had a breakthrough!
*adds Baltar to hit list* out Kara like that... he better react kindly, nicely to the news. YES! My babies are growing up and not killing each other... has it really been 5 months since she returned. It seems like 5 years. Oooh... the end is coming. He chose to go with them. Duh. Where she goes he follows? That has never changed in any cycle. This is up to them now. The footsteps are in place all you have to do is walk them! 'LOVE EACH OTHER!" or next time I'll watch you die just for spite!