Throughout my years, I put as much effort as possible into my schoolwork, as long with holding down a part-time job at a local general hardware and lumber store, working nights and weekends, about a total of 25 hours a week. I think it would sound a little better as "along with".
While I enjoyed my classes and job just fine, You don't need to include the just fine part.
I have and have had an interest in the fashion industry. idk maybe you could reword this a little differently and like add a little cuteness to it like "I have always enjoyed fashion ever since I experimented with my mother's high heels and make-up, and I feel that I will always be interested in the fashion industry."
Interested, I took the quiz, and found the results intriguing. My top result was that of the visual communications field. Interested, I took a gander at the field, and was pleasantly surprised that it had a mixture of all the activities I enjoy, such as music and arts. You have "interested" used as a start to both of these sentences, and I think it would sound better if you left the second without the "interested".
Other than those small corrections, I thought it was good. There are a couple sentences with long lists that could possibly use semicolons instead, but that's no big deal. Oh, and make sure you indent each paragraph.
I think it would sound a little better as "along with".
While I enjoyed my classes and job just fine,
You don't need to include the just fine part.
I have and have had an interest in the fashion industry.
idk maybe you could reword this a little differently and like add a little cuteness to it like "I have always enjoyed fashion ever since I experimented with my mother's high heels and make-up, and I feel that I will always be interested in the fashion industry."
Interested, I took the quiz, and found the results intriguing. My top result was that of the visual communications field. Interested, I took a gander at the field, and was pleasantly surprised that it had a mixture of all the activities I enjoy, such as music and arts.
You have "interested" used as a start to both of these sentences, and I think it would sound better if you left the second without the "interested".
Other than those small corrections, I thought it was good. There are a couple sentences with long lists that could possibly use semicolons instead, but that's no big deal. Oh, and make sure you indent each paragraph.
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