last night i posted this....

[alexanders_star]

another year you've been gone, and i sit here thinking of you. it's been a while since we've spoken. emotions flood back in like a broken dam and coping will always be this hard. i wonder what went through your head that dreadful night. i wish i could see and feel all your pain so that i may understand your reasons better. no. i lied. i'm scared. and i miss you. i just want to cry, but i cant anymore. i've forgotten how. its two years to the day and i can still hear your laughter in my dreams. i'm still not over this. i'll never be over this.

i swear to God, Alex visited me last night. i couldnt see him, but i could literally feel him. it was insane.