Now don't be wishin's of switchin' any positions with me
It's 1995 now that I'm older stress weighs on my shoulders
heavy as boulders but I told ya
till the day that I die I still will be a soldier and that's all I told
ya and that's all I showed ya
and all this calamity is rippin' my sanity
Can it be I'm a celebrity
whose on the brink of insanity
Pharcyde - "Runnin"
The running I mean is figurative, no actual running from point A to B was done today, but nevertheless, run is what I did.
I looked at my post from the other day... tres melancholy, it coulda been the onset of this cold I now have, mixed in with my anxiety, but there you go, that's how it was presented.
Looking back at all the stress and anxiety I have been going through, I think has been a result of my own inability to face reality. The fact is: Elle loves me, she's coming here to be with ME, no matter what, no matter what craziness this country is in, she's coming here because a) she believes in us as a couple and b) she believes that our combined efforts will bring about something productive and profitable... and you know what?... I do too. So I should stop sweating the small-ish stuff and just focus on her coming here and being ready to love the hell out of her.
Speaking of loves... an "ex" popped up the other day. Martee, as you may all know about got in touch with me. She apologized for things that had gone on in the past, and she mentioned the strides she's making in self-improvement. It startled me, truth be told, to hear from her after I had definitively told her "so long"; but deep down, I'm glad she gave me the news that she's doing much better and on the road to recovery. She found my journal somehow, but I'm HOPING that she's good enough to not read up on me every day. I would appreciate my privacy, and as much as I don't like sounding like a dick, she's not entitled to know how I'm doing or what moves I'm making, we're out of each other's lives, c'est tout.
The running... well.. today I got killer bad timing news. Guy I'm supposed to be gettin some furniture made from, is not around, no one knows where he is, and no one knows what projects are done and what's pending. Let me tell you what kind of a damper that put on MY day. I mean, seriously, I know not EVERYTHING has to be 100% ready for when Elle arrives, but there were a few things I wanted done. The cabinets in the bathroom for her stuff, and the sunglass holder thingy I wanted to be a surprise. So now, I was forced to run around Bavaro, where EVERYTHING's more expensive, and find a workshop with handymen who are NOT going home for the holidays. Easier said than done. I found one, who lives here, his price, not cheap, his work, will be done on time. I'm just happy I'll be able to get those pieces in the house by the time Elle arrives but I'm not happy with the price I'm paying. It's not so much the labour as it is the materials, they're more expensive here cause they have to be brought in from the Capital, so.... I'm fucked. At least she'll have a place to put her glasses... oh... and I'll have a hook in my ceiling.
Anywho... prospects are looking less-than-grim, the cold and sore throat don't help. I think maybe I'll consider smoking a joint or having a beer. I don't know that it will help ease my pain, but it'll make me feel a lil more normal and less hurried.
I can't believe it's almost a week!
cuz when you in my position, it ain't never easy,
Aa!
heavy as boulders but I told ya
till the day that I die I still will be a soldier and that's all I told
ya and that's all I showed ya
and all this calamity is rippin' my sanity
Can it be I'm a celebrity
whose on the brink of insanity
Pharcyde - "Runnin"
The running I mean is figurative, no actual running from point A to B was done today, but nevertheless, run is what I did.
I looked at my post from the other day... tres melancholy, it coulda been the onset of this cold I now have, mixed in with my anxiety, but there you go, that's how it was presented.
Looking back at all the stress and anxiety I have been going through, I think has been a result of my own inability to face reality. The fact is: Elle loves me, she's coming here to be with ME, no matter what, no matter what craziness this country is in, she's coming here because a) she believes in us as a couple and b) she believes that our combined efforts will bring about something productive and profitable... and you know what?... I do too. So I should stop sweating the small-ish stuff and just focus on her coming here and being ready to love the hell out of her.
Speaking of loves... an "ex" popped up the other day. Martee, as you may all know about got in touch with me. She apologized for things that had gone on in the past, and she mentioned the strides she's making in self-improvement. It startled me, truth be told, to hear from her after I had definitively told her "so long"; but deep down, I'm glad she gave me the news that she's doing much better and on the road to recovery. She found my journal somehow, but I'm HOPING that she's good enough to not read up on me every day. I would appreciate my privacy, and as much as I don't like sounding like a dick, she's not entitled to know how I'm doing or what moves I'm making, we're out of each other's lives, c'est tout.
The running... well.. today I got killer bad timing news. Guy I'm supposed to be gettin some furniture made from, is not around, no one knows where he is, and no one knows what projects are done and what's pending. Let me tell you what kind of a damper that put on MY day. I mean, seriously, I know not EVERYTHING has to be 100% ready for when Elle arrives, but there were a few things I wanted done. The cabinets in the bathroom for her stuff, and the sunglass holder thingy I wanted to be a surprise. So now, I was forced to run around Bavaro, where EVERYTHING's more expensive, and find a workshop with handymen who are NOT going home for the holidays. Easier said than done. I found one, who lives here, his price, not cheap, his work, will be done on time. I'm just happy I'll be able to get those pieces in the house by the time Elle arrives but I'm not happy with the price I'm paying. It's not so much the labour as it is the materials, they're more expensive here cause they have to be brought in from the Capital, so.... I'm fucked. At least she'll have a place to put her glasses... oh... and I'll have a hook in my ceiling.
Anywho... prospects are looking less-than-grim, the cold and sore throat don't help. I think maybe I'll consider smoking a joint or having a beer. I don't know that it will help ease my pain, but it'll make me feel a lil more normal and less hurried.
I can't believe it's almost a week!
cuz when you in my position, it ain't never easy,
Aa!