A Matter Of Course

[alexakaruda]

The power went out along my grid, around midday, while I was eating my lunch at home. It was on long enough for me to check my email, but it cut out before I was able to check the location of the Dissertation Preparation Workshop I had pre-registered to attend this afternoon. My laptop has a battery, of course, but the internet doesn't work

Comments

[wash_it_out]

Eek, Abby, I'm scared too! I leave Saturday morning for Seattle to visit U of W, and right now I'm just looking at getting a Master's degree and then teaching high school, but there's always this little voice in the back of my mind saying, "Come on, wouldn't you like to be Dr. Payne? And if you're going to stick around for 2 more years, why not stick around for 3 more after that?" So I'll probably end up going for a PhD. But it's such a HUGE commitment, and the thought of living and breathing a dissertation for that long is terrifying. I've seen how the grad students at Vandy struggle with their work load, and it's not cool.

But they do find moments of fun and silliness in between the hours at the library. And they're really into what they're studying, so it doesn't seem to be all bad. I love watching people geek out about Greek verbs. But the thought of having to put anything like having meaningful relationships or starting a family on hold until you're done is scary. I'll be old then! If I start when I'm 22, I'll be done when I'm 27. 27. That's almost 30! This morning I found my first creepy little varicose spidervein on my left thigh and almost had a conniption fit. I feel like I'm going to be so decrepit by the time I finish school (an image of Cryptkeeper me with grey hair and cobwebs in my armpits instantly springs to mind) that no one will want anything to do with me, let alone the husband of my dreams. So I'm destined for a solitary life of academia reading about the exploits of long-dead Romans while having no life of my own.

But that's how I feel when I'm being extremely pessimistic. Chances are that I'll get a lot out of grad school, and still be awesome when I'm almost-30 and I get out, and I know you will. Hell, Jen's right, you might meet someone while you're there! As for kids... I want babies now, and it's driving me up the wall. But more than I want babies, I want to do everything that I want to do for me. So I think you're making the right choice, and maybe you can fit some little Abby-creatures in there somewhere. :)

Good luck, babe. I understand why you're intimidated, but I have the utmost faith in you.