Fic: "Breaking Point" PG-13 (17/?) [SB/VM, IM/CP, (OB/KU)]
Summery: Unbeknown to everyone, even Viggo himself, Viggo’s dormant Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) surfaces, making Sean become caught between the real Viggo’s pure love and his Alter’s dark and twisted sense of love in a dangerous relationship that could destroy them both. The other cast members end up becoming caught in Viggo’s battle as well, most noticeably Orli, Ian, Karl and Liv.
Quick recap: Ian, Craig, Orli, Liv, Karl and Dave got Sean to move in with Liv for a few days by claiming she needed his protection. At the same time Karl and Orlando became closer.
Warnings, disclaimer and more for this story can be read in part 1.
This is for everyone who did not give up on this story. *hugs* A special thanks to the people who e-mailed me and asked for more BP; you made me finish this chapter.
As always a special thanks to BlueKat for everything.
Please read Part 1-16 of Breaking Point here:
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=alexabond&keyword=Breaking+Point+SB/VM+novel/long+fic&filter=all
The lovely story banner is by BlueKat, modified by me.
Part 17
Karl sat by the bar in the pub most of the actors frequented after a long day of shooting, a beer in his hand, a thoughtful look on his face. It had been 3 days since Sean had gone to Liv’s place and they hadn’t been easy. To not scare him only Liv and on occasion Ian and Craig had talked with him; the latter two only over the phone as they were supposed to be out of town. In reality they had stayed close in case Liv needed them. To everyone’s relief yet also puzzlement Viggo hadn’t tried to seek him out. Liv had done her part well and had kept Sean busy with her in the house to prevent him from meeting Viggo on set. Sean didn’t have any more scenes to shot and Liv had only a few but those would have to wait till the props were set up. Dave, Karl and Orlando had received their news about Sean’s progress from Ian and Craig. Like a small child or scared animal, was the words Ian used to describe Sean in a grim voice. Karl had wanted nothing more than to seek him out, apologize, but he knew it was far too early for that. So he kept his distance. These days he tried hard not to brood over what he had done but the thought was always close by, like a dark ghost waiting to ensnare him. His dark mood was instantly broken when Orlando waved at him, a sunshine smile on his handsome face, from across the room. He was playing pool with the Hobbits and seemed to be enjoying the game immensely. Karl wasn’t even aware of it but when he saw Orlando’s gesture his expression softened and his spirits lifted as he waved back at him.
“Mind if I sit down?” Hugo asked, forcing Karl to turn his attention away from Orlando, unaware he was still holding a soft look on his face and a fond smile was curving his lips. Hugo didn’t comment on it but there was a knowing look in his eyes.
“Sure,” Karl replied and made a little more room.
Hugo put his beer on the bar in front of him and sat on the stool beside Karl. “Of all the places to wait for your shots this one isn’t bad,” the older man commented with a smile as he drank from his beer. Like Liv he was waiting for the props to be put in place before he could do the rest of his scenes.
Karl nodded. “It’s a beautiful country.”
“And beautiful people,” Hugo commented with a smile and nodded towards where Orlando and the Hobbits were fooling around, caught up in their playful competition.
Karl turned to watch Orlando who was focused on taking a shoot and therefore didn’t see it. The young man looked as beautiful as an angel and for Karl that symbolism had become almost literal; Orlando’s warmth, support and care was slowly but surely dragging him further and further away from the darkness that had been about to swallow him whole. He still had a long way to go but he also knew that in the darkness of his heart and mind Orlando was the light. “Yeah,” Karl agreed with a smile before he turned back to Hugo.
“I haven’t seen Viggo and Sean for a while,” Hugo went on, only slight worry in his voice.
Karl instantly stiffened, uncomfortable with debating the sensitive issue with someone who, in regard to this, was an outsider. “Viggo has a lot of very demanding shots. He probably called it a night.”
“Hmm,” Hugo merely said, nodding agreement. His eyes became clouded and he mumbled into his beer, “Maybe it’s just sleep he’s lacking.”
Karl frowned, having caught the comment. “What do you mean?”
Hugo put his beer back on the bar. “Hasn’t he seemed…different somehow to you?” He asked and looked intensely at him, questioning, searching.
“How different?” Karl asked carefully.
“One minute thoughtful, helpful, kind….artistic. The next dominating, territorial…almost aggressive,” Hugo paused before he added, “in particular around Sean.”
Karl frowned and nodded. “Yes. That’s true,” he agreed. He had been so busy seeing Viggo’s change to the worse, in particular around Sean that he had forgotten that Hugo was right; at times he did again act the way he had when Karl had first befriended him and considered him almost like a brother.
“He reminds me of my aunt Anna,” Hugo went on with a thoughtful and far away look of bittersweet memories in his eyes.
“What happened to her?” Karl asked, intrigued despite his normal policy to respect others’ privacy as he wanted them to respect his.
“She had a split personality disorder...or Dissociative Identity Disorder I think is the professional term. She had four different personalities.”
“Four?!” Karl tried to absorb this news. “And Viggo’s behaviour is similar?”
Hugo nodded. “Yes. Well, only when she was off her medication of course.”
Karl drew strength for those words. If this could be what had caused Viggo’s change there was hope; hope for them all. “So there is a cure?” He tried not to sound too eager but still leaned closer to Hugo, hanging on his lips for his next words.
Hugo nodded but then explained further, “Well, not a cure pro say but there is medication which will repress the other personalities.”
“And the person will be…well? Like before?” Karl asked eagerly, now not able to contain the hope in his eyes and voice.
Hugo nodded, a little puzzled as to where from Karl’s clear interest in the subject came. “Yes. As long as they take their medication there should be no problem. My aunt always seemed perfectly fine whenever she was on her medications.”
Karl tried hard to contain his excitement. The thought that Viggo might be ill, he wasn’t really cruel, he wasn’t truly mean to Sean…somehow that made everything better in his mind. He couldn’t really explain it but it would mean Viggo really wasn’t to blame…unless of course he on purpose hadn’t taken his medication. “Isn’t these things discovered in childhood?” Karl asked, trying to dampen his hopes.
“Often, if it’s something the person is born with.”
“And if it’s not?”
Hugo was silent for a while as he thought of his answer. “Well, I don’t know much about it as my aunt’s illness was discovered in her teens; way before I was born. But I read somewhere that if people have been through something very traumatic - for example war or torture - they sometimes create a second persona, a stronger persona, to protect themselves to be able to live with what happened to them.”
It could be it. In a way he hoped it wasn’t so for it would mean Viggo had gone through something terrible; something so agonising he had seen no other way than this to survive. Yet somehow he still preferred that explanation than to admit the man he had so admired was a man who was cruelly and coldly able to abuse the love Sean so eagerly and freely bestowed upon him. It was a possible explanation he couldn’t ignore. He had to help Viggo and somehow, by helping him, maybe he could also heal his own damaged soul. He had to try. “Hugo, you’re brilliant!” Karl said happily and slapped his back before he rose and quickly went towards Orlando.
“Of course I am,” Hugo teased as he looked after him but then mumbled to himself, “Why am I brilliant this time?”
“Come,” Karl said as soon as he reached Orlando, putting a hand on his arm, eager to take him away.
“Where are we going?” Orlando asked, easily letting himself be guided away, leaving the pool cue by the table. The warm twinge in his stomach when Karl touched him, even like this, was still new and indescribable to him.
“What about our game?” Dom asked after him.
“I’ll give a round tomorrow. Have to go,” Orlando replied over his shoulder. Karl’s arm came around his waist and Orlando felt his cheeks heat up in pleasure at the protective yet also affectionate gesture. He fought the feeling and repeated in his mind that Karl was just a friend. Nothing more. Just a friend.
“I just spoke with Hugo and I’ve got an idea!” Karl said excited as they exited the bar. Karl hadn’t noticed how naturally his arm had laid itself around Orlando’s waist as he guided him through the pub. He didn’t notice either how everyone in the pub had turned to watch the handsome pair and the whispered speculations in regard to the affectionate gesture.
Orlando didn’t notice how naturally he leaned into Karl’s touch as he looked up at the bigger man to reply, “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
* * *
“Do you want to talk about it?” Liv asked softly as she placed a hot cup of tea in front of Sean on the kitchen table. To try and keep busy and escape his ever more confusing thoughts Sean had worked a little in the garden that was attached to the small house Liv had rented. When she had come up behind him and reached out a hand to touch him to ask him if he wanted to have dinner soon as the sun had started to set he had instinctively drawn away from her. He had had a fearful expression on his face as if he dreaded she would hurt him when he had turned to face her. He had quickly recovered when he had seen it was her but for a few seconds Liv had seen naked fear reflected in the depths of his green eyes and it had torn her heart to pieces.
“How can I make you feel safe when I jump even at you?” Sean asked miserably, not looking at her as she seated herself opposite him. “Bloody twat!” he cursed at himself.
“It takes time,” Liv said softly and only with great effort did she prevent herself from reaching for him and offer comfort through touch. He was not ready for that yet. The last 3 days had not been easy; Sean’s separation from Viggo tore at him and he was still fighting a growing awareness that something wasn’t right in his relationship. An unexpected complication had been Sean’s medication. Apparently Viggo had given him strong painkillers for some time after an event Sean didn’t want to talk about but which Liv could easily guess at. The pills had not only taken away his pain but had also helped ease his nerves and calm the chaos within his soul. Now, without Viggo and going into the third day without any of the constants his life had been built upon since his relationship with Viggo had started, his thoughts, fears and frustration was taking its toll on him. He couldn’t eat, sleep or relax. He was constantly on edge and uncertain. He would have left last night if not his promise to stay with her till Ian and Craig returned from their supposed vacation had made him stay put. According to their story they returned home tomorrow and Liv wasn’t sure Sean was ready to separate from Viggo. As it was Sean would bring up the subject of him contacting Viggo almost hourly.
As if he had read her mind Sean mumbled, “I should also contact Viggo. Let him know I’m coming home tomorrow.”
“He’s doing some shots some distance from here. No need to disturb him. He knows,” Liv calmed him. Having lived so closely with Sean for these past few days she had really started to understand how thoroughly Viggo had managed to break him. He seemed to constantly seek permission before doing anything and was helpful and agreeing with her to a degree which had clearly been learnt through painful experience. She knew she couldn’t make him unlearn these responses in a few days and she also knew she couldn’t force a clear opinion out of him so she gave him whatever space and peace of mind she could by repeating he could ask for anything he wanted but still took the daily decisions from what to eat to what to do during the day when those decisions seemed too much for him in the state he was in. The only good thing about the submissive behaviour Sean had leant was that he seemed to believe her lies easily enough; something she wasn’t sure she was all that comfortable with. She had hoped their deceit would pay off but now she felt they had severely underestimated the damage done to Sean’s mental balance and spirit. Her only hope now was that the chaos in his mind from the separation and the total absence of the painkillers which Viggo had kept and only gave him when he felt it was needed, was enough to push Sean just far enough for him to agree to prolong his separation from Viggo.
“It took almost a month for my nightmares to stop…for the anxiety attacks to end and for me to stop flinching at loud voices. Even today I have trouble dealing with confrontations,” Liv said into the stillness of the kitchen. During Sean’s stay Liv had told him bits and pieces of her own experience with being in an abusive relationship. It had more been mental than physical abuse and the relationship had luckily not lasted long; barely two months time. What she had gone through could in no way be compared to what she had glimpsed Sean had gone through but she thought maybe her honesty could help him. She hadn’t drawn the comparison to his relationship with Viggo; he needed to do that himself. Sean didn’t reply to her words; he merely stared into his teacup, a thoughtful and pained expression on his face.
Suddenly Liv’s cell phone rang. “Excuse me,” she said and rose to pick it up from the table near the sink where she had put it earlier.
Before she had time to say anything Ian’s voice rang out loud and clear, “Viggo is on the way to your house. I’m following him. He will be there in a few minutes.”
Liv’s heart rate escalated and she cast a worried look at Sean who looked confused back at her, not understanding what was happening. “What shall I do?”
“Stay put. I’m coming,” Ian said, his voice strong and reassuring before he hung up.
With a shake of her head Liv pulled herself together and put the phone back on the table. There was nothing to be afraid of. She was letting old demons come back to life.
“What’s wrong?” Sean asked concerned and rose to stand beside her.
“Viggo is coming for a visit,” she said with a forced smile, trying for a calm and reassuring tone.
“Here? Now?” Sean’s face reflected a chaos of joy and fear which clearly showed the complexity which was the key to his strong bond to Viggo for good and for bad.
Liv nodded. “Yes.”
She had barely spoken before a knock on the front door sounded and managed to scare both of them. Gathering her posture before Sean she cast him a calming smile before she went from the kitchen to open the door. As she did so she was surprised at Viggo’s appearance. He seemed tired and worn as if he had been deeply worried and troubled for days. However, it was his eyes which surprised her. His eyes were red and bloodshot but above all they were warm and friendly, reflecting only warmth, care and worry. No hints of anger or darkness were visible. Unknown to her Sean’s absence had forced the Alter to retreat but the Alter had not wanted to let go entirely. The result had been a confused battle for dominance which had taken its toll on Viggo.
“Liv. Good to see you,” Viggo said with a tired but warm smile. His winning manners calmed her nerves and fears and she sidestepped to let him in but didn’t close the door. She could see Ian approaching with calm but strong steps and this fact drove away the last of her fears. “I heard some of the extras mention they had seen Sean around your house yesterday. Is he here now?” Viggo asked as soon as he was indoors. He looked searchingly around and Liv noticed that his hands seemed to be shaking slightly and he looked pale and was walking carefully as if he was exhausted and weak both mentally and physically. He didn’t seem like he had eaten or slept much since Sean had moved in with her. Despite her mantra not to forget the cruel monster which lived inside this man who had hurt Sean so terribly, she found herself feeling sorry for him.
“I’m here,” Sean said softly and flashed a nervous but warm smile at his lover as he appeared in the entrance on the other side of the living room. The living room was the first room one entered when walking into the house and it had a door leading directly to the kitchen.
“Thank God you’re here!” Viggo said with a deep sigh of relief as if he had been gone for ages. Before anyone could react he had almost run to Sean, a warm smile on his face. He reached for him and Sean instinctively made a small fearful protective gesture until he found himself being pulled into a warm and tight embrace. All tension left Sean then and he let himself be held, returning the embrace wholeheartedly.
“I thought I had lost you,” Viggo mumbled as he held Sean close, one arm around his back and the other pulling his golden head close to his shoulder.
“You will never lose me,” Sean assured him, smiling in happiness at the warmth and love he was feeling coming off Viggo in waves. In this moment he didn’t remember anything else but how good it felt to feel safe and loved again. Finally his world made sense again. Viggo was here now; that was all that mattered.
“Viggo,” Ian’s calm voice made Viggo draw back from Sean and turn around to face him. Sean hesitantly reached for Viggo’s nearest hand, not ready to be let go again so quickly. Viggo took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze as they both turned to face Ian and Liv, standing side by side. Liv had closed the door and stood at Ian’s side.
“Ian,” Viggo acknowledged and he seemed more composed now. A little less emotional, a little colder. “I thought you said…” he began but then paused and a flash of pain ran over his features, stopping his words. “What was I saying?” Viggo mumbled confused. What was going on? Unknown to him the Alter was fighting inside his mind and memories were being pushed back and forth in rapid succession as the two main personas fought for control of his body.
“Viggo, we need to talk,” Ian began in a calm voice and approached him slowly.
“Ian!” Craig came through the front door which Liv had left unlocked and closed it after himself, quickly scanning for and locating his older lover and the panic and fear on his face gave way to relief. He had been with Ian when they had seen Viggo approach the house. Ian had asked Craig to wait for him outside but Craig had become worried. In his relief at seeing Ian and the situation seemly under control Craig almost broke into a run towards Ian. Viggo instantly seemed to tense up and his eyes took on a darker look. His grip on Sean became harder, stronger….More possessive and less protective. The grip became painful enough on Sean to force a pained grimace to appear on his face but he didn’t try to draw back nor did he protest.
Ian noticed Viggo’s reaction and reached out an arm to stop Craig’s approach. “Stay behind me,” Ian ordered, sparing his young lover only a brief but warm look. Confused but willing to trust Ian with anything Craig nodded and did as asked, staying just behind the older man. He put both hands around one of Ian’s arms, leaning in close, feeling reassured, protected and loved by having this contact.
Viggo gave Sean’s hand a painful and harsh pull which had Sean fighting to keep his position and not move with the force of the pull. “You cannot have him. He’s mine. My angel. Mine!” Viggo said with an angry snarl to Ian after a brief look at Craig had assured him that Ian was the only real threat in the room, having dismissed Liv as a potential threat from the beginning. The Alter had come to the front and was fighting to regain control of the situation. The last few days had weakened the line between the two personas and it became harder and harder for the Alter to stay in complete control for any longer period of time.
“He means no harm. Please, let’s just leave and….” Sean began in a quiet voice, looking almost desperately at Viggo, trying to calm the situation. The warmth, protection and love from just moments before had now been replaced by discomfort, fear and uncertainty.
“Quiet! I’ll deal with you later,” Viggo threatened and fastened him with a cold look which made Sean’s heart freeze to ice and fear made sweat appear on his forehead. He fell silent at once, trying to become as small and still as he could in hope it would calm some of the rage which was radiating off Viggo like angry tongues of fire.
“You can’t…” Liv begun to protest, desperate to prevent Sean from suffering any more pain and humiliation at Viggo’s hands.
Her words were cut short when Karl entered, breathing heavily from having run from the car to the house. Orlando appeared right on his heels. Karl’s appearance made Sean look even more frightened than before if that was possible. His reaction cut at Karl’s heart but also made him even more determined to change things once and for all.
While Karl froze in his tracks, taking in the scene and trying to decide what to do next Orlando acted instinctively and with his heart. “Sean!” Orlando called out and Sean couldn’t help but respond with a warm smile for his friend which didn’t go unnoticed by Viggo. Without thinking Orlando went directly towards him, his compassion and fear for Sean’s safety making him forget the fear he had fought since his last encounter with Viggo.
“Stay away!” Viggo roared, something close to desperation and beginning hysteria in his voice as Orlando purposefully went towards Sean and to do so was forced to pass by him first. Seeing the verbal order had no effect Viggo raised his free hand for a stroke. In this moment the Alter saw Orlando as a threat; one he needed to take care of at once. It was a kill or be killed instinct. Orlando saw the hit coming and made a small noise and a protective gesture by raising his right hand in front of his face but knew he couldn’t deflect the blow. Sean, Ian, Craig and Liv all voiced a word or two of protest but it all happened too fast for any of them to even try and move towards him. However, Karl had moved with Orlando almost as soon as he had started towards Sean. The hit never fell. Karl caught Viggo’s hand in an iron grip and forced it down.
“There has been enough pain. No more. Don’t let it end like this. Not like this, my friend,” Karl said strongly but calmly, his voice filled with pained understanding from his conversation with Hugo.
Viggo tore his arm free and his eyes shot fire at him and for the first time ever the Alter knew fear. “How dare you touch me? Never touch me!”
“Viggo, this is not you,” Karl said in a calm voice after he had made sure Orlando seemed alright and stayed behind him. “Think. Would you ever hit Orlando?” Karl nodded towards the young man who remained where he was and was no longer trying to reach for Viggo or Sean. Orlando was taking a few deep breaths but was recovering his posture after the near hit quickly. The look he gave Karl had more than gratitude and warmth in it; it reflected a beginning affection he had yet to fully understand.
Viggo cast a look from Karl to Orlando and some of the ice melted from his eyes. “I…” he started but then hesitated. Unknown to him the Alter was losing his hold on him as the very foundation for what both the Alter and Viggo himself was based on started to crumble.
“Would you ever hurt Sean?” Karl went on, his voice softer now, hoping to be able to defuse the situation by reaching the persona which would never do so.
“He’s my angel. He has to be,” Viggo mumbled, his mind becoming increasingly confused and muddy as splinters of past events threatened to appear and disappear without reason and without making any sense to him.
Viggo seemed torn now, confused, and Karl felt this was his chance. “Would you ever hit him?” he persisted.
“No. Of course not,” Viggo denied, confusion at the question clear in his voice and expression. With the reply more of the anger seemed to fade from his posture and eyes as the Alter retreated even further.
“Sean, take of your shirt,” Karl asked softly, giving him only the briefest of glances since he knew his presence made the other man uneasy. He made the words strong enough to make it clear he expected to be obeyed but kind enough so not to scare him further. He wished he didn’t have to ask Sean this but he needed to be sure; they all needed to be sure, that his theory of Dissociative Identity Disorder truly could fit Viggo’s case. To know for sure he needed to know there was a persona of Viggo which would never harm his lover.
“I don’t…” Sean hesitated, not sure what to do now. The last three days had weakened him mentally and physically and he was desperate for direction. He felt lost. He looked to Viggo who didn’t reply, a confused and far away look in his eyes. When Sean tested his grip on his hand Viggo easily let him go. The gesture made Sean feel suddenly cold and alone.
“Sean, please,” Karl persisted and Sean, as he had become used to, obeyed. Blushing and looking down in embarrassment he unbuttoned his shirt and took it of. His chest had a few faded scars and bruises but nothing clearly out of the ordinary for an active and hands on man like Sean. “Turn around, please,” Karl asked softly, compassion in his voice though he stayed strong, feeling he had to. This was too important a moment for him to break down. Turning an even deeper red Sean did so and showed Viggo and by association all of them his back. His back was decorated with a series of fine white scars in a clear and easily recognisable pattern. The scars from the whipping would fade in time and become less visible but right now they were a network of fine white scars that spoke of an ocean of pain. Everyone tried to avoid looking yet everyone did and quickly had to look away again at seeing this undeniable evidence of Sean’s suffering. Liv’s eyes filled with tears at the sight and Craig moved into Ian’s arms and Ian easily pulled him into a strong and secure embrace, mumbling soft words of comfort while he kept his eyes on Viggo in case his earlier rage reappeared. Orlando’s lips became a thin line of determination that he would get Sean away from Viggo tonight and Karl’s reaction mirrored Orlando’s; somehow this had to end tonight. Otherwise there would be no going back for any of them.
“My God!” Viggo took in a deep breath in horror when he saw Sean’s back and the rest of the darkness melted from his voice and posture. Sean turned back around and begun to button his shirt up, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor, embarrassment, confusion and loneliness so strong it felt like physical pain tearing at him. There was dead silence in the room.
“You don’t remember, do you?” Karl asked softly, now fully convinced Viggo suffered from Dissociative Identity Disorder. The persona he was speaking to now was clearly not the one who had hurt Sean. Viggo might be a great actor but someone who could hurt Sean so severely would not have the calm to respond like this when confronted with the result of his fury; Karl was sure of it.
Viggo shook his head, torn between disbelief, disgust, horror, dread and compassion over what he had just seen. His eyes went from Sean to Karl. “That’s sick. I would never hurt anyone; especially not Sean. How in the world can you imply it could be me?”
“Because it was you,” Karl insisted softly, quietly, stating it as a fact.
Viggo shook his head insistently, looking both shocked and compassionately from Sean - who still kept his eyes lowered to the floor - and back to Karl. “No. No. I would never do this.”
“Viggo…” Sean began softly, confused and unsure what to do. Seeing Viggo like this, so insecure, so confused and tormented, seemed unreal; like watching a God fall to earth. He moved a hand as if to try and touch him but Viggo’s earlier threat made the movement freeze midair and he withdrew his hand.
Viggo looked briefly at him, noticing the hand which never reached him. “Don’t,” Viggo said in an agonized tone and now he was the one who was fixating his eyes on the floor. “If I hurt you in any way I am sorry. I love you…I cannot hurt you…I cannot.” His voice died out as a sob threatened to destroy his sentence. His always active mind conjured up images of ways he could have hurt Sean for his back to look like this; all of them would make the attacker - him - a monster. He hadn’t done this. He hadn’t!
“Viggo, please…I…It…it doesn’t hurt. It’s okay,” Sean began softly, tears coming to his eyes as his soul was being torn in a million directions. He wished to ease Viggo’s distress, to say sorry, to do something to make everything ok but unsure how to do so. He felt horribly lost. Again he was to reach for him but again he stopped himself, caught between love and fear he was unsure how to proceed.
“Don’t. Please,” Viggo said softly, a look of confused pain on his face as his eyes met Sean’s. “If this is true - if I hurt you like this - I deserve nothing but your hate and contempt.”
Sean shook his head, refusing to think about how he had been hurt, pushing it away. It hadn’t happened. He didn’t want it to have happened. “You will never have either,” Sean assured him, his voice filled with warmth, certainty and a clear desire for Viggo to feel better. Even an angry Viggo was easier for Sean to deal with than a remorseful and uncertain one. At least he knew what to expect from Viggo when he was angry; this mood of Viggo’s was new to him and he didn’t know how he was supposed to act and that scared him worse than the prospect of going home with Viggo and facing whatever punishment was sure to come for his brief stay with Liv. He knew he should have called him. He knew he shouldn’t have come here yet he had had to; he couldn’t have left Liv all alone.
Viggo felt like a knife had been thrown at his heart as he heard Sean’s words and saw his love and uncertainty yet also his fear in his eyes. He reached out a hand at Sean and it was only with great effort Sean didn’t move away yet Viggo noticed the tension in him easily. He stroked his cheek tenderly, regretfully and Sean leaned into the touch eagerly. Then he drew back his hand. “I wish I did. Then maybe I could bear it if this is a truth I have to live with,” he whispered softly, his voice filled with agony. There were memories, terrible memories, tearing at the edges of his consciousness. Memories which couldn’t be true, which weren’t his….couldn’t be his.
“I…I don’t know what to say. What shall I do? Please…” Sean admitted softly, confused, fighting back tears. He was used to having Viggo decide everything and having full control over what he wanted from him. He didn’t know what to do now when Viggo didn’t seem to know what he wanted from him.
Viggo’s tear-filled and guilt-ridden eyes held his. “If this is true…I would ask your forgiveness but I have no right to,” he said softly, his voice filled with regret and sorrow. Somehow…somehow a horrible truth was near. An abyss was opening and he had no salvation. His angel had disappeared. Again he was alone.
Karl saw the shattering of two souls and knew they could never heal together; there was too much damage and too much pain between them. “Viggo, come. Let’s…” Karl began and made a guiding gesture towards Viggo, wishing to guide him to another room so they could try and form a plan of attack for each man individually so each got the help they needed.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!” Viggo pulled away from Karl as if burned. He took a hand to his head and grimaced in pain as even more memories - some recent and some many years old - of fear, pain and horror threatened to surface. He couldn’t have hurt Sean this badly; he couldn’t have tortured him so callously. He wasn’t such a man. He wasn’t! “I didn’t do this!” he yelled at Karl, at the others, at himself. Before anyone could react he broke into a wild run, escaping out of the house and into the beginning darkness in hope of escaping the chaos of his mind.
“Viggo,” Ian called after him with concern in his voice and Craig moved a little out of his embrace but Viggo ran past him without really seeing him.
Karl looked at the open front door and Viggo’s disappearing figure outside with a concerned frown; this was getting out of hand. He turned his attention back to Orlando who had remained at his side through the entire debate and was now looking at him with worried eyes. “Take care of Sean. I’ll go get Viggo,” Karl said to him, laying a reassuring hand on his arm.
Orlando nodded, casting a look at Sean who looked confused, lost, insecure and horribly miserable as if his entire world had just ended. Maybe it had. “I will.”
“Maybe I should go after him,” Sean said softly to himself as he looked after Viggo, wanting to help Viggo in any way he could but unsure what to do. He felt cold and alone; so very alone.
“Don’t,” Orlando said gently, trying to ease the anxiety and loss he saw in Sean’s eyes. “He needs to figure this out on his own.”
“Everything is so confusing,” Sean admitted quietly, his eyes on Orlando wide and almost pleading with him to put his world right again; to let it make sense again. All the rules which had been forced upon him, which he had so painfully learnt had suddenly been pulled away, leaving him without direction and guidance. He looked out after where Viggo had disappeared and pain stronger than anything he had ever felt filled his heart and threatened to force him to his knees. He was alone now. He was lost. So very lost.
Orlando’s heart swelled with compassion and not knowing what else to say or do Orlando went to him. With careful hands, making sure not to make any sudden movements, he laid a calming hand on Sean’s forearm and stroked softly as he simply said, “It will be alright. Everything will be alright.” He knew he was making promises he had no control over. He just hoped that though his promise in reality was a hope then it would still come true. He vowed then and there he would help Sean through this. There was a long road ahead filled with remembered pain and fear but step by step, little by little…somehow he would help him mend. No matter what; he would heal his friend’s broken soul.
Seeing Sean was in good hands Karl broke into a run after Viggo and soon spotted him. He had fallen to his knees on the edge of Liv’s front garden and was sitting there staring into nothingness in the beginning darkness. Karl slowed down and approached him gradually.
“I have never had a temper. I have never harmed anyone,” Viggo said softly, to himself or to Karl he wasn’t sure but he still replied.
“I know,” Karl said in the same soft tone of voice. He stopped right beside Viggo and knelt beside him but kept some distance between them and didn’t try to touch him.
They sat in silence like that for a long time; it could have been minutes or an hour. Then Viggo spoke again, “Mom always used to say an angel would protect me. It never did.”
Karl knew something was breaking before his eyes and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. He had wondered if something horrible had happened to Viggo in his childhood; now it seemed he would get his answer. The question might just be if he was strong enough to know anything about an event so horrible Viggo had needed to create a second persona to live with it. “Why not?” he asked softly in a soothing tone of voice, hoping that by keeping him talking he would calm down.
“I’m bad. Very bad,” Viggo whispered pained, his eyes staring straight ahead into the past, caught up in a darkness he had never really escaped. When he turned to face Karl tears were running silently down his cheeks and fear was in his eyes. “Please…I will do better. I promise I will. Please.”
Karl found himself having trouble speaking as emotions of compassion and shared pain swelled up in him. “It’s ok,” he said softly, not knowing what else to do and afraid to reach out and offer physical contact as comfort.
Viggo didn’t seem to hear or see him as the fear and pain in his eyes and face intensified. “No more. Please no more. I promise I will be good. Please…please no more,” he pleaded with him, his voice frightened and heartfelt.
It was a boy’s voice, a frightened boy Karl wished more than he had ever wished for anything in his entire life he could have saved. He would give anything to have been able to spare Viggo such pain and agony as what he was reliving now. “There will be no more pain. I promise you. Whatever it takes…I will help you kill these demons.” He reached out now, making sure Viggo could see his hands, making sure he was moving slowly and not making any threatening moves. Viggo almost fell into his embrace the way a boy would his mother’s arms, tears stealing his voice.
“I won’t tell. I promise. I won’t tell,” Viggo mumbled between sobs against Karl’s shoulder as he clung to him for dear life. “Our secret…won’t tell.”
“Schhh. It’s over now. The chaos will end. Schh. Just relax. Let go now. Let go. Nothing can harm you now,” Karl promised and held him close. Viggo kept clinging to him like a drowning man a life west and Karl held him close in a protective yet loose embrace so the other man wouldn’t feel trapped. Karl vowed then and there that whatever it took, whatever happened…he would help Viggo through this - whatever this was. Somehow.
TBC
Author's notes: Finally a new chapter. As always sorry for the long wait. Real life is being a bitch.
So...this is a turning point in this (very long) story. I would love to hear what you think and what you want to see happen next. I am not a psychologist so please take all references to this field with consideration to this. :)
Thanks so much as always to everyone who has stuck with me. It means the world to me and keeps me writing. So, yes...feedback does work. 'grins'
That said...I would love it if you left a small comment…it would mean so much to me. Thank you. ‘hugs’
Quick recap: Ian, Craig, Orli, Liv, Karl and Dave got Sean to move in with Liv for a few days by claiming she needed his protection. At the same time Karl and Orlando became closer.
Warnings, disclaimer and more for this story can be read in part 1.
This is for everyone who did not give up on this story. *hugs* A special thanks to the people who e-mailed me and asked for more BP; you made me finish this chapter.
As always a special thanks to BlueKat for everything.
Please read Part 1-16 of Breaking Point here:
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=alexabond&keyword=Breaking+Point+SB/VM+novel/long+fic&filter=all
The lovely story banner is by BlueKat, modified by me.
Part 17
Karl sat by the bar in the pub most of the actors frequented after a long day of shooting, a beer in his hand, a thoughtful look on his face. It had been 3 days since Sean had gone to Liv’s place and they hadn’t been easy. To not scare him only Liv and on occasion Ian and Craig had talked with him; the latter two only over the phone as they were supposed to be out of town. In reality they had stayed close in case Liv needed them. To everyone’s relief yet also puzzlement Viggo hadn’t tried to seek him out. Liv had done her part well and had kept Sean busy with her in the house to prevent him from meeting Viggo on set. Sean didn’t have any more scenes to shot and Liv had only a few but those would have to wait till the props were set up. Dave, Karl and Orlando had received their news about Sean’s progress from Ian and Craig. Like a small child or scared animal, was the words Ian used to describe Sean in a grim voice. Karl had wanted nothing more than to seek him out, apologize, but he knew it was far too early for that. So he kept his distance. These days he tried hard not to brood over what he had done but the thought was always close by, like a dark ghost waiting to ensnare him. His dark mood was instantly broken when Orlando waved at him, a sunshine smile on his handsome face, from across the room. He was playing pool with the Hobbits and seemed to be enjoying the game immensely. Karl wasn’t even aware of it but when he saw Orlando’s gesture his expression softened and his spirits lifted as he waved back at him.
“Mind if I sit down?” Hugo asked, forcing Karl to turn his attention away from Orlando, unaware he was still holding a soft look on his face and a fond smile was curving his lips. Hugo didn’t comment on it but there was a knowing look in his eyes.
“Sure,” Karl replied and made a little more room.
Hugo put his beer on the bar in front of him and sat on the stool beside Karl. “Of all the places to wait for your shots this one isn’t bad,” the older man commented with a smile as he drank from his beer. Like Liv he was waiting for the props to be put in place before he could do the rest of his scenes.
Karl nodded. “It’s a beautiful country.”
“And beautiful people,” Hugo commented with a smile and nodded towards where Orlando and the Hobbits were fooling around, caught up in their playful competition.
Karl turned to watch Orlando who was focused on taking a shoot and therefore didn’t see it. The young man looked as beautiful as an angel and for Karl that symbolism had become almost literal; Orlando’s warmth, support and care was slowly but surely dragging him further and further away from the darkness that had been about to swallow him whole. He still had a long way to go but he also knew that in the darkness of his heart and mind Orlando was the light. “Yeah,” Karl agreed with a smile before he turned back to Hugo.
“I haven’t seen Viggo and Sean for a while,” Hugo went on, only slight worry in his voice.
Karl instantly stiffened, uncomfortable with debating the sensitive issue with someone who, in regard to this, was an outsider. “Viggo has a lot of very demanding shots. He probably called it a night.”
“Hmm,” Hugo merely said, nodding agreement. His eyes became clouded and he mumbled into his beer, “Maybe it’s just sleep he’s lacking.”
Karl frowned, having caught the comment. “What do you mean?”
Hugo put his beer back on the bar. “Hasn’t he seemed…different somehow to you?” He asked and looked intensely at him, questioning, searching.
“How different?” Karl asked carefully.
“One minute thoughtful, helpful, kind….artistic. The next dominating, territorial…almost aggressive,” Hugo paused before he added, “in particular around Sean.”
Karl frowned and nodded. “Yes. That’s true,” he agreed. He had been so busy seeing Viggo’s change to the worse, in particular around Sean that he had forgotten that Hugo was right; at times he did again act the way he had when Karl had first befriended him and considered him almost like a brother.
“He reminds me of my aunt Anna,” Hugo went on with a thoughtful and far away look of bittersweet memories in his eyes.
“What happened to her?” Karl asked, intrigued despite his normal policy to respect others’ privacy as he wanted them to respect his.
“She had a split personality disorder...or Dissociative Identity Disorder I think is the professional term. She had four different personalities.”
“Four?!” Karl tried to absorb this news. “And Viggo’s behaviour is similar?”
Hugo nodded. “Yes. Well, only when she was off her medication of course.”
Karl drew strength for those words. If this could be what had caused Viggo’s change there was hope; hope for them all. “So there is a cure?” He tried not to sound too eager but still leaned closer to Hugo, hanging on his lips for his next words.
Hugo nodded but then explained further, “Well, not a cure pro say but there is medication which will repress the other personalities.”
“And the person will be…well? Like before?” Karl asked eagerly, now not able to contain the hope in his eyes and voice.
Hugo nodded, a little puzzled as to where from Karl’s clear interest in the subject came. “Yes. As long as they take their medication there should be no problem. My aunt always seemed perfectly fine whenever she was on her medications.”
Karl tried hard to contain his excitement. The thought that Viggo might be ill, he wasn’t really cruel, he wasn’t truly mean to Sean…somehow that made everything better in his mind. He couldn’t really explain it but it would mean Viggo really wasn’t to blame…unless of course he on purpose hadn’t taken his medication. “Isn’t these things discovered in childhood?” Karl asked, trying to dampen his hopes.
“Often, if it’s something the person is born with.”
“And if it’s not?”
Hugo was silent for a while as he thought of his answer. “Well, I don’t know much about it as my aunt’s illness was discovered in her teens; way before I was born. But I read somewhere that if people have been through something very traumatic - for example war or torture - they sometimes create a second persona, a stronger persona, to protect themselves to be able to live with what happened to them.”
It could be it. In a way he hoped it wasn’t so for it would mean Viggo had gone through something terrible; something so agonising he had seen no other way than this to survive. Yet somehow he still preferred that explanation than to admit the man he had so admired was a man who was cruelly and coldly able to abuse the love Sean so eagerly and freely bestowed upon him. It was a possible explanation he couldn’t ignore. He had to help Viggo and somehow, by helping him, maybe he could also heal his own damaged soul. He had to try. “Hugo, you’re brilliant!” Karl said happily and slapped his back before he rose and quickly went towards Orlando.
“Of course I am,” Hugo teased as he looked after him but then mumbled to himself, “Why am I brilliant this time?”
“Come,” Karl said as soon as he reached Orlando, putting a hand on his arm, eager to take him away.
“Where are we going?” Orlando asked, easily letting himself be guided away, leaving the pool cue by the table. The warm twinge in his stomach when Karl touched him, even like this, was still new and indescribable to him.
“What about our game?” Dom asked after him.
“I’ll give a round tomorrow. Have to go,” Orlando replied over his shoulder. Karl’s arm came around his waist and Orlando felt his cheeks heat up in pleasure at the protective yet also affectionate gesture. He fought the feeling and repeated in his mind that Karl was just a friend. Nothing more. Just a friend.
“I just spoke with Hugo and I’ve got an idea!” Karl said excited as they exited the bar. Karl hadn’t noticed how naturally his arm had laid itself around Orlando’s waist as he guided him through the pub. He didn’t notice either how everyone in the pub had turned to watch the handsome pair and the whispered speculations in regard to the affectionate gesture.
Orlando didn’t notice how naturally he leaned into Karl’s touch as he looked up at the bigger man to reply, “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
* * *
“Do you want to talk about it?” Liv asked softly as she placed a hot cup of tea in front of Sean on the kitchen table. To try and keep busy and escape his ever more confusing thoughts Sean had worked a little in the garden that was attached to the small house Liv had rented. When she had come up behind him and reached out a hand to touch him to ask him if he wanted to have dinner soon as the sun had started to set he had instinctively drawn away from her. He had had a fearful expression on his face as if he dreaded she would hurt him when he had turned to face her. He had quickly recovered when he had seen it was her but for a few seconds Liv had seen naked fear reflected in the depths of his green eyes and it had torn her heart to pieces.
“How can I make you feel safe when I jump even at you?” Sean asked miserably, not looking at her as she seated herself opposite him. “Bloody twat!” he cursed at himself.
“It takes time,” Liv said softly and only with great effort did she prevent herself from reaching for him and offer comfort through touch. He was not ready for that yet. The last 3 days had not been easy; Sean’s separation from Viggo tore at him and he was still fighting a growing awareness that something wasn’t right in his relationship. An unexpected complication had been Sean’s medication. Apparently Viggo had given him strong painkillers for some time after an event Sean didn’t want to talk about but which Liv could easily guess at. The pills had not only taken away his pain but had also helped ease his nerves and calm the chaos within his soul. Now, without Viggo and going into the third day without any of the constants his life had been built upon since his relationship with Viggo had started, his thoughts, fears and frustration was taking its toll on him. He couldn’t eat, sleep or relax. He was constantly on edge and uncertain. He would have left last night if not his promise to stay with her till Ian and Craig returned from their supposed vacation had made him stay put. According to their story they returned home tomorrow and Liv wasn’t sure Sean was ready to separate from Viggo. As it was Sean would bring up the subject of him contacting Viggo almost hourly.
As if he had read her mind Sean mumbled, “I should also contact Viggo. Let him know I’m coming home tomorrow.”
“He’s doing some shots some distance from here. No need to disturb him. He knows,” Liv calmed him. Having lived so closely with Sean for these past few days she had really started to understand how thoroughly Viggo had managed to break him. He seemed to constantly seek permission before doing anything and was helpful and agreeing with her to a degree which had clearly been learnt through painful experience. She knew she couldn’t make him unlearn these responses in a few days and she also knew she couldn’t force a clear opinion out of him so she gave him whatever space and peace of mind she could by repeating he could ask for anything he wanted but still took the daily decisions from what to eat to what to do during the day when those decisions seemed too much for him in the state he was in. The only good thing about the submissive behaviour Sean had leant was that he seemed to believe her lies easily enough; something she wasn’t sure she was all that comfortable with. She had hoped their deceit would pay off but now she felt they had severely underestimated the damage done to Sean’s mental balance and spirit. Her only hope now was that the chaos in his mind from the separation and the total absence of the painkillers which Viggo had kept and only gave him when he felt it was needed, was enough to push Sean just far enough for him to agree to prolong his separation from Viggo.
“It took almost a month for my nightmares to stop…for the anxiety attacks to end and for me to stop flinching at loud voices. Even today I have trouble dealing with confrontations,” Liv said into the stillness of the kitchen. During Sean’s stay Liv had told him bits and pieces of her own experience with being in an abusive relationship. It had more been mental than physical abuse and the relationship had luckily not lasted long; barely two months time. What she had gone through could in no way be compared to what she had glimpsed Sean had gone through but she thought maybe her honesty could help him. She hadn’t drawn the comparison to his relationship with Viggo; he needed to do that himself. Sean didn’t reply to her words; he merely stared into his teacup, a thoughtful and pained expression on his face.
Suddenly Liv’s cell phone rang. “Excuse me,” she said and rose to pick it up from the table near the sink where she had put it earlier.
Before she had time to say anything Ian’s voice rang out loud and clear, “Viggo is on the way to your house. I’m following him. He will be there in a few minutes.”
Liv’s heart rate escalated and she cast a worried look at Sean who looked confused back at her, not understanding what was happening. “What shall I do?”
“Stay put. I’m coming,” Ian said, his voice strong and reassuring before he hung up.
With a shake of her head Liv pulled herself together and put the phone back on the table. There was nothing to be afraid of. She was letting old demons come back to life.
“What’s wrong?” Sean asked concerned and rose to stand beside her.
“Viggo is coming for a visit,” she said with a forced smile, trying for a calm and reassuring tone.
“Here? Now?” Sean’s face reflected a chaos of joy and fear which clearly showed the complexity which was the key to his strong bond to Viggo for good and for bad.
Liv nodded. “Yes.”
She had barely spoken before a knock on the front door sounded and managed to scare both of them. Gathering her posture before Sean she cast him a calming smile before she went from the kitchen to open the door. As she did so she was surprised at Viggo’s appearance. He seemed tired and worn as if he had been deeply worried and troubled for days. However, it was his eyes which surprised her. His eyes were red and bloodshot but above all they were warm and friendly, reflecting only warmth, care and worry. No hints of anger or darkness were visible. Unknown to her Sean’s absence had forced the Alter to retreat but the Alter had not wanted to let go entirely. The result had been a confused battle for dominance which had taken its toll on Viggo.
“Liv. Good to see you,” Viggo said with a tired but warm smile. His winning manners calmed her nerves and fears and she sidestepped to let him in but didn’t close the door. She could see Ian approaching with calm but strong steps and this fact drove away the last of her fears. “I heard some of the extras mention they had seen Sean around your house yesterday. Is he here now?” Viggo asked as soon as he was indoors. He looked searchingly around and Liv noticed that his hands seemed to be shaking slightly and he looked pale and was walking carefully as if he was exhausted and weak both mentally and physically. He didn’t seem like he had eaten or slept much since Sean had moved in with her. Despite her mantra not to forget the cruel monster which lived inside this man who had hurt Sean so terribly, she found herself feeling sorry for him.
“I’m here,” Sean said softly and flashed a nervous but warm smile at his lover as he appeared in the entrance on the other side of the living room. The living room was the first room one entered when walking into the house and it had a door leading directly to the kitchen.
“Thank God you’re here!” Viggo said with a deep sigh of relief as if he had been gone for ages. Before anyone could react he had almost run to Sean, a warm smile on his face. He reached for him and Sean instinctively made a small fearful protective gesture until he found himself being pulled into a warm and tight embrace. All tension left Sean then and he let himself be held, returning the embrace wholeheartedly.
“I thought I had lost you,” Viggo mumbled as he held Sean close, one arm around his back and the other pulling his golden head close to his shoulder.
“You will never lose me,” Sean assured him, smiling in happiness at the warmth and love he was feeling coming off Viggo in waves. In this moment he didn’t remember anything else but how good it felt to feel safe and loved again. Finally his world made sense again. Viggo was here now; that was all that mattered.
“Viggo,” Ian’s calm voice made Viggo draw back from Sean and turn around to face him. Sean hesitantly reached for Viggo’s nearest hand, not ready to be let go again so quickly. Viggo took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze as they both turned to face Ian and Liv, standing side by side. Liv had closed the door and stood at Ian’s side.
“Ian,” Viggo acknowledged and he seemed more composed now. A little less emotional, a little colder. “I thought you said…” he began but then paused and a flash of pain ran over his features, stopping his words. “What was I saying?” Viggo mumbled confused. What was going on? Unknown to him the Alter was fighting inside his mind and memories were being pushed back and forth in rapid succession as the two main personas fought for control of his body.
“Viggo, we need to talk,” Ian began in a calm voice and approached him slowly.
“Ian!” Craig came through the front door which Liv had left unlocked and closed it after himself, quickly scanning for and locating his older lover and the panic and fear on his face gave way to relief. He had been with Ian when they had seen Viggo approach the house. Ian had asked Craig to wait for him outside but Craig had become worried. In his relief at seeing Ian and the situation seemly under control Craig almost broke into a run towards Ian. Viggo instantly seemed to tense up and his eyes took on a darker look. His grip on Sean became harder, stronger….More possessive and less protective. The grip became painful enough on Sean to force a pained grimace to appear on his face but he didn’t try to draw back nor did he protest.
Ian noticed Viggo’s reaction and reached out an arm to stop Craig’s approach. “Stay behind me,” Ian ordered, sparing his young lover only a brief but warm look. Confused but willing to trust Ian with anything Craig nodded and did as asked, staying just behind the older man. He put both hands around one of Ian’s arms, leaning in close, feeling reassured, protected and loved by having this contact.
Viggo gave Sean’s hand a painful and harsh pull which had Sean fighting to keep his position and not move with the force of the pull. “You cannot have him. He’s mine. My angel. Mine!” Viggo said with an angry snarl to Ian after a brief look at Craig had assured him that Ian was the only real threat in the room, having dismissed Liv as a potential threat from the beginning. The Alter had come to the front and was fighting to regain control of the situation. The last few days had weakened the line between the two personas and it became harder and harder for the Alter to stay in complete control for any longer period of time.
“He means no harm. Please, let’s just leave and….” Sean began in a quiet voice, looking almost desperately at Viggo, trying to calm the situation. The warmth, protection and love from just moments before had now been replaced by discomfort, fear and uncertainty.
“Quiet! I’ll deal with you later,” Viggo threatened and fastened him with a cold look which made Sean’s heart freeze to ice and fear made sweat appear on his forehead. He fell silent at once, trying to become as small and still as he could in hope it would calm some of the rage which was radiating off Viggo like angry tongues of fire.
“You can’t…” Liv begun to protest, desperate to prevent Sean from suffering any more pain and humiliation at Viggo’s hands.
Her words were cut short when Karl entered, breathing heavily from having run from the car to the house. Orlando appeared right on his heels. Karl’s appearance made Sean look even more frightened than before if that was possible. His reaction cut at Karl’s heart but also made him even more determined to change things once and for all.
While Karl froze in his tracks, taking in the scene and trying to decide what to do next Orlando acted instinctively and with his heart. “Sean!” Orlando called out and Sean couldn’t help but respond with a warm smile for his friend which didn’t go unnoticed by Viggo. Without thinking Orlando went directly towards him, his compassion and fear for Sean’s safety making him forget the fear he had fought since his last encounter with Viggo.
“Stay away!” Viggo roared, something close to desperation and beginning hysteria in his voice as Orlando purposefully went towards Sean and to do so was forced to pass by him first. Seeing the verbal order had no effect Viggo raised his free hand for a stroke. In this moment the Alter saw Orlando as a threat; one he needed to take care of at once. It was a kill or be killed instinct. Orlando saw the hit coming and made a small noise and a protective gesture by raising his right hand in front of his face but knew he couldn’t deflect the blow. Sean, Ian, Craig and Liv all voiced a word or two of protest but it all happened too fast for any of them to even try and move towards him. However, Karl had moved with Orlando almost as soon as he had started towards Sean. The hit never fell. Karl caught Viggo’s hand in an iron grip and forced it down.
“There has been enough pain. No more. Don’t let it end like this. Not like this, my friend,” Karl said strongly but calmly, his voice filled with pained understanding from his conversation with Hugo.
Viggo tore his arm free and his eyes shot fire at him and for the first time ever the Alter knew fear. “How dare you touch me? Never touch me!”
“Viggo, this is not you,” Karl said in a calm voice after he had made sure Orlando seemed alright and stayed behind him. “Think. Would you ever hit Orlando?” Karl nodded towards the young man who remained where he was and was no longer trying to reach for Viggo or Sean. Orlando was taking a few deep breaths but was recovering his posture after the near hit quickly. The look he gave Karl had more than gratitude and warmth in it; it reflected a beginning affection he had yet to fully understand.
Viggo cast a look from Karl to Orlando and some of the ice melted from his eyes. “I…” he started but then hesitated. Unknown to him the Alter was losing his hold on him as the very foundation for what both the Alter and Viggo himself was based on started to crumble.
“Would you ever hurt Sean?” Karl went on, his voice softer now, hoping to be able to defuse the situation by reaching the persona which would never do so.
“He’s my angel. He has to be,” Viggo mumbled, his mind becoming increasingly confused and muddy as splinters of past events threatened to appear and disappear without reason and without making any sense to him.
Viggo seemed torn now, confused, and Karl felt this was his chance. “Would you ever hit him?” he persisted.
“No. Of course not,” Viggo denied, confusion at the question clear in his voice and expression. With the reply more of the anger seemed to fade from his posture and eyes as the Alter retreated even further.
“Sean, take of your shirt,” Karl asked softly, giving him only the briefest of glances since he knew his presence made the other man uneasy. He made the words strong enough to make it clear he expected to be obeyed but kind enough so not to scare him further. He wished he didn’t have to ask Sean this but he needed to be sure; they all needed to be sure, that his theory of Dissociative Identity Disorder truly could fit Viggo’s case. To know for sure he needed to know there was a persona of Viggo which would never harm his lover.
“I don’t…” Sean hesitated, not sure what to do now. The last three days had weakened him mentally and physically and he was desperate for direction. He felt lost. He looked to Viggo who didn’t reply, a confused and far away look in his eyes. When Sean tested his grip on his hand Viggo easily let him go. The gesture made Sean feel suddenly cold and alone.
“Sean, please,” Karl persisted and Sean, as he had become used to, obeyed. Blushing and looking down in embarrassment he unbuttoned his shirt and took it of. His chest had a few faded scars and bruises but nothing clearly out of the ordinary for an active and hands on man like Sean. “Turn around, please,” Karl asked softly, compassion in his voice though he stayed strong, feeling he had to. This was too important a moment for him to break down. Turning an even deeper red Sean did so and showed Viggo and by association all of them his back. His back was decorated with a series of fine white scars in a clear and easily recognisable pattern. The scars from the whipping would fade in time and become less visible but right now they were a network of fine white scars that spoke of an ocean of pain. Everyone tried to avoid looking yet everyone did and quickly had to look away again at seeing this undeniable evidence of Sean’s suffering. Liv’s eyes filled with tears at the sight and Craig moved into Ian’s arms and Ian easily pulled him into a strong and secure embrace, mumbling soft words of comfort while he kept his eyes on Viggo in case his earlier rage reappeared. Orlando’s lips became a thin line of determination that he would get Sean away from Viggo tonight and Karl’s reaction mirrored Orlando’s; somehow this had to end tonight. Otherwise there would be no going back for any of them.
“My God!” Viggo took in a deep breath in horror when he saw Sean’s back and the rest of the darkness melted from his voice and posture. Sean turned back around and begun to button his shirt up, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor, embarrassment, confusion and loneliness so strong it felt like physical pain tearing at him. There was dead silence in the room.
“You don’t remember, do you?” Karl asked softly, now fully convinced Viggo suffered from Dissociative Identity Disorder. The persona he was speaking to now was clearly not the one who had hurt Sean. Viggo might be a great actor but someone who could hurt Sean so severely would not have the calm to respond like this when confronted with the result of his fury; Karl was sure of it.
Viggo shook his head, torn between disbelief, disgust, horror, dread and compassion over what he had just seen. His eyes went from Sean to Karl. “That’s sick. I would never hurt anyone; especially not Sean. How in the world can you imply it could be me?”
“Because it was you,” Karl insisted softly, quietly, stating it as a fact.
Viggo shook his head insistently, looking both shocked and compassionately from Sean - who still kept his eyes lowered to the floor - and back to Karl. “No. No. I would never do this.”
“Viggo…” Sean began softly, confused and unsure what to do. Seeing Viggo like this, so insecure, so confused and tormented, seemed unreal; like watching a God fall to earth. He moved a hand as if to try and touch him but Viggo’s earlier threat made the movement freeze midair and he withdrew his hand.
Viggo looked briefly at him, noticing the hand which never reached him. “Don’t,” Viggo said in an agonized tone and now he was the one who was fixating his eyes on the floor. “If I hurt you in any way I am sorry. I love you…I cannot hurt you…I cannot.” His voice died out as a sob threatened to destroy his sentence. His always active mind conjured up images of ways he could have hurt Sean for his back to look like this; all of them would make the attacker - him - a monster. He hadn’t done this. He hadn’t!
“Viggo, please…I…It…it doesn’t hurt. It’s okay,” Sean began softly, tears coming to his eyes as his soul was being torn in a million directions. He wished to ease Viggo’s distress, to say sorry, to do something to make everything ok but unsure how to do so. He felt horribly lost. Again he was to reach for him but again he stopped himself, caught between love and fear he was unsure how to proceed.
“Don’t. Please,” Viggo said softly, a look of confused pain on his face as his eyes met Sean’s. “If this is true - if I hurt you like this - I deserve nothing but your hate and contempt.”
Sean shook his head, refusing to think about how he had been hurt, pushing it away. It hadn’t happened. He didn’t want it to have happened. “You will never have either,” Sean assured him, his voice filled with warmth, certainty and a clear desire for Viggo to feel better. Even an angry Viggo was easier for Sean to deal with than a remorseful and uncertain one. At least he knew what to expect from Viggo when he was angry; this mood of Viggo’s was new to him and he didn’t know how he was supposed to act and that scared him worse than the prospect of going home with Viggo and facing whatever punishment was sure to come for his brief stay with Liv. He knew he should have called him. He knew he shouldn’t have come here yet he had had to; he couldn’t have left Liv all alone.
Viggo felt like a knife had been thrown at his heart as he heard Sean’s words and saw his love and uncertainty yet also his fear in his eyes. He reached out a hand at Sean and it was only with great effort Sean didn’t move away yet Viggo noticed the tension in him easily. He stroked his cheek tenderly, regretfully and Sean leaned into the touch eagerly. Then he drew back his hand. “I wish I did. Then maybe I could bear it if this is a truth I have to live with,” he whispered softly, his voice filled with agony. There were memories, terrible memories, tearing at the edges of his consciousness. Memories which couldn’t be true, which weren’t his….couldn’t be his.
“I…I don’t know what to say. What shall I do? Please…” Sean admitted softly, confused, fighting back tears. He was used to having Viggo decide everything and having full control over what he wanted from him. He didn’t know what to do now when Viggo didn’t seem to know what he wanted from him.
Viggo’s tear-filled and guilt-ridden eyes held his. “If this is true…I would ask your forgiveness but I have no right to,” he said softly, his voice filled with regret and sorrow. Somehow…somehow a horrible truth was near. An abyss was opening and he had no salvation. His angel had disappeared. Again he was alone.
Karl saw the shattering of two souls and knew they could never heal together; there was too much damage and too much pain between them. “Viggo, come. Let’s…” Karl began and made a guiding gesture towards Viggo, wishing to guide him to another room so they could try and form a plan of attack for each man individually so each got the help they needed.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!” Viggo pulled away from Karl as if burned. He took a hand to his head and grimaced in pain as even more memories - some recent and some many years old - of fear, pain and horror threatened to surface. He couldn’t have hurt Sean this badly; he couldn’t have tortured him so callously. He wasn’t such a man. He wasn’t! “I didn’t do this!” he yelled at Karl, at the others, at himself. Before anyone could react he broke into a wild run, escaping out of the house and into the beginning darkness in hope of escaping the chaos of his mind.
“Viggo,” Ian called after him with concern in his voice and Craig moved a little out of his embrace but Viggo ran past him without really seeing him.
Karl looked at the open front door and Viggo’s disappearing figure outside with a concerned frown; this was getting out of hand. He turned his attention back to Orlando who had remained at his side through the entire debate and was now looking at him with worried eyes. “Take care of Sean. I’ll go get Viggo,” Karl said to him, laying a reassuring hand on his arm.
Orlando nodded, casting a look at Sean who looked confused, lost, insecure and horribly miserable as if his entire world had just ended. Maybe it had. “I will.”
“Maybe I should go after him,” Sean said softly to himself as he looked after Viggo, wanting to help Viggo in any way he could but unsure what to do. He felt cold and alone; so very alone.
“Don’t,” Orlando said gently, trying to ease the anxiety and loss he saw in Sean’s eyes. “He needs to figure this out on his own.”
“Everything is so confusing,” Sean admitted quietly, his eyes on Orlando wide and almost pleading with him to put his world right again; to let it make sense again. All the rules which had been forced upon him, which he had so painfully learnt had suddenly been pulled away, leaving him without direction and guidance. He looked out after where Viggo had disappeared and pain stronger than anything he had ever felt filled his heart and threatened to force him to his knees. He was alone now. He was lost. So very lost.
Orlando’s heart swelled with compassion and not knowing what else to say or do Orlando went to him. With careful hands, making sure not to make any sudden movements, he laid a calming hand on Sean’s forearm and stroked softly as he simply said, “It will be alright. Everything will be alright.” He knew he was making promises he had no control over. He just hoped that though his promise in reality was a hope then it would still come true. He vowed then and there he would help Sean through this. There was a long road ahead filled with remembered pain and fear but step by step, little by little…somehow he would help him mend. No matter what; he would heal his friend’s broken soul.
Seeing Sean was in good hands Karl broke into a run after Viggo and soon spotted him. He had fallen to his knees on the edge of Liv’s front garden and was sitting there staring into nothingness in the beginning darkness. Karl slowed down and approached him gradually.
“I have never had a temper. I have never harmed anyone,” Viggo said softly, to himself or to Karl he wasn’t sure but he still replied.
“I know,” Karl said in the same soft tone of voice. He stopped right beside Viggo and knelt beside him but kept some distance between them and didn’t try to touch him.
They sat in silence like that for a long time; it could have been minutes or an hour. Then Viggo spoke again, “Mom always used to say an angel would protect me. It never did.”
Karl knew something was breaking before his eyes and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. He had wondered if something horrible had happened to Viggo in his childhood; now it seemed he would get his answer. The question might just be if he was strong enough to know anything about an event so horrible Viggo had needed to create a second persona to live with it. “Why not?” he asked softly in a soothing tone of voice, hoping that by keeping him talking he would calm down.
“I’m bad. Very bad,” Viggo whispered pained, his eyes staring straight ahead into the past, caught up in a darkness he had never really escaped. When he turned to face Karl tears were running silently down his cheeks and fear was in his eyes. “Please…I will do better. I promise I will. Please.”
Karl found himself having trouble speaking as emotions of compassion and shared pain swelled up in him. “It’s ok,” he said softly, not knowing what else to do and afraid to reach out and offer physical contact as comfort.
Viggo didn’t seem to hear or see him as the fear and pain in his eyes and face intensified. “No more. Please no more. I promise I will be good. Please…please no more,” he pleaded with him, his voice frightened and heartfelt.
It was a boy’s voice, a frightened boy Karl wished more than he had ever wished for anything in his entire life he could have saved. He would give anything to have been able to spare Viggo such pain and agony as what he was reliving now. “There will be no more pain. I promise you. Whatever it takes…I will help you kill these demons.” He reached out now, making sure Viggo could see his hands, making sure he was moving slowly and not making any threatening moves. Viggo almost fell into his embrace the way a boy would his mother’s arms, tears stealing his voice.
“I won’t tell. I promise. I won’t tell,” Viggo mumbled between sobs against Karl’s shoulder as he clung to him for dear life. “Our secret…won’t tell.”
“Schhh. It’s over now. The chaos will end. Schh. Just relax. Let go now. Let go. Nothing can harm you now,” Karl promised and held him close. Viggo kept clinging to him like a drowning man a life west and Karl held him close in a protective yet loose embrace so the other man wouldn’t feel trapped. Karl vowed then and there that whatever it took, whatever happened…he would help Viggo through this - whatever this was. Somehow.
TBC
Author's notes: Finally a new chapter. As always sorry for the long wait. Real life is being a bitch.
So...this is a turning point in this (very long) story. I would love to hear what you think and what you want to see happen next. I am not a psychologist so please take all references to this field with consideration to this. :)
Thanks so much as always to everyone who has stuck with me. It means the world to me and keeps me writing. So, yes...feedback does work. 'grins'
That said...I would love it if you left a small comment…it would mean so much to me. Thank you. ‘hugs’