A Woman Undone: Part 59/?

Feb 07, 2008 22:02

Hellooo citizens of the gutter!  I hope I haven't kept you all waiting too long but just long enough.  I am prepared to receive all of your death threats after you read this update.  Don't worry (or be disappointed)...it's safe to read this part at the office like so many of you do...not that you'd heed my warning if I said otherwise.  You're all so bad!  But I love it!  Enjoy!

Part 59

Never. The word echoed in Olivia’s head as she stood there in front of Alex wanting so much to believe that what she was hearing was true.

Alex took a step towards the detective, seeing the doubt in her face. “You have to believe me, Olivia,” she said very softly. “I’ve never loved someone like I love you. I’m not going to mess this up before it’s even begun. Never.”

“Trust you.”

“What?”

“You want me to trust you,” Olivia said as she held back a heavy sigh.

“I want you to believe that I do love you,” Alex answered with a tinge of desperation in her voice.

After a moment’s pause, Olivia finally spoke. “I believe you,” she said before she flashed a small smile and left her office.

But she didn’t believe her. Not entirely at least. No matter how much she wanted to trust Alex, there was still a part of her that feared this woman she loved so much would revert back to the old Alex and take back everything that meant anything between them. Never in her wildest dreams did Olivia ever think she would want to give herself completely to someone with the fear that they wouldn’t do the same in return. In fact, she’d never ever felt this way before, and it was oddly unsettling for her.

Olivia walked to the precinct deep in thought, ignoring the people on the sidewalk bumping into her as she slowly made her way back to work. What she’d just experienced with Alex was an intense moment of unadulterated passion that she could relive every day for the rest of her life, but at the same time it tore her heart out to think of Alex being with anyone else. She remembered noticing that Alex hadn’t been wearing her engagement ring lately, and she wondered for a brief moment if she was still engaged to Richard before she reprimanded herself for allowing her mind to fantasize that Alex was hers to have on her own.

Olivia shook her head and continued walking. “Of course she’s still engaged, Olivia,” she told herself. “She should be off limits. What are you doing? Why are you pursuing her? Why are you doing this to yourself?” But no answers came to mind save for one: “I love her.” That’s all she knew.

Olivia took a deep breath before she walked into the precinct, trying to clear her head so she could focus on work and not be dogged by Elliot’s peering eyes and casual questions. No matter what personal situations she was dealing with, she could always turn to work to distract her. There was no way she was going to lose that part of her life, not by Elliot and not by Alex.

“Liv, did you tell Alex what we found?” Elliot asked her as soon as she walked in.

“Yeah, she said it was good news,” she answered, avoiding eye contact as she sat down at her desk.

“Cabot just called,” Cragen said as he walked out of his office towards the detectives. “The motion to suppress the evidence was denied.”

“Oh, well that’s good news,” Elliot said. “So are we looking at an open and shut case?”

“Cabot didn’t seem to think so,” Cragen replied with a distressed look on his face.

“Why, what’s wrong?” Olivia asked noticing his expression right away.

“She didn’t say. She just told me to make sure you guys were on the ball and that she’d take care of the rest.”

“Sounds like she’s confidant to me,” Elliot said, not seeing where the problem lied.

“She had to fight pretty hard to get the defense’s motion denied,” Cragen said as he looked at his two detectives.

“Captain, we told you…” Olivia jumped in, but was cut off before she could finish.

“I know. It just means that everything we do is under scrutiny.”

“By whom?” Elliot asked in defense. Cragen didn’t respond, but the look on his face said enough. “So she thinks we’re screw ups,” the detective said angrily.

“Elliot,” Olivia responded, trying to calm the whole situation down. True, she didn’t like the idea of Alex thinking they had a track record of making mistakes in their investigations, but she hoped that she had more faith in them than that.

Her partner shot her a look that made her ashamed of the fact that she was defending the ADA over her partner, and it made her very uncomfortable to say the least.

“Look, it doesn’t matter,” Cragen said firmly. “It’s done, it’s been dealt with, so let’s move on and just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Both of the detectives nodded their heads in agreement and spent the rest of the day working on their other cases. Surprisingly, Olivia managed to stay extremely focused on the tasks at hand. Her thoughts only came to Alex a few times and were quickly dismissed shortly thereafter. For the rest of the afternoon there was no mention of the ADA, which made things that much easier for her. When she and Elliot were sent out to question various witnesses, the conversation never steered towards Alex or anything personal for that matter. It was as if Elliot knew the tender way she was feeling at the moment and knew to just leave her alone. With all the work that needed to be done, and with all the work that she actually accomplished, before she knew it the day was winding down and Elliot was heading home.

“Say hi to Kathy and the kids for me,” she told her partner.

“Will do,” Elliot replied with a smile as he slipped on his coat. “You sticking around here for a while?”

“Uh, yeah,” Olivia said with a sigh, as she looked around her desk at all the work piling up. “Someone’s gotta take out the trash.”

“Hey, Kathy will kill me if I don’t get home early tonight,” Elliot said in mock defense. “The kids have a piano recital.”

“Oh, that’ll be nice,” Olivia exclaimed. “Have a good time.”

“Thanks,” Elliot said as he pushed in his chair and walked towards her desk, stopping in front of her. “Well, try to get out of here at a reasonable time, okay partner?”

“Yeah, I will,” she assured him.

“And, uh, say hi to Alex for me,” he quickly said.

Before Olivia could respond, her partner was already out the door, and she was left with the feeling like she’d been caught in the act. A part of her didn’t like Elliot knowing her so well and knowing so much about her life, but the other part of her was comforted by his care and his friendship. She laughed to herself in the middle of the precinct, which was still busy with people, before she grabbed her cell phone on her hip and stepped out into the hall. She dialed Alex’s number as she cautiously looked around to make sure no one was in hearing distance. It wasn’t that she was worried that other people knew who she took to bed at night. It was that she knew that Alex would be less than pleased if they knew it was her she took to bed at night.

“Hello,” came the ADA’s professional voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey, it’s me,” Olivia said quietly, trying not to melt in the middle of the hall at the voice she was hearing.

“Hey you,” Alex beamed, her voice softer now that she knew who was calling her. “How’s it going?”

“I was just calling to see if um…tonight…are you…” Olivia stumbled through like a high school kid admitting a serious crush.

“Only if you want me to,” Alex answered, knowing exactly what it was that the detective was implying.

“Oh, I want you,” Olivia replied with a heavy sigh as she felt her insides twist and start to pulsate.

“Good, I want you too. For some reason you’ve been on my mind all day,” Alex said playfully.

The detective laughed quietly into her phone, though a sense of yearning was starting to build inside of her that wasn’t so funny. “Are you staying at work late tonight?”

“Uh,” Alex said as she leaned back in her chair and looked at the papers scattered on her desk, “I should probably stay another couple of hours. Are you heading home?”

“Yeah, pretty soon. I want to stop off at that little restaurant bar nearby and pick up some dinner. Anything sound good?”

“Just you,” Alex answered quickly.

“Well, I think that can be arranged,” Olivia replied with a smile. “In the meantime, though, I’ll pick out something a little more substantial for you.”

“Okay, should I call before I come over?”

“Yeah, if you want,” Olivia replied casually. “Give me time to get my other girlfriend out of my bed before you show up.”

Alex laughed at her quick wit. “Yes, you are a wanted woman, aren’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” the detective said somewhat seriously. “There’s only one person I want.”

Alex didn’t say anything at first even though she was flattered and turned on and everything else by the comment. Before she replied, her mind suddenly focused in on Olivia’s earlier sentence, “Give me time to get my other girlfriend out of my bed before you show up.” Her other girlfriend. Her other girlfriend. Is that what Olivia thought of her, as her girlfriend? Or was she reading too much into it?

“Alex?” Olivia asked after a few seconds of silence had passed by.

“Yeah, I’m here,” the ADA replied, the tone in her voice very much changed from her flirtations just moments before.

Olivia noticed it right away, though she wasn’t quite sure what had caused it. Had she said something she shouldn’t have? What could it be? And then she figured it out. The ‘girlfriend’ comment - such a simple, innocent slip of the tongue had caused Alex to clam up and shut down. “Christ,” she exclaimed in her head.

“Well, just come over whenever you want,” Olivia said abruptly.

“Okay, bye,” Alex responded quietly.

Olivia hung up the phone rather disheartened at how their conversation had ended. She hadn’t even thought that her little joke would be enough to scare Alex the way it had. Or maybe it didn’t scare her; maybe it just surprised her. Either way, her reaction wasn’t what Olivia had anticipated, if she had anticipated anything at all.

She clipped her phone back onto her hip with a sigh and headed back to her desk. She suddenly wasn’t really in the mood to stay there and work, so after getting the go ahead from Cragen, she wrapped things up, grabbed her jacket, and headed out. She really wanted to have a nice evening with Alex, so she challenged herself to try to put all doubts out of her mind at least for tonight. She quickly made her way to the restaurant going over in her mind the items there that she thought Alex might like to eat. When she got there, she gave her order, and sat on a bar stool while she waited.

“Detective,” someone called from just behind her.

Olivia turned around, startled by the voice. “Richard, hi,” she said with as friendly a tone as possible.

“May I join you?” he asked politely, pointing to the seat next to her.

Olivia desperately wanted to say no, but remembering her manners, she just smiled and nodded.

“Busy day, huh?” he asked her as he tried to direct things towards a casual conversation.

“Always,” Olivia answered plainly, feeling very uncomfortable sitting next him.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“Uh, well actually, I’m just waiting for my take-out,” she answered as she looked around for any signs that her food might be arriving shortly. When she saw nothing in sight, she turned back to Richard who was waiting there with a look on his face that showed he was keen on buying her at least one drink. “But, sure, yeah, that would be great, thank you,” she finally answered.

Richard smiled and waved for the bartender. “Can I get a martini and a…” he asked as he turned to Olivia to hear what she wanted.

“And a vodka-cran,” she ordered hoping that the alcohol would settle her nerves some. Even without Alex in the mix, sitting there next to Richard was very peculiar and unnerving.

“A kid’s drink, huh, a girlie drink?” he teased her, hoping she knew he was kidding. “That’s your poison?”

“Uh,” she hesitated, not really having realized that her drink was considered ‘girlie’, “Depends on my mood, but lately, yeah, that’s been my poison.”

The both took long sips of their drinks as soon as the bartender set them down. There was an awkward silence between them, and Olivia was beginning to wonder why Richard wanted to buy her a drink in the first place. Was he being polite? Did he want something? Was it work related? Did it have to do with Alex? Suddenly she began panicking at the thought of what he could possibly want with her, but her mind was quickly put at ease when he finally broke the silence.

“You know, I never was one for martinis,” he said as he looked into his glass. “Don’t even know when I started liking them.”

“Yeah, I’m the same way,” Olivia said. “I prefer a good bottle of scotch.”

“Me too,” Richard said with a grin. “I opened up a bottle of Aberlour the other night. Wasn’t too bad.”

“Oh, sounds good,” she answered, though not overly impressed with his knowledge of fine whiskeys.

“So, detective,” Richard asked as he downed the rest of his drink, “Or may I call you Olivia?”

“Of course, may I call you Dick?” she answered quickly with a smile on her face.

Richard laughed at her cleverness and nodded his approval. “Sure, why not? You probably think I am a dick.”

“And why would I think that?”

“Well, the case, the motions…setting you up with Robin.”

“Robin? What do you mean, ‘Setting me up with her’?” Olivia asked somewhat startled at the mention of her name.

“I, uh,” Richard paused, “I invited her to the banquet specifically to meet you, and then I heard things didn’t go so well a couple days later.”

“Who told you they didn’t go so well?”

“Robin did, actually,” he explained. “She said she might have come on a bit strong and scared you off.”

“Oh, well, she just…” Olivia searched frantically for something polite to say, “…caught me on a bad day.”

“She can be a little direct sometimes, but that’s only when she really likes someone.”

“Trying to be the matchmaker there, Richard?” Olivia asked, feeling the alcohol flow through her body, allowing her to relax a little.

“That or trying to prove to Alex that Robin’s not a threat to her or to us,” he admitted with a sigh.

“Why would Alex see Robin as a threat?”

“Eh, long story, better saved for when there’s time for more drinks,” he joked.

The tension and awkward silence suddenly returned and hung thick around them. As Olivia finished her drink and set the glass down on the bar, a server showed up with her food and handed her the bag. Olivia paid the bill and stood up from her seat.

“Well, thank you for the drink, Richard, and the conversation,” she said politely before trying to hurry out of there.

“My pleasure,” he told her but said nothing more. Olivia turned to walk away, but before she even made two steps, his voice cut through the air again. “I know about you and Alex.”

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks, her heart beating quickly as a sudden fear engulfed her. He knew.

title: a women undone, author: whatisayouth, length: short fiction (chapter)

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