The Apartment
Title: The Apartment
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 2/?
A/N: A series of vignettes moving in chronological order of our favorite detective and ADA. Idea is shamelessly stolen from
mldrgrl. Sorry. Written from different points of view. *checks previous post* 55 comments! YAY!
Chicken Noodle POV-3 Months (A/N: Imagine this is said in a grandmotherly tone. It adds to the humor)
“I brought soup,” Olivia announced. Chicken noodle soup, to be exact. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I’m senile.
“I hate chicken noodle.” AH! That was very rude. If my grandkids did that, why I’d…
“This way you’ll get better faster.” Olivia brought me in, placed me gently on the counter, and snuggled into bed with Alex.
“Hmm. Thanks babe.”
“Blow. Good girl. One sip.” A few minutes later, I was half gone, and the blond had fallen asleep. Olivia planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, grabbed me, and tiptoed out the door, turning off the lights and closing the door gently behind her. How absolutely sweet. See, Spoon, that is how you should treat Fork.
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Pan’s POV-4 Months
I’m hot. So are my owners, but in a totally different sense, if you get my drift. They used me to make a bunch of omelets they were eating in little Breakfast Nook. It’s nice, seeing them both together. Their schedules are crazy-I should know, they complain in Kitchen all the time.
“So,” Alex waved Fork #4 around in the air, “I was thinking of getting the walls repainted, but I couldn’t decide between mystic waterfall and clear water.”
The Walls and Olivia groaned at the same time. The Walls hated getting painted. “Sweetheart, you know that the fumes give me a headache. Can’t I come home without smelling the noxious vapors?”
“You already smell like noxious vapors!”
Olivia reached over to grab Alex, and started tickling her, poking at the soft area below her ribs. I wiggled my handle in laughter.
“Maybe we should get a new couch, to match the walls.” Olivia tickled Alex again. A pause. “The couch could match the pots and pans.” That bitch! Putting me in the same sentence as the couch. The couch is white, I’m black. If she changed her color, I might like her more, but those white furniture pieces are always so snobby.
Suddenly, Cellphone rang. Olivia reached to pick it up. “Benson. I’ll be right in.” She stood up, grabbed her coat, and bent back down, planting a kiss on the waiting lips of her lover. “Gotta go, love.”
“Dinner’s at seven!” The two women laughed at their joke. I didn’t get what was so funny, until Fork #1 told me that they never make it to dinner together. Oh.
They never could decide between the two colors.
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The Desk’s POV-5 months
“Olivia, if you don’t pick up your phone…”
“Benson.”
“Olivia! Where is it?” Alex nearly yelled into the phone. Poor Phone. He’s gonna have an earache for the rest of the day, I just know it.
“Where’s what?”
“This is important Olivia!”
“I should think so, Alex.”
Alex shuffled some papers aside on my surface. It tickled. “Don’t mock me. Where are my notes for court? I was highlighting them yesterday, and now I can’t find them. What junk could you possibly have here?” She opened and closed some of my drawers rather forcefully. It hurt.
“Have in where?”
“The office!”
“Why are you in the office looking for your notes?”
“Because you took them, even though I told you not to touch them! I specifically told you not to touch my notes, and you go and shove them in your desk!” She kicked a drawer shut. I think she chipped my new polish.
“I didn’t touch them sweetheart.”
“Don’t you sweetheart me! Where else could they be? You obviously took them!”
“Calm down.”
Alex stopped and took several deep breaths. “Calm. Calm. There, I’m calm. Now where are they?”
“Check the breakfast nook.”
“It’s not in the breakfast nook.”
Olivia sighed, so loud that I could hear it over Phone. “Just check the breakfast nook.”
“It’s not in the…” realization swept over Alex. “I was eating breakfast.”
“Yes. I made you an omelet, remember?”
“Thanks love! I’ll make it up to you.” Ooh, maybe they’ll have sex on me again. I think they christened every room, but they have a fondness for me and Kitchen Counter.
“Yeah, yeah. You better, bitch.” The line went dead.
Alex kissed Phone happily, almost giggling. Damn the lucky bastard. Now he’ll brag about it all day.
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Remote Control’s POV-6 months
You know, I was having a conversation the other day, with Living Room Walls. They were ecstatic that they hadn’t gotten repainted a few months earlier. Unfortunately for them, they were gonna get it. This is what happened.
So, I was lying on Couch, totally minding my own business, when my two darling owners flop next to me. Olivia grabbed me and started flicking through the channels. Now, unlike normal household items, I like getting my buttons pushed, especially by the detective. And if she feels especially kinky, well…let’s just say I have felt things that normal items only dream about. But I digress.
So she was flipping through channels extremely fast. Alex heaved a sigh. Have I mentioned how last time Olivia used me to make Alex…sorry. Anyways, she heaved a sigh. “Can’t you just pick a channel and stick to it?”
“There’s nothing good on.” Flip, flip, and flip.
“How can you tell? All you do is…” Alex lifted her arm and mimed pressing buttons, pointing her arm towards Television.
“I can tell.”
“Wait! Go back.”
“Go back where?”
“Just go back!”
Olivia pressed the little “-“ button until Alex made a happy squeak. We had landed on the home remodeling channel. I never understood why they had cable, unless they wanted it for the por…sorry.
The people on Television were repainting their walls. Alex let out a very undignified squeal. “Ohmygod! Look at that technique. We are totally repainting our walls.”
Olivia sniffed. “No.”
“Please?” Alex crawled onto her lap.
She relented. “Okay.”
“Yay! Okay, just let me…record. There. Now you can change.” Olivia’s fingers remained motionless. “What’s wrong babe?”
“I’m scared. What if I land on the shopping network?”
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