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Wow, I'm sorry for such a delay. I actually had to re-write this chapter completely because somehow my computer ate it. I'm also working on another AU A/O fic that I'll hopefully start posting soon. But anyway, here is the next installment. It takes place just after the explosion in Loss. Comments are always appreciated. :D
Title: Somewhere Out There (chapter 4)
Rating: PG-13 for language I guess.
Alex was silent the whole way home. Olivia couldn’t tell if it was because she was angry, devastated, or numb. Even as she held her hand, Olivia got no response from Alex. It was seriously worrying the detective. She offered words of solace, comfort, even tried to cheer her up. Alex gave little to no response. Olivia took them to Alex’s apartment, as that was where Alex had said she wanted to go. Olivia was against that idea, but she thought it best not to argue with Alex at the present moment. She’d volunteered herself as Alex’s protective detail that night, though she was fairly certain that Elliot would be making drive-by’s during the night.
Once they got into the apartment, Olivia led Alex inside and started the ritual of taking off her coat, hanging up her keys, and putting on a pot of coffee. She wasn’t going to be sleeping that night, and knew for certain Alex wouldn’t be sleeping that night or anytime soon. “I’m making coffee,” she called out from in the kitchen. “Would you prefer I made you some tea instead?” No answer. “Alex?” Still nothing. Goddamnit… Olivia sighed and set the filled tea kettle on the burner on top of the stove, then walked out of the kitchen to find Alex standing by one of the windows in the apartment. “Honey, I need you to close those blinds.”
“I want them open.”
“Alex, you know they need to be closed while you’re here.”
“This is my home, Olivia. I’ll do what I want. I’m not going to live in fear just because some drug lord has it out for me.”
Olivia was starting to get frustrated. Alex was being stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn. She knew this ran a lot deeper than that, and Alex wouldn’t give that up so easily. She was going to have to pry. Olivia hated when Alex made her pry. “It’s not ‘just some drug lord’ trying to spy on you Alex. He made a credible threat.” She crossed the room and went over to the window. “I’m sorry, but until this case is closed you’re going to have to modify your lifestyle a little. That includes closing the damn blinds,” she said firmly, and closed them herself.
Alex glared at the brunette. Olivia was talking to her like she was a victim. She was doing it on purpose to make her mad. And it was working. Alex was in fact, very mad at the detective and had been trying to keep it in because she knew Olivia didn’t realize she’d angered her. “Fine,” she said coldly. “I suppose you want me to stay away from the windows and avoid being alone, too. And take the vacation time I’ve been storing up.”
“Now that you mention it, yes,” Olivia replied calmly.
“Damnit Olivia!” Alex hit her fist against the wall, then paced towards the middle of the room. “Stop talking to me like that!”
Olivia’s expression remained stoic, though on the inside she was feeling a bit satisfied. She’d broken the icy exterior, now Alex would release the frustration and tell her what was wrong. “How do you want me to talk to you?” She asked.
“I don’t want you to talk to me at all!”
Well, Olivia hadn’t been expecting that response. It caused her jaw to drop just a little, and her eyes to widen. That outburst had hurt. Why didn’t she want to talk to her? Or was that just part of her bottled up frustration coming out and she hadn’t really meant it? “What? Alex, why would you say something like that?”
Alex was rubbing her temples, trying to keep her cool. “You don’t get it. You weren’t listening to what that man was saying on the tape, were you? You didn’t hear a word he said.”
“I heard every word he said. Were you listening?”
“Of course I was listening! Hearing someone threaten your life and the life of your mother isn’t something you can really ignore!” Alex was still pacing the room, hands at her temples. She felt like tearing out her hair. Didn’t Olivia understand anything?
“Then what the hell did you mean by that?” Olivia demanded, closing the gap between them. She reached out and took hold of Alex’s sides to stop her pacing, forcing her to stay still and look her in the eyes. “Why don’t you want me to talk to you?”
“That man threatened me and my mother!”
“I know that!”
“No, you’re not listening to me,” Alex was reaching her breaking point. “He threatened me and my mother. He didn’t threaten you!”
“Why would he do that?”
Alex didn’t know whether to scream in frustration or smile at how endearingly oblivious her girlfriend was. She opted for the former, only because she was already so worked up. “Because you’re my girlfriend!” she yelled. “He’s targeting me and people I care about. But he didn’t say you because he doesn’t know!” Alex pulled herself free from Olivia’s grip and stepped back. “Do you get it now? You’re in danger as long as you’re around me. If Zapata’s people even catch the smallest hint that you and I are together, you’ll be on his hit list too!”
Olivia stared at Alex, stunned into silence. She was pulling away from her in order to protect her? It made sense, in a twisted way. It was also very much an Alex Cabot way of going about things. “You think I care if he threatens me?”
“Olivia! STOP IT. I care if he threatens you. If something were to happen to you because of all this, I-“ No. She wasn’t going to go there, because that wasn’t going to happen. Alex shook her head and rubbed at her eyes, erasing the tears that were threatening to spill.
“You have got to get off of this case,” Olivia said. She was touched that Alex wanted to protect her, but she was upset that it had taken such a toll on her. Not even Sam Cavanaugh had done such a number on her. “You can’t do this to yourself anymore, Alex. You just can’t.”
Alex’s gaze shot back to Olivia. “I can’t do this? I am not dropping the case. It’s gone too far as it is. If I drop the case, do you honestly thing all will be forgiven by Zapata? The threat is going to be there regardless.”
“Alex, you’re not a super hero. You have to know when to back off. The Feds-“
“-can kiss my ass,” Alex snapped. “I’m not dropping it. But I’m not putting you at risk. So after tonight I think it’d be best if we stayed in our own apartments for a while.”
This time it was Olivia who felt the stinging of tears in her eyes. She’s still upset about Donovan.. That’s all this is. She doesn’t really mean it.. she silently told herself. “Sweetheart, I have to do my job.”
“And I have to do mine.”
“Fine, but stop being a martyr. You don’t have to be so strong all the time. You can let your guard down with me.”
The shriek of the tea kettle in the kitchen put an end to their argument. Olivia stood there a moment longer in hopes that Alex would speak, but she received no response. She lowered her eyes and left the room to tend to the tea and coffee. Olivia opened a cabinet and retrieved two mugs, then fetched a tea bag and dropped it in Alex’s mug. Tilting the kettle, she began pouring the hot water. While she was adding honey and lemon, she felt arms circle around her from behind and pressure against her back. She paused in her actions and closed her eyes, just savoring the feeling. Olivia forgot the beverages and turned around so she could face Alex. Her own arms slid around the blonde’s waist and she pulled her into a loving embrace.
“I just don’t want anything to happen to you, Liv,” Alex whispered, laying her cheek against her shoulder. “I’m.. I’m scared..”
Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, forcing back her tears again. She’d beaten Alex in that matter she soon discovered, feeling the warmth of Alex’s tears starting to soak through her shirt. Immediately she began to stroke her back, her hair, and held her tighter. “I’ve got you, Alex,” she said softly. “I’m right here. It’s going to be all right. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, or me. We’ll get through this, but we’re going to get through this together.”
“I love you,” Alex said, her voice muffled slightly by Olivia’s shirt. “I love you so much…”
Title: Somewhere Out There (chapter 4)
Rating: PG-13 for language I guess.
Alex was silent the whole way home. Olivia couldn’t tell if it was because she was angry, devastated, or numb. Even as she held her hand, Olivia got no response from Alex. It was seriously worrying the detective. She offered words of solace, comfort, even tried to cheer her up. Alex gave little to no response. Olivia took them to Alex’s apartment, as that was where Alex had said she wanted to go. Olivia was against that idea, but she thought it best not to argue with Alex at the present moment. She’d volunteered herself as Alex’s protective detail that night, though she was fairly certain that Elliot would be making drive-by’s during the night.
Once they got into the apartment, Olivia led Alex inside and started the ritual of taking off her coat, hanging up her keys, and putting on a pot of coffee. She wasn’t going to be sleeping that night, and knew for certain Alex wouldn’t be sleeping that night or anytime soon. “I’m making coffee,” she called out from in the kitchen. “Would you prefer I made you some tea instead?” No answer. “Alex?” Still nothing. Goddamnit… Olivia sighed and set the filled tea kettle on the burner on top of the stove, then walked out of the kitchen to find Alex standing by one of the windows in the apartment. “Honey, I need you to close those blinds.”
“I want them open.”
“Alex, you know they need to be closed while you’re here.”
“This is my home, Olivia. I’ll do what I want. I’m not going to live in fear just because some drug lord has it out for me.”
Olivia was starting to get frustrated. Alex was being stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn. She knew this ran a lot deeper than that, and Alex wouldn’t give that up so easily. She was going to have to pry. Olivia hated when Alex made her pry. “It’s not ‘just some drug lord’ trying to spy on you Alex. He made a credible threat.” She crossed the room and went over to the window. “I’m sorry, but until this case is closed you’re going to have to modify your lifestyle a little. That includes closing the damn blinds,” she said firmly, and closed them herself.
Alex glared at the brunette. Olivia was talking to her like she was a victim. She was doing it on purpose to make her mad. And it was working. Alex was in fact, very mad at the detective and had been trying to keep it in because she knew Olivia didn’t realize she’d angered her. “Fine,” she said coldly. “I suppose you want me to stay away from the windows and avoid being alone, too. And take the vacation time I’ve been storing up.”
“Now that you mention it, yes,” Olivia replied calmly.
“Damnit Olivia!” Alex hit her fist against the wall, then paced towards the middle of the room. “Stop talking to me like that!”
Olivia’s expression remained stoic, though on the inside she was feeling a bit satisfied. She’d broken the icy exterior, now Alex would release the frustration and tell her what was wrong. “How do you want me to talk to you?” She asked.
“I don’t want you to talk to me at all!”
Well, Olivia hadn’t been expecting that response. It caused her jaw to drop just a little, and her eyes to widen. That outburst had hurt. Why didn’t she want to talk to her? Or was that just part of her bottled up frustration coming out and she hadn’t really meant it? “What? Alex, why would you say something like that?”
Alex was rubbing her temples, trying to keep her cool. “You don’t get it. You weren’t listening to what that man was saying on the tape, were you? You didn’t hear a word he said.”
“I heard every word he said. Were you listening?”
“Of course I was listening! Hearing someone threaten your life and the life of your mother isn’t something you can really ignore!” Alex was still pacing the room, hands at her temples. She felt like tearing out her hair. Didn’t Olivia understand anything?
“Then what the hell did you mean by that?” Olivia demanded, closing the gap between them. She reached out and took hold of Alex’s sides to stop her pacing, forcing her to stay still and look her in the eyes. “Why don’t you want me to talk to you?”
“That man threatened me and my mother!”
“I know that!”
“No, you’re not listening to me,” Alex was reaching her breaking point. “He threatened me and my mother. He didn’t threaten you!”
“Why would he do that?”
Alex didn’t know whether to scream in frustration or smile at how endearingly oblivious her girlfriend was. She opted for the former, only because she was already so worked up. “Because you’re my girlfriend!” she yelled. “He’s targeting me and people I care about. But he didn’t say you because he doesn’t know!” Alex pulled herself free from Olivia’s grip and stepped back. “Do you get it now? You’re in danger as long as you’re around me. If Zapata’s people even catch the smallest hint that you and I are together, you’ll be on his hit list too!”
Olivia stared at Alex, stunned into silence. She was pulling away from her in order to protect her? It made sense, in a twisted way. It was also very much an Alex Cabot way of going about things. “You think I care if he threatens me?”
“Olivia! STOP IT. I care if he threatens you. If something were to happen to you because of all this, I-“ No. She wasn’t going to go there, because that wasn’t going to happen. Alex shook her head and rubbed at her eyes, erasing the tears that were threatening to spill.
“You have got to get off of this case,” Olivia said. She was touched that Alex wanted to protect her, but she was upset that it had taken such a toll on her. Not even Sam Cavanaugh had done such a number on her. “You can’t do this to yourself anymore, Alex. You just can’t.”
Alex’s gaze shot back to Olivia. “I can’t do this? I am not dropping the case. It’s gone too far as it is. If I drop the case, do you honestly thing all will be forgiven by Zapata? The threat is going to be there regardless.”
“Alex, you’re not a super hero. You have to know when to back off. The Feds-“
“-can kiss my ass,” Alex snapped. “I’m not dropping it. But I’m not putting you at risk. So after tonight I think it’d be best if we stayed in our own apartments for a while.”
This time it was Olivia who felt the stinging of tears in her eyes. She’s still upset about Donovan.. That’s all this is. She doesn’t really mean it.. she silently told herself. “Sweetheart, I have to do my job.”
“And I have to do mine.”
“Fine, but stop being a martyr. You don’t have to be so strong all the time. You can let your guard down with me.”
The shriek of the tea kettle in the kitchen put an end to their argument. Olivia stood there a moment longer in hopes that Alex would speak, but she received no response. She lowered her eyes and left the room to tend to the tea and coffee. Olivia opened a cabinet and retrieved two mugs, then fetched a tea bag and dropped it in Alex’s mug. Tilting the kettle, she began pouring the hot water. While she was adding honey and lemon, she felt arms circle around her from behind and pressure against her back. She paused in her actions and closed her eyes, just savoring the feeling. Olivia forgot the beverages and turned around so she could face Alex. Her own arms slid around the blonde’s waist and she pulled her into a loving embrace.
“I just don’t want anything to happen to you, Liv,” Alex whispered, laying her cheek against her shoulder. “I’m.. I’m scared..”
Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, forcing back her tears again. She’d beaten Alex in that matter she soon discovered, feeling the warmth of Alex’s tears starting to soak through her shirt. Immediately she began to stroke her back, her hair, and held her tighter. “I’ve got you, Alex,” she said softly. “I’m right here. It’s going to be all right. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, or me. We’ll get through this, but we’re going to get through this together.”
“I love you,” Alex said, her voice muffled slightly by Olivia’s shirt. “I love you so much…”