All the growing up I did.... The Heartbreak
Let's start at: when I first fell in love... When I turned 27, I got into my first serious relationship. . . During this time of my life, I wanted nothing but to experience those romantic things, those sweet moments between two people. The love I always wrote about in my fictional stories, the dedication of one person to another human being, I wanted to experience it all.
I was working as a part of a management team during that time. I handled a lot of people, written a ton of policies and regulations for our company both in English and Mandarin Chinese. I was managing logistics, shuttle service, security and expats. And through this work, I met this guy. He was perfect, at least in my eyes. He was the bad boy I was so engrossed with.
I knew what and who he was. I accepted it. He was a fuck boy. Yeah, a boy. A, at the moment, 31 year-old boy. I was content honestly, from the beginning. I fully accepted that he was gonna be with a different women every few nights. That he was married and has been separated for a decade already because his wife couldn't live with how he is anymore. (Yes, we talked about it) But since my dumb self, was in it for the first time. And I was a little too attracted to him during this time. AND because this sister ain't got a lot of experience in the love department, I fell for every lie and empty promises.
He promised me the world. He swore he would fly to the moon and back for me. He swore he would put me first, and then 3 years into the relationship. . . it all came crashing down. I cant clearly remember how I found out, but I was so broken and I was so crushed. Dumb me believed every word he said and begged and thought I was different. I thought... I was special. Until I wasn't. Until I was just another woman who fell for his lies.
Lets start from the very beginning. From when I first laid eyes on him. I got deployed at a new site and I had to coordinate with the new site all our assets and staffs. I needed something from his office. Their acknowledgement on certain papers I need to start the operations on this site.
At this time, I was so focused on getting my site up and running that I was keeping things light and maybe trying to be on their good side so I can somehow make the process go easier. And it was. Their office was very helpful when it came to my office and they would always help me cut corners and all that. It made my life managing the said site easier.
As soon as my office was settled in this new place, we started getting in touch frequently. And I was smitten. I liked this guy. He was handsome, helpful and just plain perfect. His staff would always tell me great things about him, showering him praises and how good a boss he is. And I was enchanted. I was enchanted with this guy who would readily drop things to help out his staff.
We got to know each other. Drinking after work with friends and somehow we'd find ourselves in a hotel room screwing each other's brains out. We talked, though. We discussed that that will be all. And I was alright with that. I was fine because at that time, I didn't know what I even wanted. Until.. he started showing how he wanted to be exclusive and how he's fallen for me... And this is when I thought, well, it wouldn't be so bad? We were old enough, maybe he's had enough of living like a teen, and would want to settle down already.
So we lived together for the next couple of years. I was so in love with the idea of being practically married to someone, sharing everyday with that someone. I did my best to be a good partner and just bowed to whatever he wanted, where he wanted. But it wasn't enough, and I wasn't enough. And because I was too focused on my work, he said I lost time and interest in him so he sought out other female who could give him a child, a family. The time and dedication. And quite honestly... I was crushed. I was pulling extra hours from work so I could further support his family financially and so he could go out with his new circle without looking like a bankrupt ex cop. But I guess what I didn't consider at the time was the culture. His family's culture and mine CLASHED.
And so, I decided to leave. I left him even if it crushed me. I left even if I wanted to stay and fight for our love. But then after 3 months away from our place, I found out that when I left, 2 weeks later, he brought the new girl in already. And I was once again crushed. I wanted to cry out to the world, what the hell was wrong with me. What am I missing?
I got over it though. I figured out too what I wanted in a relationship.