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Compulsory Reading: "Perfect Girl" by Sarah McLachlan
>>Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong
in your reverie a perfect girl
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool
all your expectations bury me
Dont worry, you will find the answer if you LET IT GO
give yourself some time to falter
But dont forgo, KNOWING THAT YOU'LL LOVE NO MATTER WHAT
and everything will come around IN TIME
I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny
That I can make or break it if I choose...
The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive
I have to take myself away from you
cause I cant compete, I cant deny
theres nothing that I didnt try
how did I go wrong in loving you?<<
With that in mind...
Whenever I come across some chance to make a wish, I immediately imagine the whole world slows down. The stage is set with dramatic lighting, the camera pans down to close up on my person and every sight and sound around me abruptly fades into background static. In the movie that is my life, that moment is always significant as some sort of pivotal piece of plot. And each time a new opportunity to make a wish arises, all of the past times I've had said opportunity fade into oblivion. All those other times, I was just a silly little girl throwing a penny into a fountain. Not this time, though. This time the universe will hear me. This time, the world wants to know what I need from it. Some cosmic force is dying to grant my wish, this time.
Today I sat at my desk, midway through my spanish class, milling over the lyrics to that Sarah McLachlan song and reminding myself about the virtues of relinquishing control (or my false sense of control) and I spotted a mostly intact dandelion sitting on my workbook. How could the universe not be speaking to me, for an instrument of wishes to be so unreasonably and nobly placed on my desk in my second-floor, windowless spanish classroom?
Naturally, as the world slowed down and the focus of the grand audience (the general spectators of the universe) became oriented around me, I began to think of relevant things I could wish for. Now that I know I'm supposed to let go of this whole relationship business, should I wish for love? It hasn't worked before- but that was before I came to the realization that I shouldn't try to manufacture and control it! Of course, your mother doesn't potty train you and then reward you by helping you pee in your pants. So, I thought perhaps I was meant to wish for some support from the universe in becoming a more self-sustaining person. I should ask the universe to serve as my training wheels while I learn to ride a two-wheeler. Maybe, I'm supposed to make a wish about something more specific. I should wish that I keep getting good grades! I should wish that I'm able to stick to a major-- I should ask the universe to let me remain unsurprised and in control of my future!
Suddenly, and without complete recognition of my intent, I looked down at my workbook and ran the back of my hand along the page; knocking my dandelion down to the floor. I reflected for a moment, staring at my fallen gift looking tragically dismissed next to my feet. 'Oh cosmos', I thought, 'always so quick with your metaphorical examinations!'
I felt like such a grown up. Then, as the camera pulled back out to include the rest of the scene, (the dandelion concealed and erroneous under my desk) the universe and I smiled wryly at each other about how clever our exchange had been.
Okay, off to see Jarface now :)
>>Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong
in your reverie a perfect girl
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool
all your expectations bury me
Dont worry, you will find the answer if you LET IT GO
give yourself some time to falter
But dont forgo, KNOWING THAT YOU'LL LOVE NO MATTER WHAT
and everything will come around IN TIME
I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny
That I can make or break it if I choose...
The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive
I have to take myself away from you
cause I cant compete, I cant deny
theres nothing that I didnt try
how did I go wrong in loving you?<<
With that in mind...
Whenever I come across some chance to make a wish, I immediately imagine the whole world slows down. The stage is set with dramatic lighting, the camera pans down to close up on my person and every sight and sound around me abruptly fades into background static. In the movie that is my life, that moment is always significant as some sort of pivotal piece of plot. And each time a new opportunity to make a wish arises, all of the past times I've had said opportunity fade into oblivion. All those other times, I was just a silly little girl throwing a penny into a fountain. Not this time, though. This time the universe will hear me. This time, the world wants to know what I need from it. Some cosmic force is dying to grant my wish, this time.
Today I sat at my desk, midway through my spanish class, milling over the lyrics to that Sarah McLachlan song and reminding myself about the virtues of relinquishing control (or my false sense of control) and I spotted a mostly intact dandelion sitting on my workbook. How could the universe not be speaking to me, for an instrument of wishes to be so unreasonably and nobly placed on my desk in my second-floor, windowless spanish classroom?
Naturally, as the world slowed down and the focus of the grand audience (the general spectators of the universe) became oriented around me, I began to think of relevant things I could wish for. Now that I know I'm supposed to let go of this whole relationship business, should I wish for love? It hasn't worked before- but that was before I came to the realization that I shouldn't try to manufacture and control it! Of course, your mother doesn't potty train you and then reward you by helping you pee in your pants. So, I thought perhaps I was meant to wish for some support from the universe in becoming a more self-sustaining person. I should ask the universe to serve as my training wheels while I learn to ride a two-wheeler. Maybe, I'm supposed to make a wish about something more specific. I should wish that I keep getting good grades! I should wish that I'm able to stick to a major-- I should ask the universe to let me remain unsurprised and in control of my future!
Suddenly, and without complete recognition of my intent, I looked down at my workbook and ran the back of my hand along the page; knocking my dandelion down to the floor. I reflected for a moment, staring at my fallen gift looking tragically dismissed next to my feet. 'Oh cosmos', I thought, 'always so quick with your metaphorical examinations!'
I felt like such a grown up. Then, as the camera pulled back out to include the rest of the scene, (the dandelion concealed and erroneous under my desk) the universe and I smiled wryly at each other about how clever our exchange had been.
Okay, off to see Jarface now :)