So won't you kill me, so I die happy
WARNING: If you are in a good mood, do not read the following (Depression is contagious)
Tonight was an "ok" night by my standards. Casey, Ben, Anthony, and I headed out to Rocky's to meet with Cassie and her friends. Tore up some DDR, and some shoot em up games. Towards the end of the night, I eased my way into the coversations and began to open up a bit. We later went to Hooters and grabbed a couple of drinks, where I feel I made a huge ass of myself. But atleast I had someone like Anthony to do it with! (haha j/k) After that, Ben drove the girls home and I followed, well "somewhat" followed. I missed their turn because I was in the wrong lane, then proceeded to drive around in circles trying to find Ben and Casey again, which pissed me off horribly (more pissed at myself than anything.) I decided to let by gones be by gones, and headed towards Anthony's to drop him off. {Insert incredibly strange emotions} The entire way home, my mind was not with my body. I began to get these extremely weird, dysfunctional emotions, that seemed to erupt out of the darkness surrounding the car, as if I was driving into them. After dropping Anthony off, I probably didn't exceed 45 mph the rest of the way home. I just wanted to drive forever, in the darkness, just me and my thoughts riding shotgun. Now, back to the emotions, some of these emotions are practically unexplainable, yet I will attempt to clear them up. One was a sudden feeling of regret for every tiny thing done wrong in the past few days/weeks. Such as making an ass out of myself tonight. I felt like I ashamed both Casey and Ben and got in the way with the fun, which in return makes me ashamed of myself. Another strange emotion was the contemplation of just driving to somewhere in the middle of nowhere to never be heard from again. No hard feelings to any loved ones or friends, but sometimes I just wish I could just jump up and leave, cut all my ties and live somewhere, beginning life anew. One of the final emotions included extreme anger and frustration at myself, I have never been so angered at myself in my entire 16 years of living. These thoughts continued all the way to my driveway, where I pulled in, set the car in park and just sat in the car and thought for a few minutes. I believe that helped a bit, because it took a bit off of my mind to where I could go inside calm, cool, and collected, no longer a ball of raw nerve endings waiting to spazz out. I then had the bright idea of working out a bit to take my mind off of things a bit more. Boy, could I have been farther from choosing the right thing to do... In the end, working out frustrated me even more, because I couldn't push my 50 reps out, stopping at 44. I realize that reading this, you must think I am severely messed up. Well, I probably am, but I can't help that now can I?
P.S. To those who I went out with tonight that read this, I am truly sorry you had to suffer through me being an "assy"
"Well I'm not normal..."
Tonight was an "ok" night by my standards. Casey, Ben, Anthony, and I headed out to Rocky's to meet with Cassie and her friends. Tore up some DDR, and some shoot em up games. Towards the end of the night, I eased my way into the coversations and began to open up a bit. We later went to Hooters and grabbed a couple of drinks, where I feel I made a huge ass of myself. But atleast I had someone like Anthony to do it with! (haha j/k) After that, Ben drove the girls home and I followed, well "somewhat" followed. I missed their turn because I was in the wrong lane, then proceeded to drive around in circles trying to find Ben and Casey again, which pissed me off horribly (more pissed at myself than anything.) I decided to let by gones be by gones, and headed towards Anthony's to drop him off. {Insert incredibly strange emotions} The entire way home, my mind was not with my body. I began to get these extremely weird, dysfunctional emotions, that seemed to erupt out of the darkness surrounding the car, as if I was driving into them. After dropping Anthony off, I probably didn't exceed 45 mph the rest of the way home. I just wanted to drive forever, in the darkness, just me and my thoughts riding shotgun. Now, back to the emotions, some of these emotions are practically unexplainable, yet I will attempt to clear them up. One was a sudden feeling of regret for every tiny thing done wrong in the past few days/weeks. Such as making an ass out of myself tonight. I felt like I ashamed both Casey and Ben and got in the way with the fun, which in return makes me ashamed of myself. Another strange emotion was the contemplation of just driving to somewhere in the middle of nowhere to never be heard from again. No hard feelings to any loved ones or friends, but sometimes I just wish I could just jump up and leave, cut all my ties and live somewhere, beginning life anew. One of the final emotions included extreme anger and frustration at myself, I have never been so angered at myself in my entire 16 years of living. These thoughts continued all the way to my driveway, where I pulled in, set the car in park and just sat in the car and thought for a few minutes. I believe that helped a bit, because it took a bit off of my mind to where I could go inside calm, cool, and collected, no longer a ball of raw nerve endings waiting to spazz out. I then had the bright idea of working out a bit to take my mind off of things a bit more. Boy, could I have been farther from choosing the right thing to do... In the end, working out frustrated me even more, because I couldn't push my 50 reps out, stopping at 44. I realize that reading this, you must think I am severely messed up. Well, I probably am, but I can't help that now can I?
P.S. To those who I went out with tonight that read this, I am truly sorry you had to suffer through me being an "assy"
"Well I'm not normal..."