My first fanfic: New Begining

[aletter2elise]

Title: New Begining 
Author: aletter2elise
Rating: R for language
Word count: 3,971
Charactors: Beecher/ Keller main charactors, Bonnie, Barlog, Hoyt, Nappa
Keyword: Charactors from Oz fanfic
Disclaimer: Wrtten for fun not profit. I don't own the oz charactors.

Author's Note: This fiction takes place in missouri along places i have grown up or known of.

Comments

[trillingstar]

There are a lot of grammatical issues in your story, like fragmented sentences (which reads as "choppy"), misplaced punctuation, and typos. These are all things that a good beta will address and work to help you fix. I've been writing for years and I rarely post anything that hasn't been beta'd. One way to think of a beta is someone who checks you out before you leave the house, makes sure your slip isn't showing and that you've remembered your keys.

It's tricky to write an AU and keep your characters in character; since it is an AU, there is some leeway, but readers still want to be able to recognize Toby and Chris as Toby and Chris, not as original characters who happen to be named Toby and Chris. You know? Clearly there's no issue with writing what's called a "self-indulgent" fic, where your characters do what you want without regard to characterization. That's usually something to mention in the warnings and/or notes section of your header.

Which isn't to say that I think this story necessarily falls into that category, although it does skirt the concept. Naturally, everyone has different interpretations of characters (and that's one of the things that I like most about fanfic), yet there are some base characterizations that most people can agree on, and Keller crying twice in the space of a chapter vs. Keller crying once over five seasons of canon triggered it for me, here. I like the ideas that you're working with here, how Toby & Chris meet, and showing us some of Chris's backstory. I'd like to know more about why they're in Missouri, and I'm interested to see how their friendship progresses. I think that you could benefit greatly from an excellent beta (perhaps someone who has experience as a beta, and as a writer), especially since your enthusiasm for writing is undeniable. It takes balls to put your work out there, and it's always nice to have new writers joining the fray. :)

[aletter2elise]

I agree. I really do need some help from another writer. It's a whole lot different from drawing, but i really wanted to try something new.

I tried not to make Keller too much of a pussy from crying. I just wanted to show how his life was at its worst, what he was feeling, and tried to give an idea of what was going on in his mind.

If you or you know of anyone who could help me at my writing skills, that would be great!

I really appreciate your opinion and honesty. Its strives my determination to be a better fanfic writer. :)

[trillingstar]

If you or you know of anyone who could help me at my writing skills, that would be great!
My suggestion would be to post a request for a beta (on your personal LJ, and also on, say, ozslash and oz_rapsheet), and to comb through previous beta pools.

From Oz Magi | From Oz Big Bang

For your request, mention that it's being written and posted in chapters, and talk a bit about what you'd like from your beta (just grammar, or continuity/flow, etc) and be sure to say which characters and what rating you've given the story. Some people don't like to read gen, say, or will only read McMurphy, or whatevs.

I'll also mention hardtime100 because it's a great place to delve into characters without having to write an entire story. :)

[aletter2elise]

I don't know how to thank you enough miss star! It means alot. If i can find someone who can help with my writing skills, you will definatly see another chapter to my story. :)