thougths
I've been thinking. For the most part I try to absorb information and think about the results. Lately I've been feeling like I can't absorb one more thing because I just have too much rattling around up there.
1. The woman running for prez fucking cried. And then won. Fucking shit balls shit. I was torn up when I saw the clip of her speech. It was everything I think she lacks; passion, logic, emotion... and so I totally got why it worked. Well, I need to clarify. I don't think it did work. I think that Stewart hit it right on the nose when he said that the independents in NH voted for McCain instead of Obama. But I do think she got some votes because of it. People were looking for that part of her that they felt Obama captured and that we're seeing is so important. And then she showed it and they didn't feel conflicted and voted her way. But she fucking cried. The chick fucking cried. And that hurts. I watched it with Justin and he said it was a bad sign. That she had to use the final card she has-the chick who cries card-this early on was portent in showing that she is desperate. And it's not good to be desperate with only one state primary in the bag. Not that all 50 really count. But after one...no good. I'm still not sure. Deep in my heart I'm still desperate for Obama to get the ticket. I will be okay if she gets it. But I'm not ready to resign myself to that yet.
2.I've been questioning the existence of Jesus for sometime now. I really felt it was an all or nothing, break the tenants of the faith I'm supposed to believe sort of thing. If I didn't believe in Jesus I was going to have to just switch religions. It's too embedded. It's the foundation and all that. But I didn't want to believe in something that was so easily used to fuck people over. I can't help but roll my eyes when people do the 'Believe in Jesus or Suffer!' routine. Even at its most subtle it does not seem appropriate. Must one put forth the ultimate discipline to people to get them to act honorably?
But I can't let go of my Jesus.
Then I realized that I believe that this world is made of stupid (it would be more polite of me to say average-intelligence) people. And now is no different from what it's always been. So it's no surprise if some stupid people got together and took what Jesus said and fucked it up a bit before (and a bit after) they wrote that holy book of ours. Just look at what people are doing to Christianity today. The bullshit acts they are committing and bullshit thoughts they are preaching. Obviously the legends of the crusades are not over-exaggerated.
On a side note, it seems that by saying that the christianity we have is possibly tainted I am downgrading the power of God. I'm not. I'm saying my God is open enough to let me work my own shit out. And by me, I mean humanity. I have no problem with that being true. It fits
with the way the world seems to work. I have always had a hard time believing in a religion that one can get too smart to believe in. There are few religions that have as many loopholes as Christianity. *cough* mormanism *cough*. And for me, Jesus was a sticking point. A loophole that let a lot of people slip through. As I see it, God invented compassion and I am a bit of God. And I have far too much compassion to see some people who don't follow the direct rules of the religion go straight there.
I still can't say that I've resolved what I believe about the existence of Jesus. I might someday, but I might not. Once again I see that God is just bigger than that. It seems to me I'm still missing part of the puzzle. Maybe someday I'll get it. Probably not. But I
have faith God will keep with me all the same. So there it is. I always end in the whole idea that my faith is the foundation. I'm happy with that.
3. I'm far too jealous of people who are good at narcissism. Not just people who are narcissistic, but people who embrace it and make it the thing they are good at. They really get shit done. Well, at least people think they do. And they look good doing and/or not doing it. I'm involved in myself just enough to think that people really care about shit I do far more than they actually do. But not enough to actually make my life run smoother. I haven't figured this one out yet. I'm going to explore it for a while.
There. Hopefully I can ingest information again.
1. The woman running for prez fucking cried. And then won. Fucking shit balls shit. I was torn up when I saw the clip of her speech. It was everything I think she lacks; passion, logic, emotion... and so I totally got why it worked. Well, I need to clarify. I don't think it did work. I think that Stewart hit it right on the nose when he said that the independents in NH voted for McCain instead of Obama. But I do think she got some votes because of it. People were looking for that part of her that they felt Obama captured and that we're seeing is so important. And then she showed it and they didn't feel conflicted and voted her way. But she fucking cried. The chick fucking cried. And that hurts. I watched it with Justin and he said it was a bad sign. That she had to use the final card she has-the chick who cries card-this early on was portent in showing that she is desperate. And it's not good to be desperate with only one state primary in the bag. Not that all 50 really count. But after one...no good. I'm still not sure. Deep in my heart I'm still desperate for Obama to get the ticket. I will be okay if she gets it. But I'm not ready to resign myself to that yet.
2.I've been questioning the existence of Jesus for sometime now. I really felt it was an all or nothing, break the tenants of the faith I'm supposed to believe sort of thing. If I didn't believe in Jesus I was going to have to just switch religions. It's too embedded. It's the foundation and all that. But I didn't want to believe in something that was so easily used to fuck people over. I can't help but roll my eyes when people do the 'Believe in Jesus or Suffer!' routine. Even at its most subtle it does not seem appropriate. Must one put forth the ultimate discipline to people to get them to act honorably?
But I can't let go of my Jesus.
Then I realized that I believe that this world is made of stupid (it would be more polite of me to say average-intelligence) people. And now is no different from what it's always been. So it's no surprise if some stupid people got together and took what Jesus said and fucked it up a bit before (and a bit after) they wrote that holy book of ours. Just look at what people are doing to Christianity today. The bullshit acts they are committing and bullshit thoughts they are preaching. Obviously the legends of the crusades are not over-exaggerated.
On a side note, it seems that by saying that the christianity we have is possibly tainted I am downgrading the power of God. I'm not. I'm saying my God is open enough to let me work my own shit out. And by me, I mean humanity. I have no problem with that being true. It fits
with the way the world seems to work. I have always had a hard time believing in a religion that one can get too smart to believe in. There are few religions that have as many loopholes as Christianity. *cough* mormanism *cough*. And for me, Jesus was a sticking point. A loophole that let a lot of people slip through. As I see it, God invented compassion and I am a bit of God. And I have far too much compassion to see some people who don't follow the direct rules of the religion go straight there.
I still can't say that I've resolved what I believe about the existence of Jesus. I might someday, but I might not. Once again I see that God is just bigger than that. It seems to me I'm still missing part of the puzzle. Maybe someday I'll get it. Probably not. But I
have faith God will keep with me all the same. So there it is. I always end in the whole idea that my faith is the foundation. I'm happy with that.
3. I'm far too jealous of people who are good at narcissism. Not just people who are narcissistic, but people who embrace it and make it the thing they are good at. They really get shit done. Well, at least people think they do. And they look good doing and/or not doing it. I'm involved in myself just enough to think that people really care about shit I do far more than they actually do. But not enough to actually make my life run smoother. I haven't figured this one out yet. I'm going to explore it for a while.
There. Hopefully I can ingest information again.