?
i feel like i'm ruining my life & my future. i can't work, i can't think, & all i want to do is read old entries from various journals.
Once, i used to write & once i used to produce. Now i am old & pathetic & worthless. Sometime i might expand upon why, but suffice it to say that it involves an inability to find motivation coupled with a fundamental knowledge of how much i really don't know. really.
i never expected to live this long, & although i am content with some parts of my life, what i used to be is a sickening weight upon my back. i'm humiliated by the promise i once possessed. And i have no one to blame but myself for letting it decay into nothingness. But then, i've always had a will to destruction.
All i can hope is that our move to the UK, the change of scenery, will help. This town is like the anti-Muse. i'm convinced that's part of it.
Once, i used to write & once i used to produce. Now i am old & pathetic & worthless. Sometime i might expand upon why, but suffice it to say that it involves an inability to find motivation coupled with a fundamental knowledge of how much i really don't know. really.
i never expected to live this long, & although i am content with some parts of my life, what i used to be is a sickening weight upon my back. i'm humiliated by the promise i once possessed. And i have no one to blame but myself for letting it decay into nothingness. But then, i've always had a will to destruction.
All i can hope is that our move to the UK, the change of scenery, will help. This town is like the anti-Muse. i'm convinced that's part of it.