i'm a all out of love, im so lost without you

[alesserennui]

So i am a stressed out emotional wreak. i start school monday and i have some kind of smotach virus or something crazier i havnt been able to eat much except fruit today and it was hard doing that but every since i got home from getting gir his rabies shot and such ove slept until now. it just hurts so bad and there is nothing i can do i want to rip my body into pieces and never feel again. besides the physical pain there is also emotional pain. i asked jerid to go back out with me again and he said no, and then since that night ive been having very interesting dreams. that night i asked him i dreamt that we were going through a tornado together lying on the floor waiting for it to pass and it went over the house we were in. the next night i dreamt of wasp on my hands that i had to rip off.. i looked it up and it ment i need to let go of an intimate realationship. then last night after all the hell happened and i finally got to sleep i dreamt that jerid had a new gf and he was happy and i wasnt in his big picture at all.
what does my subconcious know that i dont? i think ive finally come to the conclusion though that all ill ever get to be to him is a good friend and a good fuck. its sad really that i want him so bad that the only thing to do is cry. i want to move on really but i get scared and then ignore the people i have a chance with. i just guess that i am going to be crazy for a while longer.. i really dont know what im talking about at this point but i just needed to vent and yea, he probably wont read this, so good.