Love, Luck, Lifetime Guarantees and Other Things Assholes Believe In.
I'm not sure where I am right now. It seems like no one in this fucking world knows what they want. Everyone is floating around as if in some waking dream, never knowing why they are unsatisfied. Well I know what I want. Unfortunately, I have not found it yet... Or have not found the person who also wants it. Is life really so complicated? It's simple. People want to feel alive. They want to be loved. They want to experience deep meaning, and connection, and ecstasy with others, and with the world around them. I've just found some very deep meaning in my life. My eyes have been opened up to new things, and I have no one to share it with on an intimate level. It's like seeing incredible beauty and having no way to express it. It's fucking hard.
It's very hard to try again and again, and to be rejected. I thought I was getting better at this whole thing, but I think really the only thing I've gotten better at is handling it. And that just isn't good enough. It's like I'm two people right now. On one level I have this extreme joy, optimism, and love of life, and on another level, I am still nonetheless getting kicked around and ignored by life, and more importantly, by people. It can't help but hurt. I don't want my pain to fucking poison me though as it has in the past. I think I am beyond that.
But still, it's hard.
It's hard to deal with that cold, numb and empty feeling in your hands and fingertips. That gnawing emptiness that feels like a hole in your chest. Like your soul is slowly bleeding to death. That awareness that you are alone, and that others just don't care enough...
Oh, they care a little bit. But not enough. Not enough to give you what you need. What every human being needs. Love, understanding, sympathy, closeness.
But fuck. I feel myself spiraling down, so I should probably stop.
If you feel the need to spout some half-hearted words of consolation, please do ME a favor, and go fuck yourself. Your pity is the last goddamn thing I need.
It's very hard to try again and again, and to be rejected. I thought I was getting better at this whole thing, but I think really the only thing I've gotten better at is handling it. And that just isn't good enough. It's like I'm two people right now. On one level I have this extreme joy, optimism, and love of life, and on another level, I am still nonetheless getting kicked around and ignored by life, and more importantly, by people. It can't help but hurt. I don't want my pain to fucking poison me though as it has in the past. I think I am beyond that.
But still, it's hard.
It's hard to deal with that cold, numb and empty feeling in your hands and fingertips. That gnawing emptiness that feels like a hole in your chest. Like your soul is slowly bleeding to death. That awareness that you are alone, and that others just don't care enough...
Oh, they care a little bit. But not enough. Not enough to give you what you need. What every human being needs. Love, understanding, sympathy, closeness.
But fuck. I feel myself spiraling down, so I should probably stop.
If you feel the need to spout some half-hearted words of consolation, please do ME a favor, and go fuck yourself. Your pity is the last goddamn thing I need.