sliding to a halt

Jul 02, 2007 21:24

I'm still just....down. It won't shake. I had an awesome time with Paul this weekend, so refreshing, but I got headaches...I never get headaches. What's going on?! It's so much better with him here, though. He encourages me to get stuff done that I'd otherwise neglect.

I just have no motivation to do anything. I don't even want to knit, or paint my picture frames, or go for a walk in the sweet summer evening, or read the books Paul lent me, or bake something, or browse the Anthropologie catalog that came in the mail....nope. Nothing. I want to sleep but my body isn't tired enough. I'm annoyed that I have no desire to do anything.

I forced myself to read while I ate some dinner. I didn't really want to do either. Then I wandered around my apartment (didn't take long), looking in drawers and not really caring about the contents. I browsed my Verizon bill and smiled at the 1000 free minutes I spent talking to Paul last month. It's not that I have too much time on my hands--today was the first day of my 40-hour work week (increased permanently from 30 hours effective today), and the commute took longer in the rush hour traffic. Maybe I'm just more drained.

I need some kind of change. Some catalyst to get me to take action. I have slowly slid to a stop and now don't know how to get going again. I want to cry but have no tears left. I want to sleep but keep having wild, confusing, draining dreams.

I've been spending a lot of time listening to Bible messages on the way to and from work. The city noises are drowned out by Pastor Mark preaching on the life, character, purpose, etc. of Jesus Christ. It's awesome teaching, but it doesn't make me want to hang out with the rude bums downtown. Am I bitter and heartless?

In other news, Amy and Nate are FINALLY together!
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