Finally thinking about the cruise
or at least packing for it. My plane leaves Sat. at 8am or so.
I think I have been putting it off my mind cause I really wanted to take TR with me. I was going to try to swing it with a credit card. Doesn't matter now though. Think of how awkward that would have been if I had paid for it and then he did what he did....abandoned me.
I can't even think of this as fun. I won't have net access, which means I can't play games. I have no one to hang with (my little bro is NOT going to want to hang with me).
I am not excited about a single part of it. I just want my brother, Austin, to have a good time. It is for his graduation. But sleeping in the big bed alone (even if Austin is in another bed in the room) will only remind me I am - alone. I miss having someone to hug when I fall asleep. I miss having someone to take care of. All I can think of is the lies, that's even worse than the loneliness. Gaining my trust, telling me you are not like any of the other guys when you really were. Totally being shocked when you abandoned me just like any other man. Crushed because I had trusted you enough to not push or not ask for more than you wanted to give but still you believed I did and used that as the reason to leave.
It's okay, abandoned is my new first name. Unlovable is the new middle.
Maybe I'll fall off the side of the boat, hit my head, plunge into the deep, and wake up in heaven.
I think I have been putting it off my mind cause I really wanted to take TR with me. I was going to try to swing it with a credit card. Doesn't matter now though. Think of how awkward that would have been if I had paid for it and then he did what he did....abandoned me.
I can't even think of this as fun. I won't have net access, which means I can't play games. I have no one to hang with (my little bro is NOT going to want to hang with me).
I am not excited about a single part of it. I just want my brother, Austin, to have a good time. It is for his graduation. But sleeping in the big bed alone (even if Austin is in another bed in the room) will only remind me I am - alone. I miss having someone to hug when I fall asleep. I miss having someone to take care of. All I can think of is the lies, that's even worse than the loneliness. Gaining my trust, telling me you are not like any of the other guys when you really were. Totally being shocked when you abandoned me just like any other man. Crushed because I had trusted you enough to not push or not ask for more than you wanted to give but still you believed I did and used that as the reason to leave.
It's okay, abandoned is my new first name. Unlovable is the new middle.
Maybe I'll fall off the side of the boat, hit my head, plunge into the deep, and wake up in heaven.