Sonatas for Piano and Violin
Title: Sonatas for Piano and Violin
Chapter: 1/?
Pairing: Eventual Tora x Saga, maybe a bit of Shou x Pon
Rating: R to NC-17
Genre: AU, fluff, angst, realism.
Warnings: Really AU, realistic life situations, male x male, foul language, sex.
Synopsis: How easy it is for a 30 something single violinist to find a decent date in this world? Not very if life hasn't been kind to him, but he knew never to lose hope, especially not with so much to live for...
Comments: Yeah yeah, I'm probably gonna hear that this is too AU lol. As it usually is the case when I put any of our pretty boys in realistic, real life settings. Everyone is always like "OMG lol, that would be ridiculous…" so yeah…whatevs ;) Posting it anyway ;) Let me know if you like…This is dedicated to xme_chanx, for convincing me to post anyhow. Thanks babe, you're the best ;)
***
Sonata no.1
***
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
Tora groaned, shielding his eyes from the sunlight that filtered through the blinds with his arm, while his other reached over to the nightstand, trying to find the offending alarm clock.
"Yeah…yeah I'm awake…shut up already…" he muttered, sighing blissfully when he found the off button.
He pulled his bare arm back underneath the blankets and basked in the few minutes of cozy warmth that he had left underneath them, knowing it was to be short lived.
True enough, just as sleep was starting to claim him again, his bedroom door cracked open. Short footsteps made the wooden floor creak, and he felt the mattress cave in in front of him as a small weight climbed into bed, crawling underneath the blankets to stick deadly cold hands on his bare arm. He hissed at the sensation, and then slightly grudgingly wrapped his arms around the tight ball of energy that was his four year old daughter.
"Good morning daddy!" she piped, snuggling closer to him.
He groaned as she unintentionally elbowed him in the chest, trying to get her cool pyjama-clad body as close as possible to his warm one. He held her tight, trying to keep her still for half a second, and hissed when her cold nose touched the hollow of his throat.
"What have you been doing Chihana? You feel like an ice cube, have you been on the balcony again?
She stilled instantly.
"Ehhhhh…no?" she mumbled, trying to make herself small by wedging her head of sable curls underneath his chin.
He shook his head.
"You took way too long to answer young lady…you remember what I said about the balcony?"
"Ehhh…you said not to go in my jammies…b-but but daddy! It snowed last night! I had to see it up close…"
He rubbed her narrow back with broad strokes of his hand, the corners of his full mouth curving up slightly. He was just as excited about snow when he had been her age, it was hard to begrudge her.
"Honey, you know I don't want you to catch a cold. Ask me next time ok, I'll make sure you're properly dressed alright?"
"Alright dad…"
He twirled a strand of her soft hair in his long, agile fingers. They had lost the wispiness of her toddler years, and were starting to look more like her mother's curls had been, more and more every day. He leaned down a fraction, putting a soft kiss on her forehead.
"That's my girl. What do you want for breakfast?
"Anything I want?"
"Its Saturday, so anything you want…"
"French toast! Please! Please! Please!" she asked excitedly, wrapping her small arms about his neck and holding on tight.
He chuckled.
"Okay. French toast for the princess it is! And loads of coffee for daddy…"
***
Life as a single parent wasn't easy.
Chihana's mother, Momoka, had died from a sudden heart failure during the c-section that she had undergone to bring her into the world. She had been of very fragile constitution, and an unknown malformation of her heart had caused it to fill with blood and stop from shock. She had died on the operating table, leaving her young husband, Tora, widowed, and alone to care for their newborn little girl.
He had seen her die, her eyes glazing over, her small hand going limp in his as life left her, all the nurses and the doctors in the room panicking, at odds whether to save the mother or the child.
They saved the child, her first cry resounding in the room just as the light fled her mother's eyes.
They took the baby away as he fell to his knees on the blood drenched floor, his hand still grasping her limp fingers. His eyes focused on the slim gold wedding ring that he had slipped on her finger just six months before. All sound turned to haze and static, like his head was under water, and his point of view changed as the white linoleum rushed up to meet him, all he could see was the running, white shoe clad feet of the nurses, the sneakers of the doctors. And then black. And silence.
He'd woken up in the room that was to be his wife's, a few hours later, a young nurse already there to hand him water and a handful of small blue pills.
"Its for the stress…" she'd answered the unspoken question.
"Where's my baby?" he'd asked, putting the pills down on the nightstand.
"She's in the nursery, she's absolutely fine…"
She? She…I have a little girl, a daughter. My daughter…
They'd wanted a surprise. His throat tightened as he thought that he could never share that surprise with her.
"I'm not taking any of your pills until you bring me my daughter." he'd stated coldly, putting his face in his hands to block the sunlight.
It had been needless to argue, and the young nurse had brought in his little girl, dressed in blue footie pyjamas, a little white and blue stripped hat on her head of fine black hair. They'd wrapped her up in a fluffy white blanket which almost made it look like the nurse was holding a giant marshmallow. She handed her to him, slowly, and he cradled her in his arms, instantly amazed at how tiny she was.
"She weights three kilos, 45 centimetres long, and she's perfectly healthy…"
But Tora wasn't listening. He was studying his daughter's sleeping face. Her upturned nose, the soft bow of her upper lip, her long lashes.
It was love at first sight.
It had been a strange time for him. Grieving for his wife, despite the fact that what had been going on between them couldn't really be classified as love, all the while attempting to welcome new life into his own all within the span of a few hours had put him in a shock so intense he couldn't make sense of it all. He couldn't sleep, couldn't cry, all he could do was to take care of his quiet baby girl, who seemed nigh as serious as her father was.
The shock only dissipated a month later, after the funeral, when he was left alone in his apartment, still wearing the black suit and tie he'd slipped into that morning, his baby girl asleep in her cradle. He sat on the couch, physically and emotionally exhausted, his tired eyes wandering to the silver urn he had chosen for her ashes.
That was when he came undone at last, after a month of acting like everything was alright, when all he wanted to do was lay down and cry all the tears of his body.
It started with a single tear, leaving a silvered streak on his sharp cheekbone, then another, and another until he was crying so hard he was nearly shaking with it. He sobbed in his hands until he felt like he didn't have a single tear left, his throat worn raw.
That's when he heard his baby girl cry too, and he quickly stood up from the couch, wiping away his tears with his sleeve as he rushed to the nursery, picking her up gently before taking her to the kitchen.
"Don't cry baby…don't cry…Its ok, daddy's here…" he cooed as he looked for her bottle in the fridge before popping it in the microwave.
She had stopped crying, her eyes cracked open, still that uncertain blue-grey colour that all newborns have. He smiled at her through his tear-stained face.
He took out the bottle and tested the temperature of the milk by sprinkling a few drops on his hand, and immediately started feeding her before she got fussy again.
"Here you go baby…everything is alright…" he murmured, walking back to the living room to sit on the dark leather couch.
Her tiny fingers wrapped tightly around one of his own, and he marvelled at how perfect each miniature appendage was. She was perfect, his perfect little girl.
"I know that its gonna be hard without a mom, my love. I'm young, and inexperienced, and kinda clueless with girls…I'm so sorry baby, that you don't have a mother. But daddy's here for you…don't worry…" he whispered, fresh tears tracing new streaks on his face.
"Its just you and me, baby. Just you and me…"
***
Chihana was finishing her french toast, and Tora his second coffee, when the nanny, Kaede, arrived with her red wool coat and dark blonde hair sprinkled with a fine dusting of powdery snow.
The little girl hopped down from her chair and welcomed the newcomer with a tight hug that unfortunately didn't reach any higher than the tall girl's mid-thigh.
"Kae-chan! You look like marumochi!"
Kaede chuckled, patting Chihana's dark curls.
"The snow today is quite like powdered sugar, maybe we should go to the park together later, when you're done breakfast…" she added pointedly, making the little girl scamper back to her seat to finish her plate.
Tora stood up and helped Kaede out of her coat, then greeted her with a gentle hug. She kissed him on the cheek affectionately, with a smile on her full lips. Kaede was a beautiful girl, tall, and just the right side of slender, with a heart shaped face and big doe eyes, always perfectly emphasized with makeup. Tora liked teasing her that she could still become one of those gyaru models that graced the covers of girly magazines, earning himself half-disbelieving, half-embarrassed snorts from the girl every time. They were close enough in age, and there had been a bit of attraction between them at first, but they had left it dormant, preferring to be close friends. Now, she was almost family to him, and even though she was paid for her services, she saw Chihana like a little sister.
"Thank you so much for freeing yourself on a saturday, I really appreciate it." he thanked her, pulling out a chair for her to join them at the table.
She sat down and nodded in thanks when he poured her a cup of coffee.
"You know it's no big deal for me," she grinned, patting his arm, "I know how important the meeting is today. You are meeting with the new solo pianist, right?"
He nodded.
"Yeah, all the leads and myself. I think its a good thing, we really needed someone permanent in the orchestra, and I trust Shou-san's judgement. He's my closest friend after all. "
She nodded and sipped her coffee.
"Shou-san is the conductor, no? Tall blonde guy? The hot one?"
He chuckled at her eagerness. Shou was very beautiful. Almost too beautiful. Tora knew plenty about that, since he'd had to compete for attention with him for most of his highschool years...
"He's also the artistic director of the orchestra, which is why he got to choose. Its a good thing, I know he chose someone worthy. Worthy of replacing the space left vacant when…you know…"
It had been four years two months ago. Four years. Why did he feel like crying all of a sudden? Her delicate hand covered his, distracting him. She gave him a soft smile.
"Its gonna be alright," she reassured, "you should go shower now if you don't want to be late, I'll get started on the dishes."
He squeezed her fingers in silent thanks before getting up from his chair, patting his little girl's head as she was finishing up her breakfast.
"You're gonna help Kae-san with the dishes, baby?" he asked his daughter, who was pensively chewing on a piece of strawberry while looking out at the snow falling outside from the kitchen window.
She turned to her father with a grin so much like his own he nearly chuckled.
"Do I get to go play in the snow after?"
"That's up to Kae-chan."
Kaede winked at the little girl.
"The sooner we are done the dishes, the sooner we get to go out and build a snowman…"
Her little hazel eyes widened with glee.
"Okay! Let's get the dishes done, quick!" she trilled before shovelling the rest of her breakfast in her mouth.
The two adults laughed, and Tora finally made his way to the bathroom down the hall to take a nice long shower before having to face the day, which he felt would probably take quite a toll on him.
***
He studied his reflection in the fogged mirror, patting his face dry before rubbing a bit of cream on his freshly shaven jaw. He'd turned 30 in the fall, but there wasn't a wrinkle in sight on his elegant features, if anything he just looked more distinguished and aristocratic. A great thing if one is looking for a relationship, which he was maybe considering. Just maybe.
He hadn't been with anyone since Momoka. And the idea of companionship was very tempting, but so horribly daunting in his situation that sometimes he wondered if it would just be easier to pay someone to sleep with him, and maybe talk and cuddle a little for an extra fee…
How easy could it be for a 30 year old, widowed, single dad?
He shrugged on his black dress shirt, leaving the top buttons open just enough to give a glimpse of the hollow of his throat, adorned with a slim silver chain where her wedding ring hung. He never took it off, a small piece of her that he couldn't bring himself to part with. He had grieved, and he had gone through great lengths to move on, selling the old apartment, getting rid of most of her belongings except the few things that he knew Chihana would want to have eventually. Her diary, her favourite fall kimono, a few photo albums. But two things he could have never parted with were her wedding ring, and her white baby grand piano that throned in the music room, alongside his violins and guitars. He seldomly played it himself, lacking the skill for elegant play, but he hoped that Chihana would like to use it one day. He didn't press his daughter for musical inclination, like his parents had done for himself, letting her do as she wished. But the musical ear was there already, as he had spent countless hours rehearsing with his violin, Chihana at his feet as she learned to crawl, and then walk, and then play. All in the large music room. It didn't matter what she chose in the end, as long as she was happy.
He mussed his hair for what seemed like the hundredth time, sighing at their lack of discipline. Raven black, falling long and straight in strands that angled across his brow. It was getting long again, the tips brushing the collar of his shirt, but he never had any spare time to have it cut properly. So he made do with a pair of kitchen scissors once in a while, when he thought about it. He sighed, giving up, knowing that his hair wouldn't co-operate anyway, and settled for his everyday "elegantly dishevelled" look, as his students liked to call it. He slipped on his glasses, stylishly thick, rectangular black frames, in no mood to put on contacts when he was barely awake, and shrugged on the slim-fitted black blazer. He looked himself over in the full length mirror, liking what he saw, the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. He wasn't being called "stylish sensei" behind his back by the female students for nothing…
"I wonder why no one wants to date me…" he grumbled to himself, getting out of the bathroom only to be greeted by a tight hug around his thigh.
"Daddy, you're so handsome!"
He picked her up, chuckling, hitching her on his hip as she clung to him. He walked back to the kitchen, picking up his leftover coffee with his free hand, draining the rest of his cup.
"You're learning some new words from Kae-chan?" he asked pointedly, giving a sideways glance at the nanny who burst out laughing, blushing adorably as she rubbed a plate in the sink.
"Well, it is the word that she uses when you're all nicely dressed…there's another one…ehhhh…dashing! That's the word! She says you're dashing."
He turned to the blushing Kaede with an evil smirk.
"So, Kae-chan, how do I look today? Is it handsome? or dashing?" he teased, putting down his empty mug.
She turned to him, hands on her hips, an equally teasing smile on her glossed mouth.
"You look…hot." she only mouthed the last word, winking at him, making them both laugh.
"What did she say daddy?"
He kissed her rounded cheek.
"You don't need to learn that one just yet my love. When you get older maybe…"
He kissed her again on the tip of the nose, making her giggle.
"Daddy has to go. Will you be a good girl?"
"Of course daddy."
"You'll be nice to Kae-chan?"
"I'm always nice…"
He rolled his eyes, putting her down softly back on the ground.
"Right…we'll see about that, ne?"
He walked over to the entrance, slipping on his black leather boots, and then his double-breasted black wool duster, pulling up the collar before draping a charcoal grey scarf around his neck. Kaede handed him his briefcase, and his violin case, and he thanked her with a soft kiss to the forehead.
"Go get'em tiger!" she teased, winking.
He sighed.
"I'll do my best…I should be back for seven-ish, after rehearsal."
"Don't you worry, your girl is in good hands."
"I know. You're an angel."
She grinned.
"Sometimes…"
***
The snow coated every still surface with a thin blanket of white crystals, crunched underneath his boots as he walked over to the concert hall. It had been a determining factor when he had bought the apartment: close to the concert hall, and equally close to the university where he taught music history and composition theory, so that he spent a minimal amount of time commuting, away from his baby girl. Thankfully, both were quick walking distance, and he rarely had to use his car. The weather was nice, pretty cold for early November, but he liked it that way, the walk just enough to keep him warm, the snow falling around him like powdered sugar. He took his time about it, settling for a more leisurely pace than his usual brisk canter. Not that he dreaded the meeting he was heading for, far from it. Momoka had been dead four years, it was about time her spot as piano soloist was filled. But he felt strangely bittersweet at having to create a proper musical chemistry with someone other than her.
It was the music, and the orchestra that had brought them together, after all.
They had met as first-year students at the very university he taught at now. He was being groomed to become a conductor, minoring with violin. She was a piano major. They had gotten into a huge argument in musical history class over the romantic movement, wrecking havoc, with the entire class taking sides, shouting and clapping, until the teacher had just about enough and told them to continue their argument outside of class, kicking them both out.
They sulked, back to back, until he grudgingly agreed that she did have some good arguments. Which led them to talk in a civilized manner. Which led them to both apply in the Tokyo philharmonic orchestra, and get accepted with honours. She was short, and a little frail, with big, glossy brown eyes, and beautiful raven-black curls that she liked to wear up in a high ponytail. Her style didn't stand out too much, and she tended to disappear in a crowd, except when she had strong points to debate in history class. And when she played piano.
He knew he was in love when they were in her small apartment one night, as he was struggling to study for his composition final, and she offered to play him some soothing music. She sat at her white baby grand, that took nearly all the space in her tiny two room apartment, and played him Chopin's Nocturne, her favourite op.27 no.2. The assignment lay forgotten on the couch for the rest of the night, as he made love to her right there on the carpet.
They were an uneasy item after that, their emotional chemistry not nearly as sparkling as their musical, and physical one. He was moody and fickle-hearted, she was easily hurt and quick to anger. They fought often, fixing their issues between the sheets rather than through discussion. They were good friends, but failed as a couple on many accounts. But they were both headstrong, and they kept going, despite all their friends warning them that their relationship did them more harm than good. He remembered Shou's wise words.
Dude, you two are too fucking crazy to be with each other, it can't end well…
Their emotional discrepancies was a problem.
But the fact that Tora had fallen head over heels in love with a fellow male student in their last year had been another problem.
That she had found them both making out, half naked, in his apartment, two weeks before Christmas, had been an even bigger problem.
Not some kind of problem that could be momentarily forgotten with good make up sex.
The breakup had been pretty horrible on both sides, and their mutual Christmases were spent drinking away their sorrows, well meaning friends doing their best to cheer them up. But there had been some careless planning when it came to the orchestra's new year's party. The both of them had been invited, considering she was the solo piano, and he the solo violin. They stared daggers at each other all night, both drinking much more than they should, only to end up at his place, ripping away at each other's fancy party clothes. They fucked, like wild animals, on every flat surface of the apartment, making each other orgasm again and again until they crashed on his bed, strangely untouched, sated and exhausted.
He woke up alone, lipstick smeared all over his mouth, and chest, and even lower, with the worst hangover of his life. Shou had called, in awfully good spirits.
-You left with Momoka last night, remember!
-Not so fucking loud for god's sake…Yes, I remember, surprisingly. Fuck my life.
-How did it go?
-I woke up alone, lipstick all over my cock. Fine and fucking dandy I guess. You?
-Almost the same, although the one I took to bed wasn't wearing any lipstick…
-Good lord…did you finally snag that clarinet major?
-Oh yes…that boy knows how to blow, if you get my drift…
-How witty of you…I'm off to shower. Talk to you later, you slutty boy…
He hadn't thought more of it, thinking that the whole thing with Momoka had been a fluke. Until he saw her number pop up on his caller ID one morning, a month later. He sighed and picked up, thinking he was gonna get bashed to hell for not even calling back after fucking her silly on new year's.
-If you're calling to bitch abo…
-I'm late Tora.
-Huh…WHOA! WHAT?
-A week now.
-Did you take a test?
-It's sitting on the edge of the sink as we speak, and, and I thought that maybe I should call you…because I'm freaking out…
-Are you…
-Haven't looked at it yet, I wanted you to know, at the same time you know?
-Good god. I don't know what to say.
-What if I am?
-If you are, well. I don't know. Check it.
-Okay…
There was a small blue positive sign on the stick. Congrats, you're pregnant...
***
I hope some of you enjoyed this, even if its quite AU. Let me know if you did, and if you want some more in the comments below ;) Love xoxo