On the Nature of Love_part 2
On the Nature of Love
Chapter: 2/2 (oneshot cut in two *sighs*)
Pairing: Tora x Shou
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, drama, romance, fluff
Warnings: male x male, sex, foul language, angst
Summary: Tora learns that when you truly love someone, you're willing to take it all.
Comments: And here is part 2...Oh LJ, you hate me, I hate you, it mutual...bleh.
***
Shou is frustrated.
He's sitting down on a chair, in sweats and a tee, skin sweat slick, his crutches propped beside him, and he's staring at his feet with so much anger. Those feet that refuse to co-operate, that betray him at every step he attempts. Its his second month of physical re-adaptation, and Tora knows that his boyfriend is getting discouraged with the slow progress, despite the enthusiasm of his therapist and his doctor. Last week he regained full sensation in his legs, his brain finally making sense of the nervous impulses. Its huge progress. Yet Tora knows Shou was never the patient type. He wants to walk now, not in a month, not in a week. Right now.
The therapist has gone to get them some water, and Tora sits down on the floor at Shou's feet, pulling them into his lap.
"What are you doing?" Shou asks, making a puzzled face when Tora starts tugging off his shoes, and his striped socks.
"Giving your feet a good talking to." Tora explains, totally serious as he leans down on Shou's left foot.
Its small and dainty, with even toes, and Tora smirks as he presses a kiss to the front of Shou's ankle, making his lover gasp in delighted surprise. Everything feels new, because his brain is relearning sensation bit by bit, and that kiss sends a rush of pleasure up his leg. Tora shifts his foot sideways, sucks on the inside of that slender ankle and smirks when his lover lets out a throaty groan. He repeats the process on the other ankle, caressing his lover's slender calves, kissing down the top of his foot all the way to the root of his toes and back up, and his heart soars when Shou giggles at the treatment. He hasn't heard that sound in weeks, and its music to his ears.
"Come on little feet. Be good, start walking…" Tora croons, directly addressing the feet, tickling his lover's toes with the tip of his nose, "If you take a few steps, I will paint your nails, I swear…"
Shou erupts in contagious laughter, and Tora laughs along with him as he puts Shou's feet in his lap again, caressing his legs from knee to ankle and back up.
"You're silly…"
They exchange a loving glance.
"I know."
Two hours later Shou manages to take a step on his own, and then two, ultimately stumbling in his lover's arms. But his eyes are glowing and he's flushed and happy and his therapist claps excitedly at the leap in progress. He lets Tora carry him up the flight of stairs to their apartment with a huge grin.
"Silver."
"Huh?"
"For my toenails. They want silver, you promised."
Tora smirks and presses a kiss to his temple.
"Anything you want, babe."
***
Some days, most days even, are good.
Some days start badly and end good, and sometimes its the other way around. Its a work in progress.
He forgets the small things. Like how he hates cucumber, that he put something in the oven that has to be removed, his debit card's pin number. Sometimes he gets startled because he wakes up and has forgotten that they own three cats. Small things.
But there are days where he wakes up in a flash, disoriented, panicked because he doesn't know where he is. Because he doesn't remember his own name, or what year it is. He forgets his kanji, or how to drive. But the worst days are when he forgets about him. Or about the band.
"I'm Saga, I'm a friend of yours." Saga repeats, patiently, for the third time that day, and Tora wonders how he even manages to keep his smile when all Tora wants to do is curl on the floor and cry.
***
They are at rehearsal and Shou comes into the room after their lunch break, and he eyes Tora strangely, as if he was calculating, deciding something. And then he walks over, blushing, shuffling his feet.
"Tora, there's something I have to confess…"
Tora's eyebrows quirk.
"Eh…okay, sure."
"I love you."
Tora smirks, grabs him by the hips playfully, bringing their bodies together.
"I love you too babe…"
And he leans down to kiss him, but Shou pushes him off, backs off a pace.
"No. I really mean it, I love you. Not just sex."
Oh. Oh dear. Tora bites his lower lip, and he feels his eyes water but he fights it with all his being, because he can't just go and tell his lover that they've been together six years. So he forces a smile, hugs Shou tight.
"I love you too. I've always loved you…"
Shou's arms encircle his waist.
"Its that easy?"
"Yes. Yes it is." he murmurs, because any louder his voice would crack.
Later, when they are entangled in bed, Shou is tracing every line of his body like its the first time. And it is, in a way.
"How…" Shou starts, his voice exhausted and husky and sated, "how the hell did you guess all of my weak spots? Its like you've been with me for years…"
Tora finds himself fighting tears again, and he just holds on tight to Shou, buries his nose in that silky soft hair.
"Don't overthink it…just…just go to sleep…"
"I love you. I love you so much."
"I love you too."
Tora waits until Shou is fast asleep to cry, as quietly as he can not disturb the man in his arms.
***
It takes a year and a half before they tour again, with a very light schedule.
Its a mess to organize, but the boys are so excited to be back on the road, it feels just like their first one man tour, almost ten years ago. They do small venues all over japan, tiny live houses, and yet every show is sold out. Alice Nine is back. They haven't told the media about Shou's condition, only releasing a statement that he'd sustained some permanent injuries, and that he has to take it easy. But the fans are supportive, sending flowers and plushies and beautiful handmade cards.
The first show is glorious. Its like jumping off the deep-end of a pool for the first time in years, and once again Tora realizes that this band is his life. They celebrate on the tour bus that night, and he drunkenly and awkwardly makes love to Shou in his bunk, in a profusion of sloppy kisses and giggles, the curtains drawn, only to be welcomed by a sour faced Hiroto the next morning, sipping a can of redbull.
"Well, looks like I'm gonna need some good quality earplugs…" Hiroto mutters, incapable of keeping the mirth out of his tone.
Shou's voice is as beautiful as ever, and Tora finds himself under the spell, night after night. It makes him realize how much he took his lover's talent for granted before the strokes, how fleeting and delicate such a talent is, when it can get taken away in a heartbeat. Because there are days when Shou forgets how to sing. It doesn't happen often, if ever, but the beauty of his voice is only rendered more poignant and gorgeous knowing its a fragile balance, easily overturned.
Shou lapses here and there, but they find ways to work around it. He forgets a song, they change the setlist. He's not ready at the given time, they start later. They postpone one show in the entire tour, and it feels like a victory all around when they hold a perfect finale after eight months of intermittent touring. They celebrate with champagne and cake, all their friends, and its like a homecoming, at last.
***
Tora gets home from the studio around dinnertime.
They have been quietly recording a new album, and for once they are taking their time. Saga is still a genius composer, and without the heavy pressure that they used to have, his work is only gaining in maturity. And Shou will always be a good lyricist, even if he forgets how to spell, once in a while. He had gone to record a few phrases of his own, only to come home to an apartment bathed in candles, his lover cutely dressed.
He smirks, putting down his guitar case, shrugging out of his leather jacket and boots before enfolding his lover in a tender embrace. They kiss for what feels like hours yet not long enough. Tora pulls away softly, hands roaming the length of his lover's back.
"You haven't forgotten…" he purrs in his lover's neck, receiving a pleased chuckle in response.
"Ten years together? How could I?"
Shou hasn't had a major relapse in nine months. He still forgets small things, here and there, but there is hope. There is always hope for them, one day at a time.
"I have a surprise for you."
Shou brings up his right hand between them, and slowly peels off the bandage on his index finger. The skin is a little red, the lines crisp and black, a little heartagram to match Tora's own. He's speechless, but its okay because Shou fills the silence with his low voice.
"I've been meaning to do this for a while now. And I know that it doesn't happen very often anymore, but if one day I wake up, and I forget who I am and who you are, well, all I have to do is look at our matching hands. And remember how much I love you. Because I do. I love you so much."
Tora is blinded by tears again as he crushes their bodies together, never wanting to let go.
"Babe…oh babe I love you. With all my heart." he whispers against his lover's ear.
Shou's eyes are like midnight pools when he leads him to the bedroom, where more candles throw golden accents all over his skin and hair.
"Make love to me."
His voice is a languid, breathy caress, and Tora couldn't say no even if his life depended on it.
He makes love to Shou, slow and passionate, rousing his lover with the most artful foreplay he can compose before claiming him with a smooth, slick thrust of hips. Their ascent to pleasure is languorous, steady, like a tide waiting to engulf them both, waves breaking against the shore. Shou's hips tilt up, a silent invitation for his lover to find that sweetness inside him, and he does with a slow sway of hips, Shou's head falling back against the pillows, mouth open in silent plea.
"Oh…oh babe…oh, I love you…" Shou breathes, wrapping his arms tight around his neck, pressing his sweat-slick forehead to his own, "Come…come inside me…"
Tora's spine curls down as he the waves of pleasure crest over him.
"Together…now…" he manages, letting out a keening moan when his entire body tenses with his climax.
They are one, bodies, and hearts, and minds. Its the most intimate, beautiful thing he's ever shared with someone, and its only fitting that he's sharing it with the being he loves the most in this world. His lover. His soulmate.
They are lounging in the unmade bed, happily tangled in the sheets, drinking ice-cold champagne straight out of the bottle because neither of them has enough willpower to untangle their limbs to get the flutes in the kitchen. So they drink, and laugh, and kiss, basking in the afterglow.
"I have a surprise for you too you know."
Tora is plastered to Shou's side, his long leg draped across his lover's own endless limbs, hand tracing his collarbone slowly. Shou looks down with quirked eyebrows.
"Oh yeah…"
"You're only getting it tomorrow though." Tora teases, earning himself an annoyed groan from his lover.
"Then why are you baiting me with it?"
"Because you're so fucking hot when you're annoyed…"
Shou snorts, putting down the empty bottle on the nightstand.
"You annoying bastard…give me a hint?"
Tora smirks, getting up on his forearms.
"Well, half of it is a reservation at your favourite bistro tomorrow night…"
Shou grins excitedly.
"The french one booked three months ahead of time? With the chocolate crème brulée?"
"Of course."
"Oh babe…you're the best…"
"I try…bathe with me?"
Shou smirks and leans down for a kiss, sultry and smooth, tongues tangling.
"With candles? And bath oil?"
Tora gives him a no-nonsense look, peeling the sheets off their bodies as he stands up.
"Who do you take me for huh? I stocked your favourite oil…"
Shou takes his lover's offered hand to get up, giggling when Tora effortlessly picks him up like a sac of potatoes, giving his curved rear a playful smack.
"You really are the perfect man…" Shou manages, laughter interrupting his every word.
"For you my love, I'll be anything you need. Always.
"I can't wait to find out what the other half of my surprise is…"
Because the bistro truly is half of the surprise. Because in Tora's coat pocket is a pair of open dated, round-trip plane tickets to Canada, and a black velvet case with a custom-made, platinum and black diamond ring. And tomorrow, he will treat his love to a lovely romantic dinner, and then, no matter how crowded or quiet the place is, he will get on one knee, and propose to him. Because there is no one in this world with whom he'd rather spend the rest of his life with.
Because the one thing he has learned through the years is that when you love someone like he loves Shou, you're willing to take it all.
And he's willing to love him, and cherish him, in sickness or in health, until the end of time.
Because he wants to know how much of forever they can see together.
***
This was really draining to write, yeesh. Angsty-fluff is one of my favourite styles, but its so hard to write bleeehhhh. Its two in the morning here, and my eyes feel like they're about to fall off, seriously, but I'm happy I soldiered through and finished it. Its one of those stories that end up being better if they are finished in one shot rather than written in increments, which is what I do with most of my work. But this one just bit me and didn't want to let go XD. I hope you guys enjoyed this little bit (more than my latest story, which is getting no love at all, I'm bummed XD). Once again I will venture into dangerous territory by saying that I am still writing a new chapter to vital signs, but its really going at a snails pace because my goddamn muses are all over the place, so sorry its taking so long, I'm doing my best. I also want to produce quality work, so I don't force myself to write something if I'm not feeling it, and this is what is happening with vital signs, so once again, sorry its taking so long. I have to get my ass to bed…*sighs* Let me know how you liked this in the comments down below, its always appreciated :D Love y'all xoxo
As a side note: It may be cold in the winter, but I'm really happy to live in a country, and more specifically in a province, where same sex unions are regarded with the same kind of respect than more conventional ones. We are very fortunate.