(no subject)
Well, this weekend thus far hasn't quite gone exactly as planned, but at least I got to see Olga and Andrea for a short while yesterday. Though I came home to rest and see people, I spent the larger part of today, after my haircut, working on my EMAC homework. Once again, I worked for close to five hours, maybe the full six, and it was rubbish, almost literally. I have to start over, and its due monday. And above that, Mina Cheon, the professor for that class, didn't accept my email submission of that essay, and said I should print it out and submit it this monday, except I realized that I neglected to back the file up, so now its lost. She has the only copy, and she hasn't responded to my more recent email, in which I asked her to send me back the file. Who knew that an "Electronic Media and Culture" class wouldn't allow electronic submissions of work. I just can't believe I have nothing after all those hours...again. I don't want to mess up, but I already am, and there is nothing I can do about it. My mom told me stop working and come back to it fresh in the morning. It would be good advice, except there is nothing to come back to. Just some ugly magazine cutouts and tacky glue waiting to stick to me and hold me.
So...things aren't going very well right now, I guess. Much, most, or all of it is probably my fault.
I wish I could make something beatiful and actually moving just once. I try though. I try.
I wish I was stronger. And I try. Oh well.
Funny, as soon as I wrote that, the random Radiohead song that I was listening to went "...I wish - I wish - I wish..." I don't know, maybe it was making fun or maybe it was validating. I am still deranged enough to believe that somehow that little synch-up has some deep cosmic significance. Oh, it happened again, but now the song is "Creep."
I wish I was special.
At least things don't feel like they are falling apart yet.
Ok...I just got that email. She responded. She deleted my file as soon as she got it, and she is sorry, but it looks like I will have to rewrite it. That, of course, is my fault. I shouldn't have forgotten the first time, and I shouldn't have forgotten to back it up when I wrote it. Absolute, pure negligence on my part. So, maybe it'll be an allnighter tomorrow. So much for rest. Maybe as long as I keep working it won't matter. Maybe I can take on the property of a shark.
I don't have much to say for myself. Any sadness I might have is trivial and unimportant, and usually my own fault. I apologize to any who read this for the banality of the post. I am going to stop now, before I get carried away.
So...things aren't going very well right now, I guess. Much, most, or all of it is probably my fault.
I wish I could make something beatiful and actually moving just once. I try though. I try.
I wish I was stronger. And I try. Oh well.
Funny, as soon as I wrote that, the random Radiohead song that I was listening to went "...I wish - I wish - I wish..." I don't know, maybe it was making fun or maybe it was validating. I am still deranged enough to believe that somehow that little synch-up has some deep cosmic significance. Oh, it happened again, but now the song is "Creep."
I wish I was special.
At least things don't feel like they are falling apart yet.
Ok...I just got that email. She responded. She deleted my file as soon as she got it, and she is sorry, but it looks like I will have to rewrite it. That, of course, is my fault. I shouldn't have forgotten the first time, and I shouldn't have forgotten to back it up when I wrote it. Absolute, pure negligence on my part. So, maybe it'll be an allnighter tomorrow. So much for rest. Maybe as long as I keep working it won't matter. Maybe I can take on the property of a shark.
I don't have much to say for myself. Any sadness I might have is trivial and unimportant, and usually my own fault. I apologize to any who read this for the banality of the post. I am going to stop now, before I get carried away.