(no subject)
So the visit is off for now. But that isn't what worries me. It's her, she's in a bad way, and it scares me. Deep down I know she'll get through this. But the operation, and then walking again. She shouldn't have had to come visit, it should have been me going there. I keep thinking that if I had done things differently in life, been more successful, I would have had the funds to go see her. I should be there with her, just to be with her, to help support her as she walks. Today, it was as if she was here, and I knew how we would get along. It was such heaven. I should be there for her. For her birthday, to make it special. I feel like shit because I can't. Now I just worry about the operation, about her. Why did it have to happen to her, it isn't fair. Maybe she'll push me away because we can't visit. But I've been searching for her for so long, not someone like her, but her. She has to be alright, she needs to get through this operation, and the walking. I'll find a way to be with her. I won't ever give up on her. I finally know what I want out of life, and it's her, it's always been. I'll wait as long as it takes. Because I can't have no one else. My future is full of her, a life with her. My wife that is her. And I can smile impishly at that delicious thought. She has to be okay, why couldn't it be me that this all happened to. So now I'll go try to sleep, thinking about being there, laying there with her, my arms around her, wishing I could mend her leg. I'd trade anything to mend it. There has to be a way to make her birthday special.