(no subject)

[aleiaaa]

i know that everyone says that people cant change "just like that".
but when you're as
impulsive
crazy
driven
and
bipolar
as i am,
the story is different.
i know its hard to believe because i had those bad habits for so long...
but i swear its true.
i guess you can't really know what i'm thinking in my head,
but its a different person up there.
its the person i used to be.
this is who i really am,
and i had just been burried under a bunch of crap.
i've changed,
whether you believe it or not.
whether you like it or not.
i didn't change for anyone.
i didnt change because of the pressures my friends had been putting me under.
i changed for me, and only me.
i changed in order to defeat this SHIT that has taken over my life.
i grew out of it.
i want to pretend the last 3 years didnt happen.
i want it to be august 24th, 2006 again, so i can start over.
i can't change what happened, but its in the past.
shit happens.
life goes on.
don't judge me on the things i've done,
judge me on how well i recovered from them.
for once, i can finally say i'm content.
and this isn't a manic-mood swing happiness.
this is for real this time.
and i'm not saying i'm going 100% sober or anything like that
because thats a lie
i'm still a real person and not some perfect recovery.
but i've found my balance in life,
finally.

...and now all i need, is you.