so, why am i such a heinous bitch?
That's a very good question, actually. The answer is that I'm not really sure.
I kind of expected things in college to be different. For the guys to maybe be a little more settled. I was kind of hoping not to repeat past mistakes. But now it's like Tyler allllll over again. I've totally felt this way before and the only way to fix it is time, but I'm fucking tired of being the one that gets emotionally attatched to the wrong guys while picking up a couple of stalkers along the way.
I shouldn't even really be attached to this one, considering that he was pretty clear from the start that I was just a random hookup that wasn't quite so random and persisted over a short period of time... but hey, I am. And it's so fucking stupid that for whatever reason just seeing him can completely ruin my night and make me retreat back to my dorm room and crawl into my pjs.
Unfortunately my roommate was in my room getting ready to leave, so I've further retreated to the computer lab.
I kind of want my anonymity back. That;s one thing I loved about eastern- nobody really knew who I was except the people that mattered (and still do matter). Here it kind of feels like everyone knows me. And I thought I'd like that feeling, but it's kind of annoying. People here can read me so, so well and can tell right away when I'm upset. I thought I was good at hiding it.
Speaking of hiding, I'm off to hide with a good book (Middlesex by... can't remember the author, but he wrote the Virgin Suicides).
Perhaps I'll write more about this later.
I kind of expected things in college to be different. For the guys to maybe be a little more settled. I was kind of hoping not to repeat past mistakes. But now it's like Tyler allllll over again. I've totally felt this way before and the only way to fix it is time, but I'm fucking tired of being the one that gets emotionally attatched to the wrong guys while picking up a couple of stalkers along the way.
I shouldn't even really be attached to this one, considering that he was pretty clear from the start that I was just a random hookup that wasn't quite so random and persisted over a short period of time... but hey, I am. And it's so fucking stupid that for whatever reason just seeing him can completely ruin my night and make me retreat back to my dorm room and crawl into my pjs.
Unfortunately my roommate was in my room getting ready to leave, so I've further retreated to the computer lab.
I kind of want my anonymity back. That;s one thing I loved about eastern- nobody really knew who I was except the people that mattered (and still do matter). Here it kind of feels like everyone knows me. And I thought I'd like that feeling, but it's kind of annoying. People here can read me so, so well and can tell right away when I'm upset. I thought I was good at hiding it.
Speaking of hiding, I'm off to hide with a good book (Middlesex by... can't remember the author, but he wrote the Virgin Suicides).
Perhaps I'll write more about this later.