2:07am rantings
I have enough Chapstick to kiss you a million times for a million lifetimes. Today, that kiss will not happen, not even tomorrow or the next day. The reason is because I walked away. Because like every other time I walked away, I got scared. This time it seemed no different. Like every other time I have walked away I came back, or you came back to pull me back in. One way or another we kept coming back to each other. Something always brought us back. This time there were words ringing in my head over and over as I left, "I may not trust you or respect you but..." I have forgotten the words you said after that but it was enough to raise a huge red flag telling me to leave. This time you said that if I leave I should never come back. Well, it's been 19 days and I haven't called you, haven't texted you. No contact from either camp. You said that you would "delete me" for good. Guess what? I'm still on your Facebook friends list. Looks like you haven't "deleted me" after all. Yes, I check your page. Yes, I check your Twitter and Instagram accounts like any other deranged woman would. I still check our pictures, still watch our videos. I still reminisce. But I will honor your request. I will stay here, I won't cause trouble. I know I did this. I understand these are the consequences. I know it will be difficult. It IS difficult. Nothing new then, I guess.