(no subject)
I had Enrique's for dinner, plus I still can't breath very well. My eyes are pretty dry as well. Oh, and my nostrils are already raw, and there is constantly mucus coming out, plus the occasional clot of blood.
As much as it pains me to say this... I started eating meat again, not for good, I just had a bit of a relapse. And how I am paying for it. Maybe it is just in my head, maybe not. All I know is that while I was NOT eating any meat I felt a hell of a lot better, both physically and mentally. It is back to me cooking, and not eating tons of fast-food every fucking day of the week. I hope I feel better again, and can stick with it this time. I was so confident the first time, but now I am not so sure, but I am going to give it another go around! I know there are always people hoping you fail, and that is not just me being totally insane, it is true. I have hoped for it myself, and I have heard it from others a million times, so what the fuck ever. It won't matter either way if I continue eating meat or not. I am just saying in general there are always those people that are hoping you will fail. I just wanted to point that out, because I am feeling pretty awful right now, so I guess it wouldn't be that bad if I had some sort of support right now. Support in general, like to continue living, because I have been feeling pretty awful. This shit is getting pretty fucking repetitive. I am not going to pull any trigger, I am just saying that everything has felt pretty fucking similar here lately, even the things I want to feel similar do, so I don't know why I am so disappointed. I guess I just need someone to finally say something, something that would indicate that my existence does matter, because I make it pretty clear that your existence matters to me, but that is my choice I suppose. My choice to feel like this, not all my choice, but most, and I think I am okay with that.
Sometimes I sort of wake from a nap, and Darko is laying on my pillow, and for a second I feel like I am cat too, and we can just stay like that forever on my bed, not worrying about anything, but when the next can of cat food will be opened. If reincarnation is real, I want to be the cat who is taken care of by a person just like me, because I am a nice person, and I would be lucky to have a person like me.
Alecia
p.s. Dan, Amber, perhaps others. I don't feel like you think my existence doesn't matter. I am just rambling.
As much as it pains me to say this... I started eating meat again, not for good, I just had a bit of a relapse. And how I am paying for it. Maybe it is just in my head, maybe not. All I know is that while I was NOT eating any meat I felt a hell of a lot better, both physically and mentally. It is back to me cooking, and not eating tons of fast-food every fucking day of the week. I hope I feel better again, and can stick with it this time. I was so confident the first time, but now I am not so sure, but I am going to give it another go around! I know there are always people hoping you fail, and that is not just me being totally insane, it is true. I have hoped for it myself, and I have heard it from others a million times, so what the fuck ever. It won't matter either way if I continue eating meat or not. I am just saying in general there are always those people that are hoping you will fail. I just wanted to point that out, because I am feeling pretty awful right now, so I guess it wouldn't be that bad if I had some sort of support right now. Support in general, like to continue living, because I have been feeling pretty awful. This shit is getting pretty fucking repetitive. I am not going to pull any trigger, I am just saying that everything has felt pretty fucking similar here lately, even the things I want to feel similar do, so I don't know why I am so disappointed. I guess I just need someone to finally say something, something that would indicate that my existence does matter, because I make it pretty clear that your existence matters to me, but that is my choice I suppose. My choice to feel like this, not all my choice, but most, and I think I am okay with that.
Sometimes I sort of wake from a nap, and Darko is laying on my pillow, and for a second I feel like I am cat too, and we can just stay like that forever on my bed, not worrying about anything, but when the next can of cat food will be opened. If reincarnation is real, I want to be the cat who is taken care of by a person just like me, because I am a nice person, and I would be lucky to have a person like me.
Alecia
p.s. Dan, Amber, perhaps others. I don't feel like you think my existence doesn't matter. I am just rambling.