Fic: How EXO Was Created
Title: How Exo Was Created
Author: aleash1989
Length: One-shot
Rating: PG-13 for mention of porn
Genre: Cracck, humor and more crack
Bands/People: DBSK, SHINee, Super Junior + M, SS501, 2AM, actor: Song Joongki, actor Lee Minho
Summary: Why do the members of EXO look similar to current idols/celebrities?
A/N 1: This was written a couple of months ago when there was no EXO debut in sight.
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It had been awhile since SM last debuted a group, and since everyone was doing it, they needed to do it too. They wanted make the best boy band the world had ever seen and came to the conclusion that there weren't any people left that were pretty enough to become trainees, let alone SM idols. They decided the best thing to do was to gather together Korean entertainment's prettiest stars and have them reproduce. Those babies would then become SM Entertainment trainees and then idols. SM however, realized only two flaws in their plan: It would take years upon years until the kids would be old enough to debut and make money, and investing in kids starting before they were born would be very expensive. (And really all SM ever wants to do is make money.) Then they realized they practically owned South Korea. If they wanted to make money from current celebrities’ future babies, then they could do it now! Science and technology were at their fingertips! Mwhahaha! Ahem. They realized one more thing: they would need more than just pretty stars; they would need manly ones too. In August SM gathered together Changmin, Sungmin, Siwon, Zhou Mi, Taemin, Leeteuk, Henry, Joongki, Lee Minho, Hyunjoong, Jungmin and Jokwon.
“I know some of you don’t work for SM Entertainment,” said Lee Sooman, “and might not want to help us, but we can grant your greatest desires. You want lots of food and porn?” He looked at Changmin and winked. “Done. You want pink puffy bunnies?” He winked at Sungmin. “Done. You want to sing songs about how great God is at concerts?” It was Siwon’s turn to be winked at. “Done. You want all the designer clothes and handbags and Lady Gaga merchandise you could ever desire?” Zhou Mi's face lit up, and he was also winked at. “Done. You want to wear brightly colored clothes while helping to take over the world and being pretty?” Taemin received a wink. “Done. You want the world's best excuse as to why you can’t join the army and want the country to still love you?” Sooman winked at Leeteuk. “Done. You want to be weird, steal underwear and not shower for long periods of time without people questioning it?” Henry got the last wink. “Done.”
Minho immediately answered, “I want all the skinny pants and long jackets you can get your hands on.”
“I can get that for you.”
“I want the freedom to be able to write SS501 fanfiction without people giving me weird looks,” replied Hyunjoong.
“That will be done.”
Being the genius that he was, Joongki had to ask, “I’d like to know more about why you called us here first, Lee-ssi, before I commit to anything.”
“Ah yes, Joongki. There have been a lot of new groups debuting, and SM Entertainment wants to debut a new boy band. This is where we'll need your help. There is no one prettier or more handsome then all of you.”
Sungmin, Siwon, Henry, Zhou Mi and Leeteuk looked a little shocked. “Please,” Siwon begged, “don’t let Heechul hear what you just said. I don’t think anyone would be able to live if he heard.”
Lee Sooman became a little scared too. “Uh... Um... None of this is to get out anyways. Confidentiality contracts and all. What I’d like you guys to do is find your greatest and prettiest fangirl who would do anything for you and have a son.”
All the gathered celebrities were O____o to say the least.
Siwon just had to say something. “God would not approve of children being born that way.”
Sooman had anticipated Siwon’s reaction. “Ah, but think of all the people that have accepted Christ because of you. Would you deny letting that happen?”
He thought about it for a while before answering, “No. I guess you’re right. God would think that is better.”
“Good boy Siwon.”
“Do you mean the craziest fangirl? That could get dangerous,” said Joongki.
"No, I mean the sanest, most obsessive fangirl you can find.” Joongki looked skeptical. “Those qualities do not contradict each other. Not at all, trust me. To insure you have sons,” Sooman held up a large bottle, “we’ve had these pills specially designed and tested to make sure it is safe and works. Now you will have full, secretive, (because we can’t let this get out to the public) access to the child until we take him to be a part of the aforementioned boyband at which point we’ll take the time machine we had developed and travel to the future to retrieve your children.”
“How old will they be when you take them, and when will they debut?” asked Leeteuk.
“The youngest will be what? Fourteen? The oldest will be twenty-two. Some of the members will have a stage at SBS's Gayo Daejun this year. There will be many teaser videos and pictures of the members released until sometime in 2012. An exact date hasn’t been decided upon for their debut. However, there will be two groups formed. One, EXO-K, will promote a song in Korea while the other, EXO-M, will promote the same song in China.”
After a brief huddle, everyone agreed to help SM Entertainment. Joongki got to date Song Jihyo and be back on Running Man winning all the time. Minho and Hyunjong got what they asked for. Jungmin received a lifetime supply of carrots. Jokwon got his own TV show where he could kkap to his heart's content.
2012 came and the majority of the teasers were of Kai, Taemin’s son. Fans began to speculate why that was, and their ideas were becoming more and more ridiculous. The real reason was because it took Taemin a shorter amount of time to find and get a fangirl pregnant. Jokwon took the longest. Sooman assumed it was because even fangirls found the guy too weird. (Changmin’s son was Suho, Henry’s son was Kris, Sungmin’s son was Xiu Min, Siwon’s son was D.O., Zhou Mi’s son was Lay, Leeteuk’s son was Chanyeol, Minho’s son was Tao, Hyunjoong’s son was Chen, Jungmin’s son was Lu Han, Joongki’s son was Baekhyun and Jokwon’s son was Sehun.) And so it wasn’t until September 18, 2016 on Inkigayo that SM’s band of pretty boys from the future debuted. By that time, a new breed of fangirl was created and needed to be contained.
The EXO Planet mentioned at the end of all the teasers? That was where all those fangirls who waited so long were sent, and each day they got a new teaser that in some way featured Kai.
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A/N 2: I firsted posted this story in the comment section of another fanfiction that also explains how EXO came to be. My original comment was that the author's story was similar to my theory about about how EXO is current celebrities babies from the future. the author went on to say that I should expland upon my idea and here we are. The second place I posted this was Omona's FFA. There someone said they loved that fangirls were the mom. From there a bunch of non-fictional girls became moms to EXO members. The only members without moms now are Xiu Min, D.O and Chanyeol. I will give them out on a first come first serve basis.