Laser surgery
I got laser surgery yesterday on my eyes. It has been great! I can see I can see I can see!!! My eyes have some minor irritation but nothing major. My left eye I think is still not perfect which worries me a little but they said it might take a little longer for it to heal. I feel great. I fit into a size 4 at JACOB!! Holy shit! I still look at myself in the mirror and odnt see that much of a difference but there definately is. I got my belly button peirced today too. I went shopping to try to find a hot dress to pick Sam up in and couldn't stop staring at how hot my belly looks now that its peirced. It totally hides the sad belly button! YAY! Tuesday I get new braces.... and I am getting more comfortable with no makeup. I got a hair cut too. I have bangs now! Crazy! I feel super good but there is still a lot of negativity in my I can feel...not so good. I am super stressed about money and about future (as usual). I have deadlines but havent been able to keep them becuase I have been exhausted or other. I am so tired and feel myself slipping into old patterns. I miss Chris....which was one of my first signifiers. I wanna be back in school. I wanna have the time and freedom to work on what I need to. I am just panicing as to how I can make that happen outside of school....but if I want it bad enough I will make it happen. I am not tide to anyone or anything and can do with MY life what I want. The world is open and filled with possibilities. I have so much to offer and plenty of time to do it. Every choice I make is leading me to where I need to go. I dont NEED to go or do anything. Everything will come to me as long as I believe in myself and believe that I will be ok. I will be ok. I can survive anything. I will be happy no matter where I am or what I am doing. I am motivated, driven, passionate, talented, and smart and will be ok.
.... I wanna do burlesque.
Damn I need to remember to eliminate doug and to breath. I think I am giong to go meditate, masterbate, and ummm (another bate) rehydrate! LOL oh god I kill myself. LOSER tee hee. I can't help but be a bitch to my mom. I dont know what it is. I think tomorrow I am going to wake up early and go cook us breakfast or soemthing . I have been a total bastard to her and I cant stop myself. Its like I am watching another person be a bitch and I am on the side lines waatching. Its horrible. I gotta write more later about my company bbq and stuff. Oh and I feel like reading. My eyes are a little dry so it feels like I have contacts in...oh my god! I totally dont! Holy fuck I have perfect vision for the first time in my life. I have had glasses since I was 18 months old! Holy fuck!!! YYUUUUPPPPEEEEE!!!!! Oh and i am the smallest I have ever been in my adulthood. HOLY FUCK! Ok I gotta go to bed. night journal
.... I wanna do burlesque.
Damn I need to remember to eliminate doug and to breath. I think I am giong to go meditate, masterbate, and ummm (another bate) rehydrate! LOL oh god I kill myself. LOSER tee hee. I can't help but be a bitch to my mom. I dont know what it is. I think tomorrow I am going to wake up early and go cook us breakfast or soemthing . I have been a total bastard to her and I cant stop myself. Its like I am watching another person be a bitch and I am on the side lines waatching. Its horrible. I gotta write more later about my company bbq and stuff. Oh and I feel like reading. My eyes are a little dry so it feels like I have contacts in...oh my god! I totally dont! Holy fuck I have perfect vision for the first time in my life. I have had glasses since I was 18 months old! Holy fuck!!! YYUUUUPPPPEEEEE!!!!! Oh and i am the smallest I have ever been in my adulthood. HOLY FUCK! Ok I gotta go to bed. night journal